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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Last train to Loserville Part 2

999 replies

LoserNoMore · 07/04/2013 21:55

After the overwhelming support I've received on my thread I had to start another. Well I didn't have to but I have found all the advice so helpful that even if I only receive one more piece it will help.

I'll try and post the link to the full sorry story. Never linked on my phone before so it may not work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1722750-This-doesnt-look-good-does-it?pg=40&order=

OP posts:
bleedingheart · 19/04/2013 12:34

I'm with panacotta, probably a misguided compliment and although he knows you broken up with ex he doesn't necessarily no why. No real harm done as you aren't expecting him to be your Prince Charming!

Hope you've had a better day today EllenM

bleedingheart · 19/04/2013 12:40

Apologies for the double post

dawntigga · 19/04/2013 12:54

Have to say I think it was a clumsy attempt at lightening the situation.

ItWasn'tVGThoughTiggaxx

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 19/04/2013 13:10

I think it was harmless enough. He's a nice guy, has lovely teeth and wears nice shoes, a must in my book! A bit early in the day to be thinking about dates.

Just chilling today, sun is out and managed to get a washing hung out, always makes me happy, sad case that Ip am. That's as exciting as it gets today, thank God! No injuries, no dramas, just peace. The way I like it Grin

OP posts:
lazarusb · 19/04/2013 14:39

I'm glad you're feeling a bit brighter. It is nice getting the washing out...!

swallowedAfly · 19/04/2013 15:49

Grin at has lovely teeth and shoes.

glad it's a peaceful day. has been here too. no work today and ds at school so rather blissful.

CabbageLeaves · 19/04/2013 16:09

I love get washing out very sad but true on the line

I think that mail is actually perfectly timed. He might be a chancer (with lovely teeth and shoes Grin ) but its good to be reminded that you are attractive to the opposite sex. It's easy to forget when an arse has just been an arse in your life

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 19/04/2013 16:37

I do feel much better today. I don't know why, maybe a few days off work was all I needed. I still have moments when I stop and think shit, did that really happen, has he really done that? But I just need to get on with things. Having good days is a start and I have started keeping a little diary, just so when I do have bad days I can look back and remind myself that it is possible. I can't believe this has all happened only a couple of weeks ago.

OP posts:
cjel · 19/04/2013 17:03

Every time you have a good day you are building memories of your new life - its all good, Someone bought me a scrap and I started taking photos and writing things to start my new life, I have new lovely family memories that just don't include him. Every lovely day like today will strengthen you. Enjoy itxx

LittleEsme · 19/04/2013 19:44

You sound a little perkier LNM, remember, baby-steps.

How about you start your new chapter with a photograph in the immortal words of my DD's "All the Girls together!".

Whatever you do tomorrow - be it a walk, trip to the shops, potter in the garden, tramp jumping although not with your bonce at the mo, make sure you take a pic of you and the girls. Get it printed and pop it in a frame. Put it where you see it all the time so it can make you smile.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 19/04/2013 19:52

That's a good idea.

Just looking forward to a nice weekend with the dd's with no drama or hospital visits. Ex was meant to take the girls from 10am-5pm tomorrow but he's working apparently well his loss his my gain.

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsAllMine · 19/04/2013 20:03

have a lovely weekend LNM. you are right, it is his loss.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 19/04/2013 20:51

Thanks Jax, you too.

Meant to sat, hope you're feeling better LittleEsme.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoserNoMore · 19/04/2013 23:26

Just heard from ex, the OW is pregnant. He said he can't be sure it's his but she's saying it is. He thought he was doing the right thing by telling me before someone else does.

I can't believe it. I just can't. I feel like I've been stabbed through the heart. I hate him.

OP posts:
thistlelicker · 19/04/2013 23:28

Oh ffs!!!! Chop his balls off and feed it the dog x

cjel · 19/04/2013 23:31

Oh bless you, how awful for you. I suppose hes right about hearing it from him first. Sometimes you wonder how much more breaking your heart can take doesn't it? (I remember the feeling of being told OW was wearing a ring he'd bought her,He hasn't even signed our settlement agreement yet let alone filed for our divorce.) I hope you don't give too much thought to it, it really shouldn't upset you too much if you are finished( Not lessening the impact but trying to help you concentrate on your life not 'them') Sending you big hugs and hoping you manage to sleep well tonightxxxx

Hopasholic · 19/04/2013 23:36

Shit. My first thoughts on this are that OW realises he doesn't want her anymore & is trying to cause as much grief as possible.

Of course, it may be true, if it is, you will get through it hon.

If he didn't want commitment he's certainly gone a funny friggin way about it.

ohforfoxsake · 19/04/2013 23:43

I've been following your threads LNM and rooting for you all the way. You've done so well.

I'm so sorry for this latest turn of events. What an utter gobshite. Sad

JollyGolightly · 19/04/2013 23:47

Oh FFS. As if you hadn't enough to deal with. I'm so sorry you have this news on top of everything else.

There is the possibility that it is bullshit.

lowercase · 20/04/2013 00:16

It could even be part of his strategy...
Remember, you are dealing with dishonest, selfish people.
They really will reap the harvest they sow.

All you can do is ( what you have been doing ) and that is keep your side of the street clean.
To get involved really would be a step down.
Keep your head up YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.
One foot in front of the other, stopping as and when..
All your dc need is for you to love them unconditionally.
Keep posting, you are not alone.

stargirl04 · 20/04/2013 00:16

Gosh LNM, I have followed this whole thread and I can't believe it. I am so sorry.

It may be a scare story that the OW is using on your H to try to force some sort of commitment from him. It does seem an incredible coincidence given that this all came out just a couple of weeks ago.

You seem a very sensible, intelligent and switched on woman so I don't expect that you would necessarily believe his story. All I would say is that these men lie habitually to both the wives and the mistresses. They just tell each one what they want to hear and try to keep all their options open for as long as they can get away with it. (They also blame everyone else but themselves and try to minimise their involvement in the situation.)

You, of course, have closed off his options. I think you are very powerful.

Thinking of you x

yonisparechangemr · 20/04/2013 00:28

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saffronwblue · 20/04/2013 00:42

Unbelieveable. What a shock for you. Just keep hanging in there and being your strong self. Your life does not have to implode at the rate his is.

sleeton · 20/04/2013 00:42

Oh shit! The shit! LNM I'm sorry, this is too too much.

lowercase · 20/04/2013 00:48

Also, consider solicitor? start getting yourself protected, putting down boundaries, securing maintenance and other essentials.

Don't take casual calls from him, have days and times, e.g. phone fridays at 6, if the girls want to speak with you they will answer the phone...would want solid dates for contact as well, you can't have him waltzing in and out as and when, trampling over your good work.

Revert to emails as preferred contact, keep asking for everything in writing. Get the ball rolling with maintenance. / car.

Take care of number one ( and 2,3 & 4 )