Husband has just left. Doesn't love me any more. I am destroyed.

[UterusUterusGhali]

He hasn't loved me for a while.
Haven't had sex for ages. He doesn't fancy me. Sees me more as a sister.

I want to curl up and die. Im just bereft. I don't know how I can carry on.

I know you do not want to hear this right now- but there is FUTURE after this. This is an initial shock and you are joining the club of many women. Once you are ready and on your feet, get your friends over, and share, you can't be at home all by yourself in this situation. You will get counselling and your life back on track. Believe me hug

Everyone has been so so lovely.

I would never have got through this without youse lot & my RL friends.

Even the bloke in the electricity company call centre was lovely. His dd had just divorced an abusive h and he gave me tons of practical & legal advice.
Barry from s&s, I salute you!

I've been keeping busy with practical stuff.
I've cancelled sky sports & replaced it with movies fir the dc & I. Dh pays the dd Mwah ha ha.

He still has no idea what he's done to me. When he comes over we get on really well. We were best of friends. I think he wants to make another go of it.
That's fine, but it'll be on my terms & I'll still get councelling for ME!

Good stuff, Uterus

Hey Plopsicles!

Fab lady, well done for the practical stuff but more importantly, well done for thinking of you, what you need, what you want.

Strong and forward looking. Just brilliant. Keep it up x

That's fine that he wants to 'make another go of it'?

Why does he get to call the shots? Has he been dumped again by the OW then?

I sincerely hope you've told him where to get off?

Been lurking, but had to post- UUG, he seems to have gone very fast from leaving and being so hurtful to wanting to make a go of it. I hope it's on your terms if you decide to go ahead.

And he stops with the " man of the house" stuff. Is that really what he thinks or is that direct from an older influence? One who clearly doesn't care much about you and your life. And all the guff about the stress affecting his team.

If he is a chef then he must be on double shifts a lot- so he is asking a lot for you to support that and be alone so much and work yourself, plus all the housework and care for dc . What support and love do you get? And you must be tired at night to wait up for him, so I doubt you get any time together anyway?

What's changed his mind, so fast, do you know?

You're right of course.

It would be so much easier to just have him back.

He says he won't come back until ^I^ change, which is just him blaming me, and unacceptable. He realises he needs to change, but as you say he works long, cheffy hours,(as do I ) and we never see each other.

We certainly won't rush into anything. I think it'll follow tge script.

I become more confident without him. Go back to the Pre-PND Uterus.
He wants me back because I'm as above.
I realise I'm too good for him.

Hey Uterus

I've not been on this thread for a few days but just happened to see part of your last post in my "posts I'm on Feed" and it set off alarm bells so I thought I'd pop over. I was there at the beginning of this post and he was a bit of a nasty bastard wasn't he?! Just please, think long and hard....and read this link (sorry if someone's already posted it)

outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/AbusiveCycle.html

hugs.

You want to just end all the pain and doubt and just get your life back don't you?
I remember the same feelings. Then one day during the time I was considering having him back, I was putting on make up before I went home from a long tiring shift. I realised then that I couldn't do it. Try to be enough to stop him leaving me again.
It was afrightenly easy decision to make.
Please consider what you have been through already and how he's unlikely to change.

Oh god you're right.

I think I'd just do anything to stop that hideous feeling.

What is it he wants you to change? Is (any of) it reasonable? What do you want him to change?

The way I treat him when I'm really down. I take it out on him. I've talked a lot with my sister about this and we both do it. We were bought up by an emotionally distant, v v angry single mum. We never saw any other way. If you love someone, it's ok to scream at them when you're upset. We are both going to seek councelling to try to stop us doing this.

He needs to engage with us. Spend time with me. He is so focused on work and when he gets home at 11:00-12:00pm he is too tired to engage.
He has no opinion on holidays or anything to do with our family life.

Sounds pretty futile, doesn't it? :-(

He won't have sex, either.

I have put on lots of weight since going on anti ds.

Good for you and your sister getting counselling to deal with your issues, just make sure you're doing it for yourself and not for him.

How are you feeling now?

I don't know how men think that pointing out the fact that your fat will be helpful! My Ex always went on about fat I was. I was a size 10!

Uterus. I am inclined to be depressed since dd2 was born. Poor sleeper and big lifestyle change for me (other dcs older)
I have put on two stone since I met him.
I am inclined to be difficult as I too had a strange upbringing.
Dh however does not leave me and his child and step child he also very much stil wants sex with me.
I am guessing that is because he loves me.
Please don't blame yourself for his behaviour.
I know you want to feel better but trust me having a remorseless unchanged husband back along with a list of demands from you and a history of at least fancying someone else, is not going to make you feel any better.
This is the part wher you either get revenge or at least make him beg for your forgiveness.

What do you think would make you happy, long-term?

You could be a Size 8 Stepford wife who made no demands of him and he would still be a prick who talked about being the 'man of the house' and who had affairs with any woman who'd have him.

His leaving had nothing to do with you.

He left because he was having an affair and has been dumped yet again by OW.

Please see this.

If you think you need counselling, it would be more helpful to have as its objective why you ever thought this man was all you were worth.

He is a prick.

I'm not sure I know any more, Ploppers.
:(

I want it to be like it was before we had dc3 and stopped sleeping.

We have a non sleeper and its definitely affected us but not to this extent.
He did what he did because he doesn't have enough love and respect for you, not because you are overweight or sleep deprived.

Ledkr your oh sounds lovely! :)

I thought I had a good 'un. I truly did.

I wake up every morning with that Michael McDonald song in my head. "I keep forgetting we're not in love anymore".

He is a good one yes but I had to go through what you are now to eventually be with him.
You are doing what I did and over romanticising things.
Take off your rise specs and think if how things have reallu been.
We had reached the stage where we couldn't even agree on what to eat!!

Sorry rose specs.