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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Last train to Loserville Part 2

999 replies

LoserNoMore · 07/04/2013 21:55

After the overwhelming support I've received on my thread I had to start another. Well I didn't have to but I have found all the advice so helpful that even if I only receive one more piece it will help.

I'll try and post the link to the full sorry story. Never linked on my phone before so it may not work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1722750-This-doesnt-look-good-does-it?pg=40&order=

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 08/04/2013 08:27

morning Smile

'leave the door open' sounds like a bloody booty call - maybe he got his phone numbers mixed up again.

i think now would be a good time to send an email saying following your continued drunken calls and texts in the night please note i am now only prepared to communicate by email and only to discuss the dd's. here is my suggested schedule for contact with the girls..... please confirm whether this is acceptable to you as i would like to be able to reassure them that they will be seeing their father regularly and they need the security of knowing how things are going to be. i will not be answering your calls and will be deleting texts without reading them from now on so please respond by email.

that sort of thing.

and then never answer the phone or read a text again - or even if you can't resist reading the texts you don't have to respond as he'll just think you're deleting them.

he truly is an arse.

Bossybritches22 · 08/04/2013 08:30

Hope you are ok LNM?

imtheonlyone · 08/04/2013 08:45

Oh bloody hell!! He doesn't give up does he? Really really hope you're ok LNM and that he didn't turn up drunk on your doorstep! Agree with the email stating how things are going to be, contact only via email to discuss girls and no calls, texts or turning up randomly on doorsteps!
Really worried about you now and I've got to go to work! Gonna be thinking about you all day!

woopsidaisy · 08/04/2013 08:46

Oh, I really hope all is ok, LNM!
Sad

DharmaBums · 08/04/2013 08:52

Hope all is ok Op and the twat didn't turn up. You needed a good nights sleep FFS! Let us know how you are. You're in so many people's thoughts today. Xxx

smokinaces · 08/04/2013 08:52

Hope everything is ok lnm, and he left you alone last night

BalloonSlayer · 08/04/2013 09:10

Hi LNM

Hope things were OK last night.

I was thinking about your H Hmm and came to the hypothesis that all or most of his actions might have stemmed from advice from - or copying the behaviour of - "the lads," at work, and latterly in the pub.

The infidelity itself, conducted while at work, arranged while someone else was driving - "Go on mate, fill yer boots. We all do it, she'll never find out! I'll cover for you."

The ignoring for days "Just disappear. That'll really scare her. She'll think you're not coming back. Worked with my missus."

The crappy 'apology' - "All you have to do mate is tell her how sorry you are. She'll welcome you back with open arms. They always do. She loves you, don't she?"

The wine and DVD - "A box of chocs and a bunch of flowers and she'll be all yours again, don't you worry my son. Women are simple creatures."

Not working out as he planned? - "I can't believe she won't forgive you? But all men play away! What sort of woman did you marry mate? Jesus, you don't half pick 'em!"

Last night - "You've been away a week. She'll be gagging for it by now. Gagging for it. Go on, give her a ring. You'll be in there. Sorted."

bluestar2 · 08/04/2013 09:21

Balloonslayer - I can visualize those conversations. You may be onto something as surely no one can be as thickskinned as he has been without some form of encouragement.

Lnm- Hope your ok and he didn't turn up. I think it would be fair to conduct all contact in writing via email now. I can't believe what little thought he has shown for his children in all of this. I mean trying to turn up at that time. So angry for you.

worldgonecrazy · 08/04/2013 09:26

Hope you're okay and he didn't turn up. He was probably relying on you leaving the door open because of you not wanting to cause a scene/wake the neighbours/wake the children, etc.

His absolute sense of entitlement, and his self-centred nature are shocking. I mentioned it on the previous thread about his mates enforcing/supporting the culture of entitlement that leads to them shagging around. For reasons I won't go into on this thread, I have quite a good understanding of men who cheat, and it is rarely a one-time thing. I seriously doubt this was his first fling. Men such as him take any opportunity when it presents itself. Sadly, in some geographical areas/workplaces, such a culture is so endemic that just about everybody has had sex with someone other than their partner. (sometimes I wish I didn't know these things!)

The culture of infidelity/entitlement may also mean that he is genuinely suprised that you aren't jumping through hoops to get him back. So there is a reason for his behaviour, that does not, however, excuse that behaviour.

MTBMummy · 08/04/2013 09:36

Love the name change, I think it's perfect

I hope he didn't bother turning up last night, and thet you and the girls are ok

saffronwblue · 08/04/2013 09:52

Hope all is OK. I love the name change - I was going to suggest pelvic floor of steel.

Notice how the stronger you are, the weaker and more hopeless he is?

Vicky2011 · 08/04/2013 09:52

Hope you're ok LNM

Jux · 08/04/2013 10:15

Hey there, my lovely. You OK?

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 08/04/2013 10:17

Morning Losernomore. Did he actually come over? I do hope not, though I suspect he did. Hope you are ok.

NotSoNervous · 08/04/2013 10:28

I hope he didn't come over OP

Your doing so well just stay strong

ChickenNoodleSoup · 08/04/2013 10:50

Hello LNM , I just joined MN just to tell you that I wish I had had your strength, determination and courage when my lying, cheating, fucktard of a XH pulled the same stunt on me years ago.

Chapeau!

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 08/04/2013 11:13

Morning, my broadband has been down so couldn't come on. Thanks for your concern. He didn't turn up. I've exchanged a few texts with him this morning basically telling him if he pulls any stunts like that again I'll take things further as its harassment. He apologised and started with the self pity again. How he is struggling to cope and can't get his head round it. I told him it wasn't exactly a walk in the park for me either but he needs to get a grip and face it, it's over. The sooner he does that the better.

OP posts:
50shadesofknackered · 08/04/2013 11:30

Definitely a better name. You are doing so well and you have been so strong, your girls are lucky to have you. Your husband is a knob who hopefully is suffering and realises what a knob he's been.

DeskPlanner · 08/04/2013 11:30

Well done. Your so strong.

hellsbellsmelons · 08/04/2013 11:37

Another one cheering you on.
Well done on your response.
Other than that 'YOU GO GIRL'!!!!

getthegirladrink · 08/04/2013 11:41

Glad you're ok this morning LNM, and total props to you Smile x

swallowedAfly · 08/04/2013 11:42

yeah it's so hard for him to get through this solo without having to care for dd's one of whom has chicken pox so you can't even get out of the hosue. oh yes, terribly hard for HIM isn't it??? Hmm

MadAboutHotChoc · 08/04/2013 11:48

Blimey - its still all me me me me with him isn't it?

He is so thick and self centred Hmm

lazarusb · 08/04/2013 11:55

My heart is bleeding for him....fuckwit! Angry
I think he is the king of compartmentalising - her in one box 'just sex' - you in another 'all that is good about me (I've just realised!)' and sadly, your dds in another...I'd be very tempted to offer to conduct discussion via e-mail or via solicitor. See how he gets his head around that!

Take care of yourself, you are a woman to be admired Smile

Jux · 08/04/2013 11:56

Well done, LNM (great name, btw). Ignore his emotional issues, stick to the factual, for the moment. It's still very early days and you don't want to get sucked in. His emotions, he has to deal with them but you don't.

You really are doing brilliantly.