Dating chat thread! Number 47

[lubeybooby]

Here we go again folks, all dating related chit chat here.

Okay, I've texted and asked him to come over tonight.

I am absolutely torn between knowing I deserve better treatment than this and not wanting to split up with him. However, I am going to say my piece, which is pretty much what I texted last night, see what his response is and then I can pretty much guarantee we will be going our separate ways. I'm not going to cave in although I know I am going to cry which will be a bit crap.

Scrazy I don't think there are any guarantees of nice man-dom, all you can do is watch out for any of the dreaded red flags and take it as it comes. Obviously this is easier said than done when you've been on the end of previous crappy treatment.

Of course you are torn, but look at it this way. Do you want to carry on as it is? If so then keep seeing him, if not then unless he promises to try harder and actually does so in the next couple of weeks then stop seeing him.

If he really can be the man you want in your life then by stopping seeing him it won't be final. He will realise that you are what he wants and come running. If he doesn't you will slowly heal, I would say around 3 months, you will regain peace of mind in the meantime and one day find time to date again and meet a fantastic guy.

If it ends, then go no contact either forever or until your emotions then the anger has subsided and you can feel level headed about you and him.

Of course you don't want to split up with him. Maybe you need to reach a point where just getting on with it will come easier, I don't honestly know.

But - despite the fact that you love him - you spend 80% of your time stressed out about the relationship. This really should be the case with someone that you're supposed to be with. It shouldn't be hard work.

I don't even think he's doing any of this deliberately. I just think he's completely emotionally unavailable, and it will only cause you heartache. I think you've had enough of that these past few months, don't you?

Best of luck tonight, we will all be in your pocket

Kin, I've said no so will see if he still arranges our coffee date, if not then meh, nowt lost.

This really shouldn't be the case!

OWW I think your plan is a good one.

I agree with EternalRose too

I would try and dredge that anger up OWW... HE has consistently done this to you, it is not you in any way shape or form. You've been nothing but lovely and asking for perfectly reasonable things.

Yeah Scrazy easy come, easy go ( I know it's not really that 'easy' in practice but if we tell ourselves it is, perhaps it'll get easier to believe it ).

OWW as Sweet says, you've got us all on your side, no matter what.

Kin, it's very easy when you've never met, I find.

OWW I know, god I know, it is easier said that done, but don't make any assumptions about tonight until you have seen or spoken to LM. The lack of kisses or anything in the text could mean he thinks you are going to finish with him and he is backing off because of that.

See him, speak to him, tell him what you want and need, be very clear and spell it out. Listen to what he says and tells you, and then you decide.

You know what you want, it's just the next stage, a natural development in a relationship. You aren't asking for anything unreasonable.

We are all hear for you and will be whatever the outcome. Maybe try and have a long hot soak in a bath or watch a film and try to put it out of your head for an hour or two. Or maybe if you can't, right it all down. It sounds trite but a list of pro's and con's about being with him and what you need him to be doing to change those con's. A brain dump on paper sometimes help to clarify things. But whatever you do, look after yourself. Don't apologise to us, it is what we are here for and you do the same for all of us.

oh my god, my spelling and grammar! that's here not hear and write not right!

I think the advice about writing it down, or if not then rehearsing what you want to say in your head, is really good. I think it helps (I know it helps me anyway) to clarify and distil your thoughts, and work out what it is you really need and want to say.

tbh it didnt help much with C, but the fact I actually managed any sort of a conversation when I have never done that before is a pretty big step for me.

Western, whatever you decide, we are here for you. And irrespective of all our opinions, you need to do what's right for you. We just want you to be happy, both in general and with any decision you make.

Oh I don't think it's a three monther to get over this - am intending to be up and at 'em way before then.

I know I am going to finish it with him tonight. He's not given me what I want previously and I can't see that changing now. I want someone who is not afraid of their emotions and of letting someone into their life, and that's not him. I am not going to settle for second best.

However, he has shown me some great things about myself and I know that I'm not "broken" in terms of being able to have a close, loving relationship, but that he is. We've had some great times, absolutely fantastic sex (which I will really, really miss) plus a lot of fun and laughter. And if I can do all this stuff with him, I can do it with someone better.

But still, oh shit.

That's the stuff OWW. You've found your fight. Keep hold of it with all your might! Sorry for accidental poetry. (hug)

That's the spirit OWW!

Your post is spot on.

Yes OWW that's the spirit. I felt emotionally stunted for years then fell for the ex and know that I could fall for someone else who will be better.

I wasn't suggesting you went 3 months without dating, but I reckon, it will take 3 to 4 months to lose the anger and longing and see things unemotionally and with clarity.

Okay so Mt "Younger than me" is asking what I like yo do on a date as in drink, dinner, coffee etc. He is a lot younger than me tbough buy says that he likes older women and preferably bigger women. I am not skinny so he won't be disappointed .

Trouble is that much younger men generally don't do it for me. Am willing to try a date though.

Jake....in my experience with much younger guys...the convo will soon be turning to his big, juicy, girthsome cock....just sayin'

something to look forward to then eh Jake?

Nope not interested in thst lol.....he is 32 to my 47 so in all honesty a bit on the young side for me.

Well if you are not into youth...Jake. I just have found and in fact had it spelt out to me the other day that the fantasy for a younger guy is to find a promiscuous, experienced older woman for regular hot sex.....well not THIS hot muther matey...

ike & lulu

Jake.. younger can be good sometimes... case in point, Snape and Nameless!

ike at THIS hot muther matey!!

Really I just want him to make it all alright and step up and be what I want/need. I so very much don't want to finish it.

I can't see why it's all so difficult. This is all straightforward stuff.

Oh dear I really don't want it to be over, I don't. I feel like I'm caught in a horrible no-win situation.