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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Last train to Loserville Part 2

999 replies

LoserNoMore · 07/04/2013 21:55

After the overwhelming support I've received on my thread I had to start another. Well I didn't have to but I have found all the advice so helpful that even if I only receive one more piece it will help.

I'll try and post the link to the full sorry story. Never linked on my phone before so it may not work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1722750-This-doesnt-look-good-does-it?pg=40&order=

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsAllMine · 16/04/2013 07:53

oh mrs that is just horrific. Angry I am so very sorry. Sad

LNM hows the head today? Hope you are feeling a little bit better.

I am almost speechless by all the fuckwit threads that I read - these men. I would be absolutely horrified if my son behaved that way.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 16/04/2013 08:01

Heads ok, still a bump but turning a nice yellow colour, lovely. Yeah back to work today unfortunately. Dreading it.

OP posts:
Jux · 16/04/2013 08:32

LNM, glad your head's a bit better and your bruise is nice and colourful. Hope you got a good rest last night and I hope work goes OK today.

swallowedAfly · 16/04/2013 08:58

glad your head is alright now. sadly not stunned by all this adultery and lying. sorry for your discovery mrs.

lazarusb · 16/04/2013 09:21

LNM - hopefully work will keep your mind off things a bit. I know it's hard but the 'normality' of work & the fact nobody there knows what you're going through might be what you need right now. Fingers crossed. Don't worry about your head, hope it's heals soon and the bruise fades quickly.

Mrs - sorry, just don't know what to say. I hope you've kept a copy of the e-mails etc. I'd be very inclined to go to the bathroom as soon as he's with you & text sil and tell her you know. (but not before, although I guess he may have told her). Wouldn't be surprised if he blames some woman he works with instead though. Angry. Hope you're meeting him in a neutral place too, I wouldn't be inclined to let him back in your house.

dawntigga · 16/04/2013 12:27

The skipping rope came today.

I'mGoingToNeedAStrongerBraTiggaxx

cjel · 16/04/2013 12:46

Mine came today as well. I got black, I was hoping for red!!

MTBMummy · 16/04/2013 13:25

Not been on here for a while and just caught up

I cannot believe these men, his SiL??? I mean really? These men seem to have no depth to which they won't sink.

To try and lighten the mood I wanted to share a story about SBXH, shortly after I discovered the affair.

I called SBXH to chase up some documents of mine and got the receptionist, I asked her where he was and she said out to lunch (I was feeling more than a little stressed) and I muttered under my breath "he's probably off shagging A" (who was his PA) little did I know, he was also shagging the receptionist, but the PA and the receptionist didn't know about each other.

Apparently when he got back to work, all hell broke loose, there was a proper fight in the office (not that he was worth fighting over) the women were both disciplined and he was suspended without pay.

It was completely unplanned or premeditated, but after that I thought I could not have gotten revenge in a better way. :-)

These men will trip themselves up eventually, and will end up miserable and alone. Someone once told me "the best revenge is to live your own life and be happy" - and it really is

cjel · 16/04/2013 13:35

Oh my MTB! It really is the best thing to live your own life well, whether for revenge or just because it feels good!!!

Wideboy · 16/04/2013 13:39

My skipping rope also arrived today - in a very masculine black too. It'll be a while before I can use it though as I'm recovering from surgery. Consumer report to follow...

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 16/04/2013 13:44

Work is shit I hate it. Received a snotty email from a colleague, she pointed out a fucking typo I had made in my email to her. I mean wtf! Patronising cow. Anyway it set me off, sitting at your desk trying not to cry and then remembering the real reason you're crying makes it worse.. Then the phone rings and I can't even talk because everyone will know I'm crying. I know if anyone asks if I'm ok that'll make me worse too.

That's me escaped for lunch, what a relief to get out of there and just cry.

OP posts:
cjel · 16/04/2013 13:57

OhLNM. I'm sorry you're having a shit morning. What an idiot she is. isn't it horrid how little things get you going? Sending you tissues and big hugs. Do what you need to look after yourself.xxx

lowercase · 16/04/2013 14:00

Is there someone you could tell at work, HR?
So they can go easy on you.

With the typo, that prob wouldn't bother you ordinarily, but when the world has been turned upside down, it seems personal...
I'm sure she had no intention of harming you.

Use the mumsnet mantra here, 'this too shall pass'...
And it shall.
Neither celebration nor sorrow endures.
One foot in front of the other, pausing when you need to.
Bless all of you walking through the day.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 16/04/2013 14:13

Thank you.

I really don't like HR woman. I'm not being awkward but I really dislike her. I don't know what to. Everytime I think, I cry. Hormones aren't helping either. I can't go back to work like this. Just tried to redo my make up and I have a blotchy red face with swollen eyes. Fuck!

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsAllMine · 16/04/2013 14:17

oh lnm, Im so sorry you are having a shit day at work. Is there anyone in the office (assume its an office you work) that you could tell?

cjel · 16/04/2013 14:17

this isn't long term (and :(tearful few days a month know what thats like) but could you blame it on concussion today and leave early?

swallowedAfly · 16/04/2013 14:23

that's a good point. though when they find out you and dh have split they'll probably add 2 and 2 with the concussion and make 100.

lowercase · 16/04/2013 14:24

Can you lay previous experience of her aside to ask for her help?
You need everyone on side that you can get, if she is prejudiced or unhelpful, complain.
She may surprise you.

Put yourself first, above any dispute with whoever about whatever.
If you go in and be honest, they may respond to your advantage?

Top priority, secure some breathing space.

LittleEsme · 16/04/2013 16:31

LNM I hope you've managed to confide in someone. Are you home now?

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 16/04/2013 16:37

I phoned my boss on my break. I told her I felt I had a migraine coming on, which I'm not lying about. She tutted and huffed.

Had to go and grab some stuff from Asda and just walked about in a daze. Going to the doctors at 5.15 mainly to ask for something to help me sleep.

OP posts:
PyroclasticFlo · 16/04/2013 16:47

Oh love, you must tell them - and soon. The longer you leave it the worse it'll be. Just say the bare minimum about Mr Loser, and tell her about the concussion, and ask for a few days' grace. The worst they can say is no, in which case you've lost nothing anyway, but at least they'll know and will hopefully make allowances. Be brave, we're all here with you hand-holding. Please look after yourself, and ask for help xx

Fairenuff · 16/04/2013 16:52

I think you should ask for a few more days off. You are probably still suffering the effects of shock and the blow to the head won't have helped. Get the gp to sign you off for at least a couple of days. I know you said you won't get paid but your health has to take priority. If you can get a good rest you will feel miles better.

Do you have to have a 'back to work' interview after sick leave. That may be a good time to let then know what's happened. It may be that word is circulating anyway, it's surprising how news travels, there is always someone who lives next door to someone who's sister works with someone... y'know.

Not been skipping but have started The Shred. My, it's tough but today I managed 16 minutes Grin

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 16/04/2013 17:03

Thanks Flo, I will, even if I can get the week off to pull myself together.

Fairenuff, the shred is great, I could barely walk after day 3 but it does work doesn't it! I should get a return to work interview but they don't do them. Just hand you a sick form to fill in.

OP posts:
lazarusb · 16/04/2013 17:17

I hope the Dr signs you off for a bit (do they still do that?). Or at least sign yourself off for a few days. Take care of yourself. (Maybe use your few days off to look for another job- sounds like an unpleasant place to work!).

Got my black skipping rope today too, it reminds me of licorice. I also recommend The Hairy Dieters for weight loss. I'm now the same size & weight I was in my early 20s and it's been really easy!

swallowedAfly · 16/04/2013 17:22

let the doc sign you off - concussion plus loads going on at home means you are probably sorely in need of some rest and processing time. tell the kids' father that he needs to give you some money as he should be anyway and it will take the pressure off and allow you some time.

csa works at 15% of net salary so that is the minimum he should be paying you.

hope you get some rest tonight and i hope the doctor is supportive and gives you something to short term deal with sleep and stress.

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