Unwanted pregnancy,and DH will not talk to me.

[ohdearhelp]

I have name changed for this. I also don't think this is the right place but I need help and there is a lot of traffic here.
I have been with my DH for 10 years married for 8 and we have 4 lovely DCs.
I had our youngest 2 years ago and it nearly killed me. I was told after I had him that I could not have any more children. This was fine because we already have 4 and we both know how luck we are to have them.

Anyway I have been ill on and off for about 3 months and I had just put it down to a sickness bug. However DH was worried so I went to my local GP, 2 days ago and it turns out I am pregnant (about 16 weeks gone)with twins. They are small for their age but they are alive and the doctor believes that they are growing.

I am terrified and I had to wait until Dh came home to tell him. He is very upset and when I had finished telling him he got up and left and he is refusing to talk about it at all. I have asked him if he would just sit and talk to me. He said no. I told him that I am scared and that I need hi to talk to me. He said that this was all my fault and he didn't want to talk about it. He left the house and didn't return until late.
Today he has only spoken the bare minimum to me and once the DCs were in bed he just went upstairs.

I have a specialist appointment tomorrow which I have told him about, but he just ignored me.
I have no idea what to do. I need to talk to him about this because they are his babies to. I am so scared and I don't know how to get him to listen to me.
Any help?

I wasn't passing round virtual fucking wine. I didn't come on the thread to do as you say. Not sure why you have to start laying into me as that's pretty nasty in itself.

I wasn't drunk and I wasn't encouraging anyone. I do have a thread, under a name change thanks.

Anyone else want to make out it's all my fault and kick me in the head?

I really hope some posters sober up this morning and are thoroughly ashamed of themselves. What happened on this thread last night was cruel to the OP. OP, I hope you have the support you need in RL now and that you are ok. This thread gave a platform to display the very worst of mumsnet.

No one is making out its all your fault. As you are the only person who has replied to defend their posts, subsequent replies have been focused on you, funnily enough. If anyone else from last night wants to come back, I'll tell them their behaviour was shit too. Would that help?

I'm sorry you've had a tough week, join the club. But the whole arch "gosh what a good GP, fancy being able to tell you are 16 weeks with twins" thing was obvious implication that the op wasn't believed and you joined in with that.

You do know that virtual wine isn't real? it won't actually get anyone drunk!

Hope you're OK OP and that your DH is communicating with you now

I said fuck all about the twins.

I explained why l had been pushed and people decided to be pretty nasty to me.

I was drunk last night and am hungover now. I still managed not to be a cunt to a pregnant distressed woman though. So sobriety or not has little to do with it really.

SaintMerryWeather - Perfectly put! Kudos to you, i'd share Real alcohol with you - not this virtual -bollocks- stuff

You're splitting hairs FTS. The op was clearly distressed and her thread got derailed. It was shitty.

OP, if you are still reading: A thought just occurred to me, and I am just hypothesizing, so bear with me. Was your husband present when your obstetrician told you that any future pregnancies would be unlikely? Is there any chance that he thinks that you have engineered this? That he thinks you have wanted any more children and told him you cant have any more just to get a surprise pregnancy? I am just utterly gobsmacked and find it hard to believe that a loving father of 4 can just suddenly turn like this.

I hope you are still reading. It got a bit bizarre here last night, but I hope you can come back and find support.

chubb you mentioned people being 'pissed up' on the thread, that's why I said virtual wine isn't real!

Stop having a go at FTS. It's pretty hard to take someone bleating about being nasty seriously when they're being nasty themselves.

I have no idea if the OP is genuine or not, but what i actually suspect is that the legacy of DizzyMare still lives on. This unfortunately means that people are more cynical of stories of posters expecting twins who may die, when the details don't add up in their heads.

All I was drinking was diet coke, so no sobering up to do and no I dont feel ashamed in the slightest.

I am sorry that your husband is blaming you. That is really really unfair. It takes two to make a baby! And even if you did misunderstand what you were told about how possible a pregnancy was, that wasn't an intentional act on your part! You haven't got pregnant at him!

Anyway, what's important now is that you are pregnant and you need to deal with the situation as it is, how it happened doesn't change a thing and it's pointless for him to be angry and sulking when he has a pregnant wife in a potentially life threatening situation. Now is not the time for him to sulk. He needs to put that aside and be supportive. He can sulk later when you're not in danger!

Or, you know, not at all. Cos he's a grown up and that's not how we handle things!

babyheave is right. There has been too many trolls with fantabulous stories that has involved multiple pregnancy and loss. We have all been taken in and poured support and been emotionally drained, time and time again. It is easy to think Oh no, not another one.

Shit that this has a backlash on genuine posters.

Yes it is shit. And the moral we should all take from it is to not get over invested, not to treat all posts regarding high risk multiple pregnancies with suspicion.

Who gives a fuck if its genuine or not? And i dont give a fuck if the virtual wine results in a hangover or not the fact that some people turned the thread into a joke because one over sensitive person got a deleted comment is disgusting. can i suggest those that derailed the thread and called troll last night avoid relationships board in the future and stick to aib.

If you think op is a troll just report and hide thread there is no reason in the world why you have to post nasty shit to others.

You dont have to invest time or emotions on here.

The question was how to get dh to communicate not how do i cope with a high risk pg.

JJS, I refer you back to my comment about people being nasty.

I think it's pretty fucking nasty to lay into me in particular given that I wasn't on this thread being nasty in the slightest.

I came back on to reply to one poster and explain why I was so upset. I did not come back on to be on the receiving end of posters' vitriol. I am not asking for sympathy, just merely explaining my reaction.

I was not passing virtual wine about, nor larking about and this morning's aggressiveness towards me is OTT and pretty bloody spiteful in itself. I'm struggling to understand how it's fine to be nasty to someone who really wasn't a poster hurling disbelief around when that's the very thing you're dong yourselves.

If you don't believe an OP report it and then stay off the thread. Allow the other adults on this site to decide for themselves whether they want to invest the time in a thread.

Otherwise you run the risk of not only looking like a complete twat but being called on it too.

And no, that comment is not directed at any one poster.