At what point do you just accept you are single and thats the way its going to stay?

[Singlesupplement]

Ive been on my own for 5 years now, post divorce. This will be my sixth summer on my own.

Im fine, i have a full life, noone would ever guess i long for a relationship, but i do.

For Whatever reason, its just not happening for me.

This comes off the back of a terrible weekend where i was stood up on a 4th date.

I do online dating, i go out and about with friends. But in this whole time ive not had one relationship, not even a short term fling.

I do not understand what the issue is, i keep trying but not getting anywhere.

At what point do i just give up, accept that thats it for me?

Im 35.

OP, you would probably get further if you lowered your standards, but who would want to do that? By that I mean, have a relationship with someone you're not particularly attracted to or someone who is really not your type. But you have to hold out for what is right for you.

well, no. I wouldnt.
BUT, and heres the but, its not like im beating them off with a stick, even the really non attractive ones, the muppets, the ones with no jobs, living at home, no car... they STILL dont want me either.

Im not even joking.

I think you're far too young to give up hope - I met XP at your age and didn't have DS until I was 37.

Having said that, I've been single since i was 40 and I am 50 this year. I haven't had a relationship of any kind for 5 years. In my case I never meet any single men, and Internet dating is pointless when you're over 45.

I'd happily settle for the odd meaningless shag, and I do wonder if I'll ever be in a relationship again

Leslie and Sally for the avoidance of doubt I have taken my cue from some of the advice on this thread. The only club I would advise joining is the fucking club suggested by OP up thread.

Fwiw I have been doing OD for 'some time' now and am familiar with all that has been said, tried most of it, indeed I'm the Queen of 'giving x a chance'. Still single

This thread is making me a bit sad.

All us bright, fabulous women who are single, for years and years. And not through not trying, or being overly fussy or whatever...

And Pan, your analogy about applying for a job is spot on. I've been in that position of doing EVERYTHING I could to find work, and nothing. Hugely frustrating...and it's that same frustration with relationships. No-one says 'oh don't bother looking for a job it will come along when you least expect it'!!

I'm not convinced about the lowering standards thing either. It's another one of those things people say 'hold out you'll find the right one eventually' but like Single's experience, even the ones who I know are not right for me aren't interested.

I went on 4 or 5 dates last summer with men I knew (deep down) were utterly wrong for me, mainly because they indicated that they wanted a relationship with me. One was telling me to refer to him as my boyfriend before we'd even met . Between them they had more red flags than the Chinese army, despite which every one of them dumped me after the first date!

I met my DP totally by chance when so NOT looking.

I was mid 40's; a bit fat, quite grey and with very dependent children...

he is lovely

dont give up x

Oh right. Sorry, I thought you'd waded in without reading our posts, missing the fact that our self-esteems are healthy and that we aren't desperate types to give us the benefit of your humourless wisdom.

As for 'lowering standards' - well, in many ways my standards are higher than they ever were, I want somebody clever, generous, good humoured, decent, good company, conversationalist, capable of fitting in with my friends and family...... however I no longer think about tall dark and handsome. Anyway, I'm not just looking for somebody for the sake of it, I don't think anybody on this thread is, so what on earth would be the point of lowering standards???

Gyms are good places to find relationships, or a friend with benefits in the meantime. One can even become the other sometimes...

I may be seeing this thread differently because I have given up and I am fine about it - like Julie Burchill said, I am never lonely on my own, just with other people sometimes.

I appreciate that others don't feel like that and why should you if you are only in your 30s? I suppose what I don't understand is the rage and the snappy reponse to someone who suggests clubs, activities etc. that to me doesn't seem like a 'moan' but rather anger that you feel like you are being denied something you deserve.

And I am just trying to point out that so much of this is just luck and timing. Nothing to do with your worth as a person. If it is making you angry then I do think you need to take a step back.

leslie I think the clue was in describing online dating as 'general twattery' but it was pretty close to the edge satire

Sorry, i haven't read the thread yet.

i am single and think it will probably stay that way. I'm 28.

I have a complicated sexual history involving abuse, rapes and termination of pregnancy. Quite simply, I can't trust my own judgement when it comes to men. I have had about 30 sexual partners and regret very few of them. Last year I had the (mis?)fortune to have sex with someone I had loved for years. We were immensely sexual compatible and loved each other, but 20 years age gap and other circumstances led me to put a stop to it and I moved away.

I can function totally fine by myself. I love my own company and the freedom to live as I choose. I have worked hard on my career and love in a nice part of a nice city. I feel blessed to have had the sex/relationship experience I have... But it's not important to me now. I was pressured by friends to try online dating, which I have, but it's not for me. My hearts not in it. Why torture myself for being fat, not having nice clothes, not being confident, etc. every time i make a date?

I miss sex and if anything need to find someone to have sex with, in fact i have been looking into sex clubs in my new location, but I'm not looking for anyone to come into my life any more than that.

I feel so frustrated for you, Single. It's so hard when you've done everything you're supposed to do and it still doesn't happen.

I've got a friend who has been single for too many years to mention. She even took a 2 year "eat pray love" break which included volunteering in India, re-building in Sri Lanka, painting in Italy and wine growing in France. Nothing!

I have a gorgeous friend in London who is 45 and lovely and talented and any man would be lucky to have her. She says she's like plankton - men just don't see and they want someone in their 30's. It sucks!

The only friends I know who have found new partners in their 30's and 40's have been in the armed forces. Bit drastic though.

The only extreme example I can think of is to hire a billboard! You'll get national press and I can only imagine, the pick of the crop. Just brainstorming! Good luck

I didn't realise there were so many of us losers

Having become a tad disillusioned with it all I'm trying to come up with an alternative.

Until it happens, all we have are hopes, dreams and alcohol [off for a pint/scout around smiley]

Where the blimmin' 'eck are you 'THE ONE'?! WIBU to be all sulky with you if and when I find you for YOU not finding ME earlier?!

i dont even believe in ' the one'

I think its overly sentimilist crap, how i feel about it is demonstrated by tim minchins ' if i didnt have you'

except, noone is falling within a bell curve for me.

I have decided to try to find a fwb in the meantime. 450 messages in one afternoon. Men jumping though hoops, declaring how stunning i am. Bollocks to them.
;)

Single.... are you saying you've had 450 messages today from guys on Mumsnet?

How can they tell if you're stunning? I still haven't quite figured Mumsnet out but is your pic posted here?

Well - good for you! Have fun browsing

no, not on here. lol.

They dont mean it of course, they are just trying to get their leg over, im not stupid.

:)

Still, means i can chose what i want.

Not totally what im looking for, but will do for now.

Well, perhaps an enlightened man who reads Mumsnet might send you a private message one day.

Just saying.......

Single for 12 years and no relationship for 7. Now 47, been on HRT since 40. Just moving from Single mum to single woman with almost grown-up kids.
Not looking for a relationship but am looking to get a social life.

I had a guy on here message me once. !! I live in Dublin though. Ah well.. That was about three fucking years ago.

I'd email my picture to a mumsnetter man a lot quicker than I would put one up on a dating site. The fact that a man is comfortable here talking to women is a good sign.

No, don't believe in the one either, I think there's a number of people I could be happy with! I hope that doesn't sound too indiscriminate!

if they did, and were local, id be up for that :)

I do have my pic on dating sites. im not shy.

Well men on Mumsnet...... you can lead a horse to water.....

ps, I was watching dragons den the other day, (irish version) and there was a woman with some stupid app that you download, called Flirtricity {puke} and if you fancy somebody and they have the app too, then, I don't know what happens next, it's only ´?2 if you're interested, but I was thinking, what I should do is set up an old fashioned dating agency. With a filing cabinet! There is a shortage of those now. I know the Jewish still have a matchmaker, what do they call that!? My friend was telling me about it. HOw if you get to a certain age you can go to this character and say 'sort me out'. The old fashioned human approach.

That is true what Julie Burchill says. I am not usually lonely. True loneliness hits me rarely. I don't know why I would still like to have a somebody. Human nature I guess!