He dated other women in our first 6 months :( male opinions needed particularly

[idontunderstandmen]

Hi everyone. So I am in a happy relationship, well fairly happy, I feel very in love and I feel he loves me, things are moving along nicely and we are considering moving in together. We have been together 1.5 years and we met on internet dating. However I have always had a bit of a suspicion that my boyfriend was seeing other women early on in our relationship, I checked his facebook last summer and saw messages which suggested that was the case. I confronted him and he said they were old exes, and friends of his ex and he hadnt been cheating on me. He apologised for flirting and deleted the person in particular he had been flirting with.

Just today I was on his laptop and thought I'd have a nose at his photos. I was surpised to see photos of lots of women from the internet, and internet conversations that he had photographed, arranging to meet up for drinks. When I looked at the dates I saw they were within the first 6 months of our relationship. I confronted him about this and he said that he hadnt felt sure of our relationship until we went on holiday together (at about 6 months in) and that he had been on some dates but not slept with any women. I feel very hurt because I was faithful to him after about a month of meeting him, I did go on a few dates after meeting him but was very honest to him about this. I feel he has lied to me when I confronted him first about this (he says he didnt tell me because "thats not what you tell people you go out with"). I understand that we werent in love at that time, we hadnt met each others families, but I still feel hurt and like he was disrespectful to me. He says that he hasnt seen any other women since that first holiday when he realised that he loved me and I do believe him. Am I a fool or is this normal male behaviour?

If it makes any difference, I am 29, had recently come out of a 6 year relationship when I first met him, he is 40 and had been single-ish for a few years (ie a couple of 6-1yr relationships but probably seeing loads of people at the same time). I was probably a bit naive of the real world, particularly the internet dating world :(

It might have been my fault for not keeping mine open

Really? For 6 months? Bit of a long time unless things were super casual.

At which point did you have the conversation about being exclusive and when did he first start calling you his girlfriend?

I'm sorry OP, no disrespect to you, but it comes across like he thought he would play the field for a while and settle on the one who'd have him, which was not necessarily his first choice but would make good, devoted wife material.

He got some one who was 11 years younger than him. If these women you saw were about the same age as you, it must have been quite the ego trip for him to data a few of them before maybe reluctantly picking one of them.

He apologised for flirting and deleted the person in particular he had been flirting with

OP can you confirm that this flirting was recent. If it was, then he might be a bit of a player. If he is, it's in his interest to be flirtatious. He might not actually act on it, but these communications let the women know he at least might be interested which might come in handy for him on a rainy day.

I confronted him about this and he said that he hadnt felt sure of our relationship until we went on holiday together (at about 6 months in) and that he had been on some dates but not slept with any women. I feel very hurt because I was faithful to him after about a month of meeting him, I did go on a few dates after meeting him but was very honest to him about this.

So you were both seeing other people after meeting each other, but he continued for longer than you, but no exclusive chat until 6 months in?

Not really sure what you have to be that upset about, 6 months is a fairly long period, I would have thought 3, so that maybe that’s a bit unreasonable, was it your choice to stop seeing other men & did you tell him ?