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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Last train to Loserville Part 2

999 replies

LoserNoMore · 07/04/2013 21:55

After the overwhelming support I've received on my thread I had to start another. Well I didn't have to but I have found all the advice so helpful that even if I only receive one more piece it will help.

I'll try and post the link to the full sorry story. Never linked on my phone before so it may not work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1722750-This-doesnt-look-good-does-it?pg=40&order=

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsAllMine · 16/04/2013 17:49

how did you get on at Drs? hope you have been signed off. you need time to rest.

CabbageLeaves · 16/04/2013 18:38

MTB. Badly needed that laugh thank you

LNM take some time out to get yourself ready to come out fighting. This time will pass. You just have to survive it and that means doing what you need

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 16/04/2013 18:54

I have a sick line signing me off until 2 weeks yesterday so going back Monday 29th. I have a presciption for anti d's. I'll see how I feel about taking them, I'm not sure. My doctor prescribes these like sweets. Not sure I'm depressed, just going through a bad patch. I've been on them before and it wasn't fun, they made me feel too detached but then at this moment in time detached is a good thing.

Ex has the dd's. We arranged for him to pick them up from CM tonight. They'll be home shortly. I'm frantically searching for another job. My current job is adding to the stress.

I just want to sleep for a very long time. My eyes hurt from crying. Not sure how much longer I can n feel like this. Sorry it's all very woeful.

OP posts:
cjel · 16/04/2013 19:03

Glad you got decent time off. New job sounds a help but don't start to give yourself stress about not having found one yet!! You won't feel like this for very long I think. you have had such a crap few days it would be abnormal if you were feeling any differently. Be really kind and gentle to yourself, do what you want to feel better, If you think you don't need tablets then leave it for a bit, But there is no shame in taking a short course as a help either.

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 16/04/2013 19:04

dont be sorry. You have had an awful couple of weeks. The concussion alone is enough to send any of us reeling. Sad

It sounds like you were in fight/flight mode and now are emotionally drained. Keep talking on here. We cant make it all go away, but we can cheer you on, help with practical things and hopefully make you laugh some days.

If you want to tell (or PM) what you do I can try looking/asking about jobs in your area of expertise.

lowercase · 16/04/2013 19:09

I took ADs for 6 months...it was like a veil over my emotions...after that I felt strong enough to come off..
There were side affects though, like sleeplessness.

Be very careful around ex tonight, you may want to cave or show him how badly you are hurting, or vent anger, all this will worsen the pain ( in my opinion ) so be brief.
Take each moment as it comes.

It's going to be woeful sometimes...hold tight, it's part of the process.

Kione · 16/04/2013 19:23

hi there, I dont post much but I read this thread to see how you are doing. I take antiDPs fir my PMS and to be honest they make me feel great. No more mood changes and I dont have any side effects. If you get the right ones for you they can help a lot. And you can take until you feel strong enough like someone else said.
In the meantime Thanks

lazarusb · 16/04/2013 19:53

As Kione said, if you don't get on with the ADs ask for different ones. There are plenty out there!

I was half joking about the job - maybe stressing yourself out job hunting isn't ideal at the moment. I do think you need to leave, but when you're ready. If you gave up work entirely and relied on benefits for a while, could you manage? I understand you might be reluctant to do that...don't feel you have to reply to that btw, I'm just throwing some ideas out there.

I'm glad he stepped up & collected your dds. You're still doing really well. You might feel like you're wading through treacle but you still have your dignity & self-respect. You're allowed not to be strong now & again.

LittleEsme · 16/04/2013 20:41

Yes, the thought of that whack on your head is enough to make me wince, even now. You've been through the grinder LNM, you really have.

I'm, like the others, delighted that you're off work for the moment. It doesn't sound like a supportive environment at all. At the very least, you should be able to go to work and be busy enough to get distraction from your emotions for a while, but it sounds like your job is another factor that's causing you grief.

Hold tight for the next few days. I think we can all see how you've 'fought' these last 14 days or so, and by God, you've blown us all away with your resolve, but you're drained now. You really 'sound' it. Take the next few days to get well from the knock on your head, gather some strength, and maybe think about putting feelers out for another place of work.

In the meantime, keep talking to us. We're all holding your hand.

swallowedAfly · 16/04/2013 20:58

try to relax knowing you have this fortnight to get on top of things. give yourself tomorrow as a complete zonk day. the next day maybe you can get home sorted or look into stuff you need to find out. allow yourself some time to just switch off and rest but get things done/stay with it too.

two weeks is a long time (may not sound it) so beware of zonking too much as it can be counter productive in terms of getting too comfortable hiding in the house, not going out, being isolated etc. find a way to make a conscious effort to, yes relax and recoup, but also stay in touch with the world and not get too withdrawn.

sorry bit of waffle x

NotSoNervous · 16/04/2013 21:41

Aw OP so sorry your feeling really down today. It's good news the doctor has signed you off, just focus on yourself and your DDs and if you think finding a new job will help then you have plenty of time to look. Try and relax aswell you've been through so much.

How did it go when your DDs came home!

NotSoNervous · 16/04/2013 21:42

Home?* not home, damn my fat fingers

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 16/04/2013 21:55

Thank you, I know I keep saying it but its nice to know I can come here for a bit if support. I've just shut myself off from everyone in RL. I know that's not the answer but it's the way I feel just now.

Ex was all 'are you alright?, do you want to talk? ' eh no, why the hell would.i want to talk to the person who is responsible for making me feel like this? Dick.

OP posts:
cjel · 16/04/2013 22:05

have a little while tucked away to refresh and then contact people in RL, I always find texting a brilliant way of reaching out when you don't feel up to face to face or phoning. Even a quick I'm struggling today usually gets brilliant response. Rest tonight and tomorrow reach out.xx

minkembra · 16/04/2013 22:30

Lnm is there any chance the doc would prescribe valium instead? I am not for one second suggesting you turn into a valley head. just a very short course. My doc has bn known to on occasion. he knows i only take them in dire need. but having them there helps. and every now and then i take one to sleep. but unlike ad you don't take them all the time they wear off quick and you don't have to take weeks to come off them.

CabbageLeaves · 16/04/2013 22:49

LNM. I think fuck the fuck off probably covered it with getyerboobsoutex

Good advice from everyone on this thread. I remember feeling odd...selfish and struggling with the guilt of that. But frankly you need to put yourself first right now. DDs need their mum. They need you happy and 100%. So your mission is to get yourself there and you are going through a very stressful experience. (I do love the Gruffalo analogy)

Just survive for now. It will come right

mrssmartarse · 17/04/2013 00:58

Lnm I threw away my phone tonight whilst I walked the dog Blush I was to ready to send him everything I was thinking and feeling? I won't give him that power and you are my total and complete inspiration in this fucking mind blowing, shitty, crap.... Just sad Sad time! I'm reading your posts and feeling like I know you? Shock

You are the most selfless, bravest mum I "know" Thanks

Keep strong for your Dds and for your sanity, if the doc thinks you need the ads then bloody take them! If they do no good then stop? If you want some Rl tlc I'm 30mins away? ThanksWine Xxx

CabbageLeaves · 17/04/2013 07:29

LNM. A day for you today. Wake up and spend it relaxing..garden, walk, movie, DVD, nice food, meeting friends, baking food...whatever floats your boat but for you. Hope the girls are good for you

lazarusb · 17/04/2013 09:25

Sending you a bit of strength today LNM (& Mrs - did he give you any honest answers last night?). Cabbage has some good ideas there, put yourself first for a few hours. Forget about work, even if you can't forget about that twunt.

dawntigga · 17/04/2013 09:31

The level of their self absorption never fails to make me goggle! I've been waiting for this tbh, it is part of the grieving process and you need to just live in the moment. Which is much easier typed than done! Can't give you a coffee or a hug so I'll just say this to shall pass, ime it goes quicker if you allow it to happen and ride the waves so to speak.

If all else fails I have a baseball bat called karma if you'd like to borrow it Wink

ThinkingOfYouTiggaxx

cjel · 17/04/2013 09:58

Mrs. I write a journal so I get out all the stuff that goes round in my head that I would like to say to him,but no one has to see it. Lnm and Mrs. I hope you can both have days caring for yourselves and most of all look after yourselves as you would look after each other.xx

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 17/04/2013 13:55

Well I dropped dd's at school, came home and went to bed. Was in a lovely sleep and my work called me and woke me up about something stupid. Just been lazing about, still tired.

OP posts:
imtheonlyone · 17/04/2013 14:24

Note to self - switch off phone when catching zzzzzzzz's in the day!!!!!

Hope you're ok - haven't posted for a few days but still following. Glad you're having some time off work, seems a very sensible thing to do. All this stuff takes time to process - and writing things down is not a bad idea at all. Just read how much admiration and respect is out there for you - you really can do this. May not seem like it at times but really you can!

Oh and my skipping rope arrived yesterday also - a black one!! Can anyone provide us with the optimum skipping technique?? Do you jump and go over rope on every jump or do a jump in between? And legs together or stepping over the rope??!!

cjel · 17/04/2013 15:34

Its lovely to have the freedom to go back to bed isn't it? I don't know how to skip[ either, mine went in the drawer when it came, Is it supposed to be a certain length?
Hope you're feeling a bit better today lnm?

lazarusb · 17/04/2013 16:11

My plan for day one after my last exam is to drop ds off at school, come home & go to bed! Just the sheer luxury of being able to do it, stretching out...phone off. Good book if I can't sleep...joy!

You sound so much better again, what a difference a few days can make. How you managed not to swear at your h I will never know. It's more than I could do...and I don't even know him!