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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Last train to Loserville Part 2

999 replies

LoserNoMore · 07/04/2013 21:55

After the overwhelming support I've received on my thread I had to start another. Well I didn't have to but I have found all the advice so helpful that even if I only receive one more piece it will help.

I'll try and post the link to the full sorry story. Never linked on my phone before so it may not work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1722750-This-doesnt-look-good-does-it?pg=40&order=

OP posts:
CabbageLeaves · 08/04/2013 18:21

Before my ex had his fling I didn't really understand the finer points of affairs. Yes there are two sides etc but frankly there are extremely few cases where there are mitigating factors. Sticking with a cheater would not be possible for me. It's like being friends with a thief.

You do find out who you friends are. It's like sieving for gold. You lose the crap and keep the gold!

Regards him expecting sympathy and support...whilst your rational self realises he's entitled, deluded, selfish and stupid it can wear you down so keep that distance. Block his contact. It's not going to be healthy for you.

erowid · 08/04/2013 18:39

I have no more advice for you than what has already been said. Well done for staying strong and remember time is a great healer. Smile

LoserNoMore · 08/04/2013 18:51

Thanks :)

Totally fed up, nothing else to really say :(

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 08/04/2013 19:05

My gut feeling is that he has done a lot more than you know. He wants to like himself so he will believe all he's done, in toto, is actually forgivable. So for you to throw him out and say it's over over the tip of the iceberg is making him feel martyred, because after all, it's just a teensy little thing you're so angry about (in comparison to all you could be angry about...) and he's basically a good bloke, even with the full story, so how can you be so unreasonable as to react so badly to a snippet? He's a good husband and father, all you know about could be written off as a mistake, so why the fuck are you so stubborn over it?

It's batshit insane thinking, and utterly selfish, but if I'm right, then it's denial to protect his own image of himself as a good guy. If you're this angry over the first whiff of what he's done, then he's not a good guy. He can't afford to accept that reality - that he's treated you and his daughters like crap - so he will be impatient with your "overreaction" and feeling truly sorry for himself that you're so angry over what to him (and compared to the truth) is so minor. One thing MN shows is that they only ever confess to the minimum they think they can get away with - so your not digging for the full story, which is the usual reaction, but just being, "that's enough for this to be over" will be a huge shock. You really are acting with way more inner strength than I did or most people can. Your sane and simple reaction - that you know enough to know it's done - is very rare. He won't know how to handle it because just as men who do this have a script, I think those of us on the receiving end often do as well, and remarkably (and wonderfully) you aren't following it. Your response is a lot saner and a lot more lucid than the average desperate need to know what, and why (like it matters, and like he'll ever fully tell you anyway). So in essence his being the one making the choices, in the driving seat, and having the affair is smashed. You aren't behaving like the victim, you're behaving like a partner who was badly let down and isn't tolerating it. In essence, you aren't allowing him to control how this unfolds, and that seems to be making him very confused and angry.

I'm afraid I also agree with others that he is being and was being enabled in this thinking by the men he works with. The initial message was sent from a van when he was with others, no? So they knew. It's also going to bolster his sense that he is being unfairly treated.

I agree you need to email stating all contact is to concern only the girls and the formal arrangements for separating and that no other forms of contact will be tolerated for the time being as you need to adjust to life as a single parent. And I am so sorry, but unless you always used condoms, please do get the STI checks done. Almost all are harmless if caught early enough. I know it's the last thing you'll feel like but as someone who found out the ex was cheating at the GPs when my symptoms turned out to be chlamydia, pre-symptom catching is always best. I had an ectopic pregnancy which is possibly related. Please, you're still so young and may want another child with the lovely man who lies in your future (I know it probably seems impossible now, but truly life can surprise you) so please, be smarter than I was and get yourself checked out.

perfectstorm · 08/04/2013 19:10

And sorry to overshare. Blush Honestly don't mean to nag, either; as I say your choices are way saner and smarter than mine are, so I should probably just say, "keep doing what you're doing, as you're doing great."

I know it hurts so much and is also so fricking tedious and miserable in practical terms. But it will be okay again. Although you won't appreciate it, everyone's right. You're a remarkable person.

So much admiration and respect.

cjel · 08/04/2013 19:10

Sorry your low. Its probably combination of drink and hormones not helping. remember our moods aren't permanent they will always lift again.xx

PoppyField · 08/04/2013 19:32

Hi OP - I've been lurking ferociously and everyone's right - you are doing amazingly, although it probably doesn't feel like it.

Really insightful post from Perfectstorm - she totally gets that your boundaries are an example to us all.

You are strong. You have very definite sense of what you deserve and how you should be treated. Your dignity is so admirable. And you are (brilliantly!) unusual. Perfectstorm is right that you are remarkable in not following the script you've been handed. You sound great. I wish I was half as self-possessed and I think might have had a good female model somewhere along the line. Hope so. Respect!

PoppyField · 08/04/2013 19:32

I meant 'I think YOU might have had a good female role model...'

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 08/04/2013 19:40

Sorry today has been rubbish for you.

swallowedAfly · 08/04/2013 20:07

feeling like utter crap was bound to come - and go - and come back again etc etc

just rest and get through tonight. bath, crisps, raid the kids easter eggs, glass of wine - whatever works for you. there's a few films on iplayer at the minute.

when you feel utterly crap you're not going to sort anything or think straight or make great decisions so just be nice to yourself, treat yourself compassionately and don't think too much x

lazarusb · 08/04/2013 20:16

Jax is right - tomorrow, when you get out of the house, invest in a bloody big bar of chocolate (even if it isn't deep-fried!). I don't want to go all Scarlett O'Hara on you but tomorrow truly is another day. A day you've got through with your dds. Give them all a big cuddle this evening.

Perfectstorm is right - he isn't in control, he's realising that you can live without him after all. He has had the rug pulled from under his feet and he's scared. I had a bf as a teenager who cheated - his friends were complicit too. I asked a couple of them afterwards why they hadn't told me - 'He's a mate'. That was all it needed. Unfortunately I didn't have the self-esteem to walk away straight away...I kick myself now. I won't ever do that again.

Hopefully you won't be in so much pain tomorrow and even if it's raining, some fresh air will do you good.

carabossse · 08/04/2013 20:22

Hello.

Your H's thinking at the moment is probably a case of cognitive dissonance, a psychological term that explains the discomfort a person feels when they are trying to maintain two conflicting thoughts at once. For example when a person's self-identity and their actions don't match up:

"I am a good person, a good husband and father"
And at the same time-
"I did a bad thing, I have caused pain to my wife and children."

How to reconcile these conflicting thoughts? The internal dialogue may then become:

"I am a good person, a good husband and father"
And
"I didn't do a bad thing, she's overreacting"

Or

"I am a good person, a good husband and father"
And
It's not my fault that I did the bad thing."

Unless your H rethinks the first statement about being a good person etc, any reconciling would unfortunately only reinforce whichever excuse he uses for his behaviour, and so the cycle continues.

Good luck.

CabbageLeaves · 08/04/2013 20:29

Aw OP :( bad times are inevitable and will pass. You're grieving for your marriage and coping with how unfair it all is.

The cognitive dissonance scenario often can be used to describe marriages. I know I needed to believe it was good so I deliberately shut out any facts conflicting with that....which means its one hell of a crash when it all becomes clear.

Force yourself out of this pit and plan. Plan to decorate your bedroom. Plan something... What do the DC like doing? Any other families you can share a day out with?

Anjou · 08/04/2013 20:47

Hi LNM. Sorry you're not feeling tip top today but I'm sure you'll be feeling lots better tomorrow. Let the fact that you are continuing to be bloody brilliant & a wonderful example to your girls give you comfort. Stay strong. ??

Jengnr · 08/04/2013 20:55

Hey LNM. I think you're mint!

On the back of this thread I've just told my husband if he ever cheats on me not to be surprised or act like a bellend when I throw him out. :)

LovePickles · 08/04/2013 21:38

Guy's a prick.

You're a good person.

Pannacotta2013 · 08/04/2013 22:25

You just have to do whatever you can to get you through the hard times. You're mourning what you thought was a happy loving marriage. It's such a loss Sad It's really tough. Chocolate, wine, angry thoughts, crying, soap operas, warm baths.

You said you like swimming didn't you? Doing something for yourself, by yourself, could be ace - would your friend mind your kids for an hour or two? I'm sure you'd do the same for her if situations reversed, so try not to feel bad for asking. The endorphins can be so helpful at times like this x x

CabbageLeaves · 08/04/2013 22:29

The chicken pox has been very bad timing for you. Summer is coming I bloody well hope and you will get out, get rid of the cabin fever and start to find times which are not marked my memories or intrusive thoughts. All of those are normal and will end.

Plan to dress nicely, do hair, makeup and feel good.

CabbageLeaves · 09/04/2013 07:41

Morning LNM. Hope you get access to the net soon and we are behind you.

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 09/04/2013 08:15

hi LNM was thinking of your dd last night as a friends little one has CP now. Hope she has crusted over (spots) and on way to getting better.

LoserNoMore · 09/04/2013 08:59

Morning, thank you.

Had a migraine from hell last night. Could barely open my eyes so managed a good nights sleep. Dd3 spots have all scabbed over so just going to drag the lazy girls from their bed and go out for the day. Just need to agree on something they all want to do, that'll be fun!

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsAllMine · 09/04/2013 09:35

hope your migraine has cleared now. Probably all the stress over past few days finally getting to you. Sad

Make sure to drink plenty of water today, eat something and go have fun.

How about Science Museum? I like the one in Glasgow, lots to do for all ages and the coffee is quite decent. Grin

lazarusb · 09/04/2013 10:26

Nothing like a bit of children squabbling to take your mind off that twat. Grin I hope you feel a bit better today - treat yourself to something nice, doesn't have to be a huge spend, hot chocolate with cream, nice lunch...you really are a very special woman.

LoserNoMore · 09/04/2013 10:36

Science museum would be my choice and we were all on board with that until dd1 mentioned Blair Drummond Safari Park and they want to go there now. Plenty of fresh air anyway and haven't been for ages. Can't wait now!

Ah thanks lazarusb.

OP posts:
magimedi · 09/04/2013 10:36

Hope your migraine has cleared. Also agree with drinking plenty of water - it's so easy to forget when one is preoccupied.

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