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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Dating thread no 49

999 replies

JulietteMontague · 01/04/2013 15:17

All daters welcome here.

OP posts:

Report

EternalRose · 01/04/2013 22:20

I am ok thanks ladies, just counting down the days till I leave. OWW I think you asked if I am safe before, and never managed to come back on and reply. Yes, I am safe I am just at the stage where I am more angry at myself for putting up with this for so long..

Snape - All I can say is

Bant, I say go for it!

ALittleStranger · 01/04/2013 22:22

Bant would Buffy be surprised if she knew you'd done this?

Ethical dating.com is a way of life, not just a URL.

JulietteMontague · 01/04/2013 22:23

Bant could you be up front with her and tell it how it is? ie you have been seeing someone, it was unexpected. She is also leaving soon when it will definitely end. You were just browsing, passing the time and... even though you and Buffy don't have future plans you want to do the honerable thing etc. The thing is, you will really mess things up with everyone if it turns out she really is great, and mess things up a bit in terms of having to be careful what you say if she isn't. Fwiw, I have had high matches on okc that just weren't, it depends entirely on the number and range of questions they have anwered. I've answered over 500 I think so can get matched with someone who has answered 50 who is a moron. The algorithm used to take more variables into account and they've not changed it so its much more hit and miss.

OP posts:

OhWesternWind · 01/04/2013 22:24

Bant in the circumstances, I don't think this is classified as a Bad Thing. Are you going to meet? Actually, that should be when are you going to meet?

Rose glad that the Great Escape is going to be soon. Not long to go now.

mercury7 · 01/04/2013 22:24

do sauna's have any actual health benefits??
I can help thinking it's a bit stressful getting all heated up like that ...I've not been in one since my late teens

OhWesternWind · 01/04/2013 22:26

I've never been in one Merc and reading this thread hasn't tempted me.

Where's Ike btw?

JulietteMontague · 01/04/2013 22:34

My view is that wandering into the online sweet shop whilst involved with someone is a bad thing as it is disrespectful (I know you didn't expect to see anyone but you opened the door, then went in the room). Seeing if you can taste the sweets, bad thing. No one who has feelings for someone else would be happy with that. Sleeping with one person and being genuinely intimate (which you and Buffy are) whilst meeting up with others, bad thing for all concerned. If you would not be prepared to tell Buffy about it, or call it off then it really is a bad thing.

OP posts:

JulietteMontague · 01/04/2013 22:34

Said with love obvs

OP posts:

JulietteMontague · 01/04/2013 22:37

Saunas are meant to have benefits to the circulation (don't know why), they do help prepare the skin for exfoliation, and they do make me feel good and relaxed but I don't know if that is a health thing.

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Scrazy · 01/04/2013 22:40

Bant, I agree it's not on really. I would wait until Buffy has left and you know that things are over or finish it sooner if you want to see the local woman more than once.

ike1 · 01/04/2013 22:42

HereI am obsessing over daniel craig...been to see skyfall

Scrazy · 01/04/2013 22:43

Maybe I posted before I engaged my brain. As I know some of the posters on here advocate having more than one on the go. It's not something I would do if I had any feelings for someone.

mercury7 · 01/04/2013 22:44

I remember that sauna's made me feel very relaxed, but really I'm dozy enough as it is :o

KinNora · 01/04/2013 22:48

Ike I saw a Skyfall train today, with a giant Daniel Craig on the side.

ike1 · 01/04/2013 22:49

Oooooh never realised I fancied him until today!!!

Scrazy · 01/04/2013 22:52

I haven't seen Skyfall, I rarely go to the cinema but will get it on DVD.

Bant · 01/04/2013 22:52

The problem is that buffy is, while great, fantastic in bed, funny, smart, sarcastic and attractive, only a friend with benefits. If she was in the same country for 3,4 12 or 24 months then maybe I could think of it as more. She's told me she has a Friend wherever she goes. I'm her current FWB. I'm okay with that.

But fuck, I want more. Not every weekend or every night, my life doesn't lend itself to that. But something where I can think 'oh, they're making a new star wars film, I want to go see it with X, not 'oh, there's a special offer on condoms this week, I wonder if we'll get to finish the pack'

I'll be honest with buffy. But I kind of want to meet CootGirl first, once. Is that horrible?

antonym · 01/04/2013 22:52

Bant surely too spooky a coincidence - honeytrap by Buffy?

ALittleStranger · 01/04/2013 22:53

Scrazy, more regular posters can give their POV, but to me having more than one on the go refers to the early stages of messaging and first dates. I will happily have a series of first dates planned and mix it up with some second dates, but I don't think I'd feel comfortable sleeping with someone and continuing to look for others.

JulietteMontague · 01/04/2013 22:54

Having more than one of the go is absolutely fine if that is what everyone is signed up for but when you are truly intimate and you both believe you have a connection with someone then the game changes, otherwise it makes a mockery of the level of intimacy you think you have. I'm not equatiing intimacy with sex, it's far more, sharing, trust, and an understanding.

OP posts:

Scrazy · 01/04/2013 22:54

Well it sounds mutual then Bant, if she sees it that way.

JulietteMontague · 01/04/2013 22:59

Bant if you think Buffy would not be hurt and you have both agreed you are fwb then its ok, if there is doubt about it, then no. Of course you want more, you want the whole thing and no its not horrible to want that but if you're going to do it, just think through how this is likely to go.

Why is important to meet coolgirl first? what if you do like her, do you keep her waiting in the wings until Buffy goes or juggle both or finish with Buffy. On a practical level, how exactly would you have a relationship with Coolgirl when she lives in the UK and your spare time is in Hungaria?

OP posts:

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EternalRose · 01/04/2013 23:03

Bant you mentioned before she has commitment issues and runs away everytime a man proposes, added to the fact she is leaving in a few weeks I would meet the other woman really...

KinNora · 01/04/2013 23:05

Ike you mean to say that you didn't fancy him when you saw him walk out of the sea in his trunks ? You're a tough cookie and no mistake.

Bant I would simply say treat Buffy the way you'd like to be treated if the situation was reversed.

SweetSeraphim · 01/04/2013 23:06

Bant, I thought you said you couldn't date in the UK because that's when you have your dc?

Flip

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