:-(

[Nevertruetomyself]

I know that I am going to get flamed here. The only reason I am posting is because I know that something needs to change and I dont know where to start.

I am a regular poster and have changed my name for obvious reasons.

I am divorced. I have 2 teenage children and I have been having an affair with a married man for 2 years.

I am in love with him, he says he is in love with me but I am not stupid, I know that he will never leave his family.

He has many reasons for having an affair which I wont go into, but his wife is a nice person and she does not deserve this. He is never unkind about her, when he talks of her he tells me what a good mother she is and a kind person.

I dont know how to stop. I know that the easy answer is to just 'stop' but I cant, I have tried many, many times but I cant.

Sorry to be blunt, but I need to be honest here. The main reason that I cant stop is because the sex is out of this world. I have never experienced anything like it with anyone else and cant imagine that I will ever again. He makes me feel amazing, I have a very high sex drive and so does he.

It has to end I know it does, but how?

(I know I am a bad person, etc. etc., but telling me that will not help me out of this situation)

Yes I have cut contact with him.

I dont think he would have had sex with her an hour before, hes not that good :-)

So let me get this straight, if he doesnt tell me about his sex life hes a twat and a liar, if he does tell me hes a twat and so am I.

Never underestimate what a man like that can do. I know in my experience that some men can do just that.

Well done on breaking contact, it's a big step!

You said it.

That poor woman. She fucks him and she doesn't know he's been fucking you.
Doesn't that make you just a little bit sad?

Yes it makes me very very said which is why I want it to end.

But then again, lots of people sleep with other people without telling the others they are also sleeping with. A single man I dated was also dating several others as well (that I didnt know wabout) Obviously getting married doesnt stop a lot of people!

Im not saying its right, but it happens!

Murder happens too right? But I have decided not to murder.
Violence happens too? But I have decided not to be violent.
Adultery happens too - but I decided never to do that too.

Write out a set of rules to live your life by and stick to them. It is that simple.

Dating lots of people at the same time is very different to betraying someone you live with, have children with.

Dating lots of people at the same time is very different to betraying someone you live with, have children with

I agree with you.

It was in response to the disgust shown that he is sleeping with more than one person and that I knew about it.

But you can see why people are showing disgust? It isn't nice to be complicit in an affair and continuing it long term. Think about it in moments of weakness.

His wife deserves better and you'd do well to check yourself and realise that you do to.

Have you read the thread?

Oh stuff it. Good luck with it all. You're not remorseful. I've been on the thread since the beginning where you didn't want to hear anything...

WTF???

You are obviously on a different thread to me!!

I'm sorry I'm not really sure what you are asking for on this thread?

Nevertrue still trying to justify yourself!

So what if people who aren't in a committed relationship sleep around? The fact that you think there's any comparison to be drawn between that and your situation shows you've completely lost your perspective.

Sorry, just read Is it for support now you feel like you have ended it?

Well done, try and make your life as busy as possible. A new interest? Possibility of making new friends/social life in an area that feels totally different to what's happened in the past.

I get that it will be hard. Write down what you're feeling and why you're doing it, to refer back to?

Nevertrue, I think you have been quite lucky on this thread in how people have responded, there has been a fair degree of sympathy when you could have been absolutely savaged and you haven't been.
I think really though, posters are flogging a dead horse with trying to offer you good advice, you have some kind of justification or excuse for everything.

I find this uncomfortable reading now actually.

OP has said she's cut contact and is trying to make it stick.

She knows it was wrong. That's why she want's to be strong about this.

Why are some people being just as angry as before?

Im not trying to justify anything? it seems whatever I say is wrong to be honest!!

The latest one, I said that I had dated a man (single) who I later found out had slept with several others, this was a point I made in response to disgust shown about a MM sleeping with his wife and me. I also said IT DOESNT MAKE IT RIGHT. This has now been taken as me 'justifying' what I have done?

I answered a post which suggested that I saw the wife as 'one dimensional' and 'a mother earth type' and that I was stupid for not realising that he slept with his wife. I pointed out that I know he slept with his wife and I am stupid because of that too.

Everything I respond to, even where I have said 'I agree' someone has a go at me! if I didnt reply, people would come to their own conclusions and if I reply I am 'making excuses' if I reply 'OK' to everything will that help?

(No doubt I am being passive agressive for saying this?)

Thanks for the support that I have had (on here and PM) I appreciate it.

Thank you Koala, im not going mad then?

How long has it been since you were last in touch?

*I know that you are trying to 'shock' me, telling me these 'truths' but I have been in a 'relationship' with this man for 2 years, I think I know him quite well :-)
*

You think you know hiim quite well?. You certainly know him better in 2 years than the woman he has been married to and known how long? who doesn't know what a nasty sleazy cheating liar he is don't you.

Hello OP - this: "Ive tried counselling I find it almost impossible to open up about everything and end up going on about something else instead". I think that until you are prepared to overcome your fear and make the leap to open up about yourself to a skilled therapist, you will never move beyond your current mindset. There are reasons why you are having this affair and finding it so hard to stop and I think that if you dig deep enough, you will find those reasons and then the need for the affair will no longer be so great. Good luck.

We were last in touch yesterday when I ended it.

Ok, did you say a week was the longest the two of you had managed to be without contact?
Do you have a strategy in case he phones you after a couple of days?

It IS uncomfortable reading. I suppose I have always liked to think as the OW being duped in some way by a guy saying "The wife doesn't love me, we don't have sex anymore, etc, etc, she's not very nice..."

To hear that, actually this wife is very kind, they do still have sex, and the OW is quite happy with that is quite...I dunno...I find OPs lack of empathy with another woman quite shocking, especially now that she has compared her situation with a single person shagging around. Surely she doesn't think that's valid!?

OP, having said that, I don't mean to be mean. We've all done rotten, embaressing things. This will sound patronising and I don't mean it to be but I imagine you might have had kids quite young and didn't get the wild years over and done with earlier...

I really do wish you best of luck and strength in the future.