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Original poster

Tell me what being loved feels like

53 replies

catkin14 · 14/04/2013 13:42

If you have or have had a relationship where you felt loved and cherished please tell me what it felt like?
What sort of things did/does your DP do to make you feel that way?

I need to know this to stop me going back to H who thinks if i try harder and love him more, he will be able to love me more...
And manages to make me feel wrong for not doing so..

OP posts:
Bumpsadaisie · 14/04/2013 13:50

My DH makes loads of effort for my birthdays / Christmas and valentines.

He always says sorry when he is wrong and never sulks.

He is emotionally intelligent and knows how much he loves and needs me and the dc's. And he expresses that.

He supports me in things I find hard (getting fit).

He never gets in a strop when I spend too much money.

He listens to me moaning on about all sorts of stuff and is sympathetic.

Mind you I'm pretty nice to him too!!

We squabble a lot (two small kids, busy lives, not enough sleep or time alone) but make up very quickly and never sulk. There's nothing I can't say to him. Smile

dyslexicdespot · 14/04/2013 13:54

The way my DH looks at me, everything he does, really. I am convinced that he will always love me and think that I am the best person in the world.

Our love for each other is the most secure and permanent thing I have ever felt.

badinage · 14/04/2013 13:58

He supports me in anything I want to do, even if sometimes it's meant more work or hassle for him. He spends ages trying to find presents or experiences that he knows I'll enjoy. He listens properly. He'll take more on with the kids or the house without being asked, if he knows it will give me more time. He's proud of me and tells everyone about my successes. He's affectionate. He cares passionately about sex being good for me. He supports my individuality, my friendships and other interests in life. Overall he 'does' love really very well and knows it's about actions, not words.

Lueji · 14/04/2013 13:58

I need to know this to stop me going back to H who thinks if i try harder and love him more, he will be able to love me more... And manages to make me feel wrong for not doing so..

If you don't love him enough, you don't love him enough. End of.
It's your feelings and there's nothing wrong with them.

It's clear your H isn't doing enough to make you feel loved. Why should you go back, particularly if he makes you feel wrong for having your own feelings?

OrWellyAnn · 14/04/2013 14:00

Feeling as free to do what I want in our marriage as I would if I was single. He is my biggest fan, my greatest supporter and my best friend.

Forgetfulmog · 14/04/2013 14:06

Even thinking of being without him (eg if he was killed/left etc) is enough to make me cry & feel horrific.

He tells me every day that he loves me & I know he means it.

He supports me in everything & never belittles me.

Can't believe I'm quoting from SATC, but I think Charlotte got it in one when she said "I feel happy every day. Not all day every day, but every day". That sums up my feeling exactly

Original poster
catkin14 · 14/04/2013 14:06

wow, you are all so lucky!
mine used to tell me he loved me, and how lovely i was, but that was where it ended. Hollow words. no little acts of kindness..
Lueji very true words, he would make me feel very wrong for having thoughts/feelings different to his, and if he asked me a question and didnt get the answer that he wanted would ask same question in many ways to try to get the answer that he did want or sulk when he didnt.

OP posts:
RhondaJean · 14/04/2013 14:08

It feels like you matter to someone.

It feels like you have someone you canbe totally yourself with, even the ugly bits of you, and who won't judge.

crushedintherush · 14/04/2013 14:09

Going with Lueji on this one....

You sound lovely and deserve so much more :)

Hope that helps :)

aJumpedUpPantryBoy · 14/04/2013 14:13

My DH is

Someone who always puts me first.

Someone who supports me - even if he doesn't agree with my decisions he respects my right to make them

Someone who I can tell anything

Someone who looks after me and cares for me when I need him to, but allows me to be independent and do my own thing when I need to

Someone who I trust implicitly

Piemother · 14/04/2013 14:17

Please don't go back. This whole you love him more and he will love you more is an emotionally manipulative crock of shit. It also reminds me of exh too much and you don't want that trust me.

AnyFucker · 14/04/2013 14:39

Does he make you feel safe ?

Do you feel your intellectual and emotional resilience is something he treasures as much as his own ?

crushedintherush · 14/04/2013 14:44

Someone who doesn't care that my belly hangs over my knickers and wobbles when I clean my teeth :)

Someone who will walk with me for hours in the cold weather/pouring rain when I've had a bad day and need to get out...

Someone who lets me be me :)

Coffee1Sugar · 14/04/2013 14:46

The way he kisses me allllll the time - whenever I walk into a room, whilst cooking, washing up he always wraps his arms round me and kisses me. The way we take turns with everything round the house and looking after dd. The way noone else makes my coffee the way he does. And the way he tells me he I'm gorgeous and that he loves me about 20 times every day

treaclesoda · 14/04/2013 14:56

its small everyday things, not grand gestures which can ultimately be meaningless.

Its treating me with respect, as an equal, being kind, laughing together.

EvenBetter · 14/04/2013 14:57

He cooks from scratch every night and gives me the best bits (the cripiest chip etc) , he makes us cocktails and downloads trashy show I love, he idolises my dogs and would do anything for them.

He's very proud I'm his wife, tells people that and 'my beautiful, intelligent wife' making me blush, he brings home wee pressies like a book or chocolate.

We don't like having guests or going out because we're lazy and like being together. He's hilarious. I miss him when he's in the next room (BOKE!)
It's meant to be fun. Apart from times of crisis or bereavement, and provided you haven't picked a mysoginist/sociopath/bully/entitled fuckwit, if you're not having fun you're doing it wrong.

MoaningYoniWhingesAgain · 14/04/2013 15:04

I feel supported by him. Respected. We trust each other to have the families best interests at heart.

He would (and does) go out of his way to do things for me. He doesn't moan that I have spent all day knitting and done no housework Grin although he did mention that I returned his faulty Christmas gift for a refund but didn't replace it bought some posh wool instead .

I know he fancies me. He is/was willing to have his life massively disrupted so I can achieve my plans (it didn't happen in the end, but he was willing). Lots of things really. We can disagree without it being a problem, and compromise.

GoodtoBetter · 14/04/2013 15:05

I feel safe to be "me" with him. He's my harbour in a storm.

VitoCorleone · 14/04/2013 15:10

He accepts me for who i am, no matter what my faults are.

EvenBetter · 14/04/2013 15:14

P.s. to answer your question, to be loved feels safe, happy, content, secure, makes you feel important, interesting, beautiful and part of the best team on earth. If not then you're selling yourself short. Sure there can be bad moods, shitty times etc but you still know you're loved.

BitBewildered · 14/04/2013 15:17

He brings me tea in bed every morning.

I am very lucky. He is too.

HolidayArmadillo · 14/04/2013 15:20

My DH makes me feel loved by considering me, in everything he does, by willingly making his life more difficult so I can do something I want. By giving me the freedom to make my own decisions but support me wholeheartedly in doing so, even when he doesn't necessarily agree with them. He is an equal parent to our two beautiful children and tells me all the time he loves me and is affectionate. I don't know what I'd do without him tbh.

Ragwort · 14/04/2013 15:21

I agree with others who say 'we accept each other for what we are'.

We are totally relaxed and can be honest with each other, we don't feel we have to be on our best behaviour or pretend to be something we aren't. We actually don't spend huge amount of time together, we have many separate interests and we respect each other's need for time and space alone whilst enjoying some shared hobbies together.

Being 'in love' for me (25 years married Grin) is just so straightforward and easy after all the 'angst' you read about, or I can remember, from earlier relationships, waiting for phone calls, worrying if I was thin/intelligent/sexy enough etc etc.

We are not, blissfully happy every second of the day, of course, but we are content and relaxed and that's what counts for me. We don't sweat the small stuff, we have very similar views on money/spending so that is an area that never causes conflict. We also have very similar old fashioned views on bringing up our family so again, no conflict. Neither of us is 'needy' in terms of possessiveness or jealousy. Separate holidays/friends etc are no problem at all. And I accept that we both have flaws, I would never, ever think 'I am the perfect wife'.

EllaFitzgerald · 14/04/2013 17:22

He puts me before him, every single time. He makes me feel totally safe and secure. He's completely open with me and wants to share things with me. He'll text me when I'm at work to tell me he can't wait to see me. If he's got a day off, dinner will be waiting for me, but if I've got a day off, he'll encourage me to do something nice with friends, or relax at home. He loves making me laugh until my stomach hurts, he's lovely to my friends and family and he turned his life upside down to move here to be with me.

Another fan of the SATC quote from Charlotte! But, OP, neither of us have to try hard to love each other. You can't force it if it isn't there.

Salbertina · 14/04/2013 17:39

Oh God Hmm

Happy for you all to have that, i certainly don't but thats others threads. Seriously interested to know if those "considered in everything" with "beautiful children" etc are longterm married and always with kids? .. Or not. think I'm a cynical old bag

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