At what point do you just accept you are single and thats the way its going to stay?

[Singlesupplement]

Ive been on my own for 5 years now, post divorce. This will be my sixth summer on my own.

Im fine, i have a full life, noone would ever guess i long for a relationship, but i do.

For Whatever reason, its just not happening for me.

This comes off the back of a terrible weekend where i was stood up on a 4th date.

I do online dating, i go out and about with friends. But in this whole time ive not had one relationship, not even a short term fling.

I do not understand what the issue is, i keep trying but not getting anywhere.

At what point do i just give up, accept that thats it for me?

Im 35.

I'm sure if you joined a fucking club certain aspects of life would improve!

i wouldnt mind a fucking club.
:)

surfing, now theres a thing, do you think idilly hanging around surf shops might have the same effect?

Fnarr, you witsters you! Isn't Craig's List some kind of informal fucking club anyway?

Yup, idly hanging round surf shops is what surfers seem to do when there's no surf.

single yes, I miss it all. But if I can't leave the house then I'm stuck. I can't date if I could only commit to maybe an hour a month.

meglet, sorry, utterly, utterly shit.

puts my winge into perspective a little bit

singlesupplement, I have come to the conclusion I'm going to be single for the rest of my life - so I really do understand where you are coming from.
Ex-H left me with 2 DCs in 2003. I've had a year long relationship, some brief relationships, some flings & lots of dates. But I have been single to all extents and purposes since 2007.

I'm attractive, in good shape, friendly etc but I haven't met anyone. I've even joined bloody clubs, but that didn't take me anywhere, other than spending money! My social life is seriously hampered by the cost of babysitters, so I'm probably not getting out as much as I should. My friends do not know any single men.

I don't feel depressed about it, because like you I have a "good" life - I'm employed, I have a home and the DCs are ok - but I do feel resigned. I'm also heartily sick of people telling me that this year will be my lucky year, that you find someone when you least expect it - after 6 years of hearing it, it gets a bit wearing.

The cliche of "it'll happen when you least expect it" is trumped only by "it'll happen when you stop looking". Which is rubbish. You want a new job? You look for one. You want a new house? You look for one. You don't stop looking and, as if by magic, a new job and new house just happen to jump into your path.

All we can do is put ourselves out there by as many means as possible. It's clear on the main dating thread most of us ARE doing that. But that doesn't mean we can't have a bloody good moan about why some people do have all the luck while others don't, despite doing all the things "they" say we should.

A friend of mine went on a challenge to one internet date a week, and wrote about it in a blog called 52 First Dates. All in all, it was one loser after another, with a couple of grade A weirdos thrown in. It seems it's easy enough to rack up the internet dates, it's just finding the quality ones that's the trick. She's still single and has sworn the hell off them. She's one of about 12 of my single friends doing online dating who've had nothing but nightmares. I only know one person for whom online dating has yielded a proper partner. Only one. Call me a cynic, but those aren't good odds. I'm just pleased I met my hubby at uni...

I've stopped looking Voice - & it still hasn't happened!!!!! So that really is a crock of shit.

I really did put myself out there - I did internet dating, I even went speed dating - shudder. I wasn't short of offers, but I just couldn't find anyone I clicked with. I did FWB too, but whilst that is good for casual sex, it isn't fulfilling long-term. In the end I got too jaded & it just felt like a numbers game.

Mumpz - I met my husband at Uni too. Sadly no guarantee that they'll always be your husband.

of course its a crock of shit ;)
its just something people say when they are trying to be helpfull. Its good to blame ' something' because then its your fault.....

muppz, i think my dating numbers tops that, ive lost count a long time ago. Id say my findings match your friends.

PostBellumBugsy - I know, we're some of the few lucky ones. I'm 32 and I'm seeing the first round of divorces amongst my friends. Pretty sad. Obviously there is no guarantee, I just count my lucky stars it's worked out for me (so far).

Singlesupplement - I don't envy you one bit. She's totally thrown in the towel on online dating. I couldn't do it. The constant rejection / disappointment / frustration must be soul-destroying.

it is, hence the thread. lol
thats after being stood up for a 4th date. with a man i slept with last time i saw and now seems to have vanished in a puff of smoke.

I was married at 22..... i had no idea i would end up in this situation, just saying, can happen to any of us.

Be positive, join a club, get some interests.

Widen your search criteria, be more open minded.

Don't exclude people with bad pictures, don't be too picky, give people a chance.

Work on your self esteem to attract people, develop yourself as a well rounded person, know your worth.

But, don't dare say it, don't complain at the constant rejection, head fuckery and generally twattery that OD brings. No one likes a whiner and you won't get a bf that way!

Be realistic, don't expect too much you'll come across as superior. Adjust your expectations and keep going whatever, you just never know what's around the corner.

Look, your friend knows someone that met their perfect man through OD, why can't you? Just be positive, join a club...

I don't think anyone on this thread has been blaming people for failing - just trying to help by offering suggestions of what to try if you want to.

There is nothing wrong with being fed up and having a moan but I think there is quite a lot wrong about being so scornful of others suggestions.

If you don't like it, if its not working, don't do it. I just find it odd this sense of entitlement - I am doing everything I can, why don't I have a relationship?

spero - why is it odd?

a sense of entitlement?

Im a bit baffled?

juliette, that could be some sort of jazz poem, bongos, cigarette smoke...

Spero I never mentioned blaming, I just echoed back what many who are doing OD have heard. Some of it yes, on this thread.

Oh! I love it! you won't get a bf that way! should only ever be said whilst wagging finger and peering over top of your halfmoon glasses.

spero I'm just not seeing this thread the same way as you are. single's DONE all these things that everyone's suggested and she's just having a moan.

It's like... Having been in employment my entire life, in 2005 I couldn't get hired in my industry for love nor money. Then, 6 months later, still doing the same, identical things, I got a job I loved. I did everything everyone suggested - worked for free, cold-called, honed my CV endlessly etc etc. nothing for 6 months, then the right job came along. It was as much luck and being in the right place as anything else. And I was trying incredibly hard so I did feel like I deserved a job.

It's not entitlement, it's frustration.

Juliette, what a condescending post.

it is frustration, thank you panpiper. thats exactly what it is

I know im doing all i can, its not getting me anywhere. I cant DO anymore. But equally am fed up of being on my own, so have to keep on at it.

Its frustrating.

I know im not the only one, as this thread demonstrates... which helps but also makes me feel frustrated for the others in the same situation as me.

i think juliettes post was tongue in cheek and mocking. or at least, i hope so

pretty sure it was tongue in cheek too... juliette?

I dont see a sense of entitlement here.... as somebody else said, love, companionship &sex; all basic human needs apparently, although ive survived without them!

i think some people are taking this thread too serioysly. we're not seeing therapists over it, just letting off steam on a thread. and i agree, some people really need to believe that there is something we are not doing right, or some odd attitude we need to lose.

so true also about the house and the job. you get those by taking measures to bring about change. when i get my new job and house sorted i will internet date but i may be too positive, i belueve i can spot the players, chancers and wankers. ill know a nice guy if i see him.

And actually juliette, my self esteem is ok! i know im no different to any of the women i know in relationships. i believe it was poor judgement, age, circumstance,bad timing that put me here, single.
i know that it's not because im not worthy

Pan

juliette I can't tell if you are joking, being sarcastic or being serious?! Please don't tell me you mean it when you say 'join a club.'