Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating chat thread! Number 47

999 replies

lubeybooby · 20/03/2013 19:43

Here we go again folks, all dating related chit chat here.

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 24/03/2013 15:21

When I'm with him it's all so good. I know he has feelings for me and I will miss him loads. I look forward to seeing him so much, I live spending time with him and don't want to lose all that.

OhWesternWind · 24/03/2013 15:24

This is so horrible, whatever I do I'll regret it. I don't know how I am going to be able to have this conversation with him. I am sat in the bathroom crying, need to get a grip but it all just feels so awful. I don't know what to do.

OhWesternWind · 24/03/2013 15:24

I don't want to hear him say it.

MirandaWest · 24/03/2013 15:26

I wish I could give you a big hug OWW

girliefriend · 24/03/2013 15:28

oh dear God I have an actual proper date tomorrow night with an actual man Shock

Am already shitting myself feeling quite nervous, he is nearly 10 yrs older than me and describes himself as a struggling artist.... those aren't really red flags, right?

Obv met on match (no idea how else you are meant to meet men Grin )

Wish me luck.

KinNora · 24/03/2013 15:33

OWW what would you tell one of us to do right now, in the same situation ?

OhWesternWind · 24/03/2013 15:39

Nora I just don't know. I can't think properly.

KinNora · 24/03/2013 15:45

Have you tried writing things down, like Velvet suggested ?

KinNora · 24/03/2013 15:47

Think of all the times you've dealt with really terrible things, much worse things than this and been brave and come through it ok, in fact come through it stronger than before - that's the real you, no matter how bad it feels now.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 24/03/2013 15:52

OWW the difference is if you put up with his pathetic crumbs you will regret it for a long time and not be happy for a long time - until at some point there will be a proverbial straw that breaks the camels back.

If you don't and it ends, then yes it will feel shit but for a much shorter time than the alternative, you just have to ride it out and in time it will become clear to you how crap and wrong it all was, and you'll be fine. Plus of course you then have the chance of meeting someone actually nice who won't put you through this endless shite.

Ripping the plaster off as opposed to slowly peeling over months or years. I know what I prefer.

Well I'd actually prefer him to stop being a knob who isn't worth being allowed to look at you let alone be in a relationship with you. But he isn't going to change, he's proved that over all these times of crapness. he's had many chances.

OP posts:
Snapespeare · 24/03/2013 15:57

OWW you poor love. This is so hard on you.

I don't have anything to add to the great advise up thread, but I am very much thinking about you and wishing you strength to make the best decision for you.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 24/03/2013 16:04

and... and... I'd like very much to lace his coffee with very strong laxatives for doing this to you over and again

The pain

The anguish

The doubt

and for already having managed to grind you down to this point. A lovely and beautiful woman who deserves so much more, reduced to tears in the bathroom.

How fucking dare he.

All you have ever asked is a little attention and to be treated like a girlfriend and not a fwb.

All he needed to do was show some action instead of words.

Stop giving just enough to keep you hanging on, clinging to hope.

It's not difficult. It's not unreasonable. Not if he feels the way he claims he does.

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 24/03/2013 16:06

Well it was all just lies and I fell for it all.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 24/03/2013 16:16

OWW I don't doubt that he did have feelings and that this wasn't built on absolute lies.

However...

He just isn't made of what it takes to be the one for you. That's pretty poor isn't it considering you really weren't asking much.

Perhaps it's that really he just isn't ready for a relationship full stop and he's one of these types that won't be ready for a very very long time.

Perhaps he's just too self absorbed to ever be right for you

Perhaps he just has a really inconsiderate nature

Perhaps his feelings have changed and he's too cowardly to say

Perhaps he's just a total player

Whatever it is though, this is no good for you and it's time it stopped, and he isn't going to change

I am super proud of you for standing up for what you want and need, but the strength it took to be able to do that... is wasted on this man. As are all your other efforts and your precious time.

OP posts:
KinNora · 24/03/2013 16:23

< raids the Picolax cupboard at work >

He's not important, you are, you're the person that matters to us.

WarmFuzzyFun · 24/03/2013 16:37

(I am back and have tears at) How wonderful you all have been in supporting OWW

To paraphrase Juliette (from an earlier thread, something that really resonated with me:

'Whatever happens, OWW, you are still you, and as lovely as ever' That is what will always remain unchanged.

You are a good person, we care about your well being, and I am sure, that all your kindness, love, good nature and quirkiness (we are all quirky Wink) will find it's proper and rightful home very soon.

WarmFuzzyFun · 24/03/2013 16:38

Now, hoist up your bosom and put your game face on, and deal with him from a position of STRENGTH - let me hear you roar!!!

WarmFuzzyFun · 24/03/2013 16:39

Can you tell, my girly weekend has done me the power of good?

KinNora · 24/03/2013 16:41

Certainly can WFF, you're like a turbocharged Germaine Greer

OhWesternWind · 24/03/2013 16:42

Thank you everyone for being so lovely. It really helps.

All I can do is say what I need to say. I am going to do that, nothing else for it. I know I'm going to cry though and I look like a total wreck already. I just don't want to do this, I really don't. I'm fed up of shit stuff happening and I really thought this was something good coming into my life at last but it's just more shit. I've had enough. The main thing I had to look forward to was seeing him, everything else is humdrum and hard work and he was my bit of light relief and fun and now that will be gone as well. I'm fed up of having to be strong and brave, I just don't want to.

OhWesternWind · 24/03/2013 16:44

Wah wah wah

KinNora · 24/03/2013 16:46

You're entitled to have a tantrum and absolutely entitled to have a cry, nothing wrong with that.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 24/03/2013 16:48

OWW, I keep reading all this back and I have to add again at this point that we're all here for you whatever.

I know I'm very vocal about what is a strong opinion. But that doesn't mean I won't be here with tissues if needed or with a tentative yay if he actually really puts some substance and effort into this (although it shouldn't have to be an effort at this stage.. gahhh!)

I also think the worst possible thing to do is pussyfoot around this matter when this is your life, your wellbeing, your happiness at stake here. The advice has to be genuine and how I see it or I'd never forgive myself...

This is very sad song but it is stuck in my head wrt to your situation OWW

When this is how I see it, how can I not say it?

AlunaGeorge.. your drums, your love.

Your drums, we're drumming, your drums
Your drums, we're drumming, your drums

You can't say that I'm going no where
Cause you don't know where I'm coming from
And you can't say that I'm going no where
When I have been trying to reach you for so long

Your drums, we're drumming, your drums

Friends say I've got something wrong,
Cause I've been trying to reach you for so long.
For so long, I've tried
To reach you baby, don't you know that

I've been treading water for your love,
Whether I sink or swim, it's you I'm thinking of.
I've been treading water for your love
As my light grows dim maybe you're not strong enough boy

Your drums, we're drumming, your drums
Your drums, we're drumming, your drums

I can't say where I'm going... no where
This feeling goes on and on.
I can't say that I'm going somewhere
When I've been failing to reach you for so long

For so long, I've tried
To reach you baby, don't you know that

I've been treading water for your love,
Whether I sink or swim, it's you I'm thinking of.
I've been treading water for your love
As my light grows dim maybe you're not strong enough boy

Maybe all along (all along)
I've been holding on (holding on)
To the promise that you need some time.
Making everything into a story
Making sure I never get to feel happy
Taking everything you do my own way
Thinking that you're begging me please

I've been treading water for your love,
Whether I sink or swim, it's you I'm thinking of.
I've been treading water for your love
As my light goes dim maybe you're not strong enough boy

Your drums, we're drumming, your drums
Your drums, we're drumming, your drums

OP posts:
WarmFuzzyFun · 24/03/2013 16:49

Grin @ KinNora

On a lighter note, check out this profile on POF, it has had me in tears of laughter. He has favourited me...
So funny

KinNora · 24/03/2013 16:55

Oh I can't see it, WFF - bugger. Would you like to see the photo I was sent in my PoF IE experiment yesterday ? Warning, it's hotttttttt ttttttsssssssssssss