Last train to Loserville Part 2

[LoserNoMore]

After the overwhelming support I've received on my thread I had to start another. Well I didn't have to but I have found all the advice so helpful that even if I only receive one more piece it will help.

I'll try and post the link to the full sorry story. Never linked on my phone before so it may not work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1722750-This-doesnt-look-good-does-it?pg=40&order=

glad you managed half a good sleep LNM

mrss did you go back for your phone? I have this image in my head of someone finding a phone and thinking yippeeee only to get a serious of weird texts from your H.

I second writing things down - dont email though because chances are you will press send by mistake. nods at own mistake

pen and paper in a notepad, kept away in a drawer in the bedroom is a much better solution.

Didn't realise pen and journal in bedroom drawer was common:( Thought I was unique!!!

course you're unique Cjel.

you have a journal, I have a notepad.

phew!!! Thank you That would have finished me off otherwise!!!

Education on Rope.

Stand on the middle of your rope with one foot.
Pull up so that the rope is taught.
The handles should touch your shoulder.

So, in our bargain 10p rope, slide up the handles, unclip the fastener, and start trimming to size. Do it carefully - you can always trim more if need be. Re clip, slide handle back down. Check size.

The better you get, the length can go down to your armpits.

No hopping between turns, the idea is that you turn the rope at a faster pace so that you time your jumps with every rotation. When you get better and better, you can do 2 rotations with every jump now and again.

That said, rope has not seen light of day since Friday - been poorly. Worsened last night, got AB's from Doc. Worse again today, so much so that I'm paranoid I have early stage measles . I live in Swansea, where there's an epidemic at the mo.

Anyway, LNM. How's your day? Are you resting??

I swear to god the floodgates have opened, seriously stressed out. I can't pinpoint one exact thing that's stressing me, just a culmination of everything. Even as soon as I open my eyes after sleeping I get a feeling of dread, I'm in a constant state of worry, apart from all that just hunky dory. Running away isn't an option is it?

Sorry to hear you're poorly LittleEsme, hope you're on the mend soon.

Lnm, that sounds all very familiar. What have you decided about the ad's? It does sound like you may need them short term to get you through this? Honestly, I was on them when I went through my break up and divorce and found that once it had all settled I was able to come off them very quickly. Try to look at them as a short term help to get you through this tough path (which will pass eventually). Take care, get plenty of rest and keep talking!

LoserNoMore, I posted on your first thread a couple of times and have lurked since as I have not "been there, done that" in these dreadful circumstances. And my heart goes out to you, too, MrsSmartarse.

You are doing Great in continuing to build the Brick Wall of China boundary to keep yourself (psychological, spiritual, self-esteem wise) safe from that Confederacy of Dunces personified in the dickhead you had the misfortune to marry. I know it must be hard to see/remember that with everything else that is going on. Don't give up! Just don't.

I hope you feel better soon and that your head injury fully heals, pronto.

I got on our trampoline awhile ago and about gave myself a heart attack from bouncing just regular bounces...apparently I have developed a fear of heights and scared myself! Not to mention the old undercarriage isn't what it used to be, iykwim. I will order the jump rope too. And promise to at least try! And also try all the other exercise stuff I have bought but have not used enough to warrant the expense...Fluidity Bar, yoga dvds, exercise ball, etc, etc, etc.

Best wishes for you (and MrsSA too) to get through the day, or half day, or hour, or half hour. I have worn a watch with an old fashioned second hand on it to look at occasionally, to just be reassured that time is still moving on. Hth.

Thanks for the rope education - will be on the cutting to size case tomorrow!

Hey LNM, sorry you've got the horrors, that's hard .

I was wondering, have you managed to tell many people in real life? It ocurred to me that you might be keeping it all to yourself, to stop it seeming real, or to prevent gossip or so people won't be nice and then you fall apart, or some other reason. That is all totally understandable, but it can cause a different kind of anxiety cos then the fear of 'I'm going to have to tell people at some point and I can't bear to' starts to build up, which is another bloody thing to make you feel miserable x x

LNM, sorry to join those that are asking about AD's but have you given it some consideration? I think you should. I really do. You need your strength, and let's face it, you've been fierce strong in the last fortnight. Time for some help, even if it is in the form of a little pill.

There is no shame in that. None at all. Give it some thought?

And I second the anti-ds, to help you through this shitty difficult time. Think of them as a resource, a help, in extreme circumstances? Not necessarily a long term thing.

Op I've been following all the posts to you so much that I now have you in my head as 'Ellen M'

Anyhoo, all these things you are feeling are, of course, natural normal reactions to the stress around you. You have a lot more responsibility to your girls now, you have a broken heart, you have important decisions to make, you have a difficult work environment, you have had a recent injury and, to top it all, you have very little rl support.

It's no wonder that you start to feel overwhelmed. It's a lot to deal with. The help, advice, support and kind wishes here for you are invaluable. This is a place where you can unburden your thoughts and feelings.

But I really do agree that the two things that will help you most will be taking the ads and seeing how you get on with them, and getting some more local support whether it's through friends, work colleagues or perhaps some counselling for yourself.

Hope you manage to have a good rest over the next few days x

Pannacotta, I know you're right about telling more people in RL, I will get round to it. I don't know what's stopping me, maybe it means facing up to it and it will all become more real. I don't even want to see my closest friends, I keep cancelling on them. I know I shouldn't.

I'll pick up the presciption tomorrow for the anti d's. They have got to make me feel better than I do now.

Ellen M

Just understood Ellen M.:)

Ah honey I can quite understand the avoidance, it's grim having to tell people and see their concerned faces. It's so painful. Makes it so real. On the other hand, not seeing people or telling them just drags out this phase and increases the dread of having to face them. Do your closest friends know at least? And can you commit to making a plan to see them in the next few days - gives you a bit of time to work up to it, and we can all cheer you on and try and allay your fears in the run up?

Also, that's great you are considering the meds, but just to warn you they can take a good few weeks to become effective. And might have yucky side effects to start off with (worst of both worlds), but the side effects will pass or massively reduce in time. Much hand holding x x

LNM so sorry you're having such an awful time of it. Could you maybe cope with telling one close friend in RL and asking her to tell a select few other close friends so that they know and can rally round but you don't have to go through telling lots of people lots of times? Just a thought. Much love and hand holding, this WILL get better x

You'd think someone would have come up with a quick fix to feeling better by now wouldn't you? Having to wait a few weeks to feel better is a pain in the arse. I hate feeling like I'm not in control.

I'll set myself a goal to see my friends at the weekend.

That sounds like a good plan Ellen M!! Probably having things to look forward to - like going out and seeing your friends will help pick you up too! Even if you do a night in rather than out - its a start!

EllenM (I like it) that's a good plan. My gut instinct tells me that they may already have an inkling. This kind of news always manages to leak out.

Text one. Just one. It'll start things off and you won't have to deal with their emotional reaction/their expectations of your emotional reaction, both of which can be draining.

As always, am with you all the way. Even if I am coughing my guts up

Telling real people will help, it does make it more real but in a good way I think. If you need to re-convince yourself that your brave stance is the right one hop over to my thread called thirty years. You have no idea how much I wish I had done it your way.

But yes to antid. You would not think twice about crutches for a broken leg, you will not take them for ever. I can see from here that depression is not your natural state xxx

I've told my closest friend, she has called to arrange her coming round or meeting up but I've cancelled beforehand. I do need to face up to it. I'm sure loads of people know, I've had numerous texts from people.

Ex is still trying to convince me to take him back, it's not working.

Things will work out my lovely, they will. Not immediately, but things will get better. WILLs lots of!

Please tell your rl friends. They will support you, they will help you with practical things and best of all they will give you a big hug.

And the anti ds, will take a couple of weeks to get into your system properly so that you are functioning again.