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Original poster

Last train to Loserville Part 2

999 replies

LoserNoMore · 07/04/2013 21:55

After the overwhelming support I've received on my thread I had to start another. Well I didn't have to but I have found all the advice so helpful that even if I only receive one more piece it will help.

I'll try and post the link to the full sorry story. Never linked on my phone before so it may not work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1722750-This-doesnt-look-good-does-it?pg=40&order=

OP posts:
candodad · 08/04/2013 12:02

Just remembered from reading other messages. About 15/20 years back my brother and BIL used to work away every week die to the job they did. There own agreed culture was what goes on away stays away and it was found out about. Both my sister and SIL kept them knowing this was happening due to kids involved. My brother just upped and left her one day which was best for both of them as they hadn't been happy really.

Worse was my BIL and sister, they kept at it and he changed his job, promised to change etc. the with the advent of the Internet it was easy for him and he was off again. She still forgave him but they were all unhappy. When his youngest kids turned 18 he buggered off the next day clearing out the bank accounts. Turned out he had only been staying with her to avoid maintenance.

Well done for being strong.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 08/04/2013 12:02

He has no idea how hard it's been for us or just doesn't seem to care. Being housebound for days, telling the dd's, and just the whole sadness. For him he's been swaning about like the injured party, going to the pub, probably having a shag in between. He's acting like I'm the one who cheated.

OP posts:
smokinaces · 08/04/2013 12:07

Because he no longer has everything. He was probably bragging - perfect wife at home, kids, everything, as well as the bit on the side, having his cake and eating it. And now he looks like the twat that he is. He's trying to save face, being nice isn't helping so he's trying emotional blackmail. He underestimated you that's for sure.

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 08/04/2013 12:17

what an absolute selfish prick he is! Its all HIM. What HE wants, how HE feels. Dickhead.

Pity party for 1, all aboard the last train to loserville. Twunt ex first class ticket. Grin

LNM he doesnt care, he is so self obsessed. The only thing that matters to him now is that he got caught!

Im also pretty sure his work mates and friends knew about this. Hope they think he is a dick too. Because he is. He has lost all his girls, and through nobodies fault but his own.

You are doing so well.

BalloonSlayer · 08/04/2013 12:18

"He has no idea how hard it's been for us or just doesn't seem to care."

  • because he thinks that your difficulties have been self-inflicted. If you'd just overlooked his teensy weensy insignificant mistake ("Whoops! I let my cock out of my sight for just a second and look where it went! Could happen to anyone!") like any normal wife, then he'd have been home helping out and everything would have been fine for you.

As others have said, keep being the broken record - You have ruined everything, you were unfaithful, you have broken our marriage because of your cheating, repeat ad nauseum.

He just can't see himself as the bad guy. TBH it is hard for anyone to see themselves as the bad guy, but actually if you shag someone else then um well yup, you ARE a bad guy.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 08/04/2013 12:23

Grin at letting his cock out of sight!

I feel terrible today, have horrible pmt and feel nauseous . Think those 2 glasses of wine were a bad idea.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 08/04/2013 12:26

he is going to keep resisting accepting it because when he accepts it he has a lot of sorting to do. his sister is presumably not going to want him permanently living with her even if he is manchild enough to want it. he will need to find somewhere to live, cough up a deposit, get furnished, etc. this man will have to actually make himself a home and run it including doing all of the mundane stuff that makes that happen on a daily basis. then he'll have the shock of looking after 3 girls solo for a weekend at a time and the work that actually goes into that.

he will be putting off accepting it because of the reality of what comes once he does.

he's about to hit the real world for the first time in 12 years and it may come as quite a shock to him how much responsibility and work is involved in living in the real world.

swallowedAfly · 08/04/2013 12:28

repeat ad nauseum - i am not willing to live with a man who shags about behind mine and his children's backs. you are not who i thought you were and there is no way on earth i would be with you now i know this about you.

it is over - i wouldn't touch you with a barge pole.

dondon33 · 08/04/2013 12:31

LNM fab name change, I've followed your 1st thread and just want to add - You're FAB!! your Dc are lucky to have such a strong inspirational mummy.
As for him, he deserves all he gets and more. He should get a first class ticket for the train to Loserville, I hope he'll be very happy there ;) :)

I wish you and Dc the very best in the future without this pathetic excuse for a H and father.
Take care x

LovesPeace · 08/04/2013 12:41

Been lurking - and I think you're amazing, LNM!

tummyfull · 08/04/2013 12:45

Hi LNM, One of those that have been reading your threads. I admire your dignity and resolve. What a great mum you are to your 3 little ones. Glad you named changed and came back with a new thread.

magimedi · 08/04/2013 13:21

I've just finished reading your first thread & now this one.

You are a strong & dignified woman & your children are really blessed to have you as a mother.

I am filled with admiration by the way you have behaved at such a horrible time. May this be the worst bit for you & may there be much joy for you in the future.

tightfortime · 08/04/2013 13:38

God it really is sinking in for him now - and yet it's still all about 'him'.

Reality bites hard you twunt.

LNM, well done for telling him get lost. Now, paracetamol or ibuprofen handy? Mind yourself

GaryBuseysTeeth · 08/04/2013 13:49

Fucking diddums for him, what a knobjockey.

Glad you've name-changed &, PMT/hangover aside, you're coping wonderfully.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 08/04/2013 13:56

LNM You are indeed a woman to be admired as an earlier poster remarked. Sorry you are feeling a bit shit today Thanks

pregnantpause · 08/04/2013 14:24

You are amazing! He is a knob jockey of the highest order.

I'm absolutely awed by your dignity in this situation. What a selfish prick he is, has he bothered to ask after his children? How they are coping? selfish selfish man. He should be ashamed, not least for cheating, also for major fuckwittery after he got caught! Your well shot of him.

LittleEsme · 08/04/2013 14:54

Hot water bottle for your belly, OP.

Some spot-on analysis here and I can only add that it sounds like his indignation and anger at you not allowing him back in may show that he is deep in a culture of shagging around. He just doesn't seem remorseful enough. Or ashamed enough. Is this acceptable amongst of his circle of friends? Confused

I grew up in a village surrounded by a group of girls and lads who were like this. Lads married the girls but many if us knew what they were like Sad. These boys became men who couldn't be trusted. Even, and I speak from bitter experience, on the night that one of them were out wetting their new baby's head. Dirty bastard. And they all cover for one another. I lost a group of friends by trying to tell them. They chose to believe their men Sad

I'm so proud of you OP.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 08/04/2013 15:03

I really didn't think it was acceptable amongst his friends. They are all decent genuine guys who I'd have thought wouldn't cheat. Maybe they're all leading double lives. Who the fuck knows anymore? Don't think I'll trust another person in my life. I'll be disgusted if this was common knowledge amongst his friends. They are meant to be my friends too :( Male solidarity my arse.

OP posts:
PyroclasticFlo · 08/04/2013 15:21

Hi LNM am another one who's been following your thread from the beginning, am de-lurking to congratulate you on your great name change and new thread! I am totally in awe of you and how amazingly you've kept your dignity through what must have been a truly, truly godawful time. You are a strong woman and a great mum. You rock! Grin

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 08/04/2013 15:22

I agree with the others upthread that suggested that your stupid fool of a husband is probably being coached by his mates. I mean, he is exponentially stupid as these blokes probably talked him into infidelity in the first place-dared him...and now he is relying on them to resolve the fallout. Unbelievable. So completely narrow minded.

I also agree with the others that have said he is still "me, me, me-me-me-me, with the result that you and your dds, essentially, are (still) invisible to him. I am sorry, that must hurt worse on the one hand; but on the other hand it must, I'd like to think, give you more power of reasoning to reinforce your position.

So he doesn't want to accept that it's over? Like someone would fall down like IgglePiggle and say "ok it's not over-just because you said so"?

Imho, you can not make him accept it. That is totally on him, whether or not he accepts it, if ever. Not your problem, it's his problem. If he does make it a problem for you, then please don't hesitate to get the police involved. For this reason, just in case, it is important to keep a record of his contact with you. The 1:30am entry is the sort of thing the authorities will be interested in and if you don't keep a record of it, they won't be able to do anything. You don't have to think about it, just as a secretarial duty, file-file-file: texts, journal phone conversations and in person meetings, emails. Be vigilant.

I hope your dd is better re the cp. Your friends sound so wonderful, I'm happy jealous that you have dependable rl support. Brew ((Take care))

AllThatGlistens · 08/04/2013 15:27

You are doing so well, LNM, you truly are.

Followed this from the start and have been in awe of your dignity and strength throughout it all.

Unfortunately for him, the scales will soon begin to fall from everyone's eyes regarding his behaviour, it generally becomes very clear very quickly who's been the bastard in these situations!

Keep your head held high, we're all here for you Flowers

LittleEsme · 08/04/2013 15:44

LNM sorry if what I said sounded glib and bleak. So much has changed in such little time - it's no surprise that, despite your amazing resolve, you're absolutely reeling from this.

It will take time to heal and recover. It will take time to trust again, but trust you will one day because there are good men out there, someone who can equal your integrity and goodness.

But first, you must grieve and survive this sorry mess your excuse of a husband has left you in. That will take time.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 08/04/2013 16:06

It's ok LittleEsme, it is bleak.

The chicken pox are just about all scabbed over so should hopefully get out for the day tomorrow.

OP posts:
Jux · 08/04/2013 16:25

Good news; some fresh air and getting out a bit will beighten you all up. Hope the weather's nice for it. Peeing down here so hope you're nowhere near me!

Sorry you're having a bad day, today though. Hope a hot water bottle and paracetomol work.

Fragglewump · 08/04/2013 17:20

Wow!!! Be proud of yourself and dcs! You are an inspiration to us all. I am going to give you a message of hope.....I was you - married to a compulsive, manipulative, selfish liar who put his mates and his fun before me and our kids - he was a salesman and he covered his tracks well and got more angry and mean to me as I got sicker with anxiety and depression. ( this is a very shortened version which lists none of the truly vile things he did!!!!! ) Then after years of crap and sadness I had enough. He'd gone AWOL and turned off his phone in nights out before and I'd been i tears ringing local police and hospitals looking for him thinking he'd been injured. Then he did it again. I finally saw sense and knew I'd had enough. It was a relief. I put on loud angry music drank gin and had a good cathartic cry. Then I went to bed. Got up with the kids the next morning and after giving him a lie in (I'm too nice) I told him I was leaving. He was shocked and I saw him for who he really is. All the true colours shone like a big fresh turd left in the sun sprinkled with glitter and picked out by shafts of sunlight!!!! i was disgusted by the actions ut he couldn't hurt me anymore. I am now remarried to a great truthful brave supportive man who is truly fantastic. There is hope and you will trust again. Your anger will keep you strong for now! Be proud!