Husband has just left. Doesn't love me any more. I am destroyed.

[UterusUterusGhali]

He hasn't loved me for a while.
Haven't had sex for ages. He doesn't fancy me. Sees me more as a sister.

I want to curl up and die. Im just bereft. I don't know how I can carry on.

They feel less detached when they see you re building your life and moving forward.
They feel less detached when they miss out in something with the children.
They feel a lot less detached when you lose shed loads of weight get your hair done and look stunning.
They feel positively ATTACHED when you meet someone else.
It's all a game to him at the moment because he's making all the choices.
Make a few yourself and watch him squirm.

UUG Ledkr is right; this is so true, my ex is now finding his life is not quite as green as he thought it would be and is giving ME a hard time. He made his bed and now he has to lie in it! (be the first time in 20 years he made a bed!!) The guilt will come...at some point.

You will find strength and reserves you didn't know you had.
Look after yourself, try to eat and that will help you sleep ( i found once I started eating again I didn't feel as weak and shaky, probably in part due to low blood sugar!!).
Don't let this 'man' and I use the term loosely, destroy you, I know it is hard and you will have days when you just want to hide in the wardrobe, but it DOES get easier and you will emerge a stronger better person.

Dolly mine went on a 'business trip for 8 weeks to 'find himself' too, also found his new girlfriend, she is welcome to the fickle loser. Apparently we had a 'difficult marriage' and 'been drifting apart for a long time' prior to leaving, shame he never mentioned it to anyone else.

"The thought that he was right to end it is almost too much to bare."

I know exactly what you mean by this. It's the feeling that you had been wrong all along about everything you ever knew. And that if you admit that it could be a good thing that the marriage is over, then somehow he is justified in the shitty way he has treated you.

I struggled with this for a long long time. I eventually realised that it meant this:

It was "right" that the relationship ended, though you will not see this now in the midst of grief. But in the bigger picture of your whole life, it's right. He is not right for you and could never make you happy.

What he did wasn't right, and you don't need to try and believe it was. I was fed so much rubbish by my xh about how he had done nothing wrong and was "following his truth" when he cheated and left me. What your H has done was vile and cowardly and no one should ever treat another person in that way. But if you can hold on to a little bit of faith that sometimes there is a better plan out there for you in life than you can imagine, you will eventually find a part of you that thinks "yes, that actually really was for he best".

I never though I would ever believe that in the beginning. I never thought I'd ever smile again.

Yet I am happier now than I have ever been in my life.

Keep strong xx

Hello all.

Animation you are so right about the trying to win him back thing. His mother texted me as much. How if I didn't "eat everything in sight" and kept tge house tidy he MIGHT come back.

I went to the dr and sobbed at him. He was very kind. I gave some sleeping pills. When he went to take my pulse on my wrist I thought he was holding my hand so I clasped it and bawled like a baby. . Wazzock.

You are all so wise.

Meemar, the stages you talked of in your manuscript, they wax & wane like mad, don't they. I've felt all of them many times over today. It's galvanising knowing what they are & to expect them.
Thank you xx

I'm so sorry , what a awful way to treat someone but I'm more in shock at the comments from your mil ! Is that normal behaviour for her ? How dare she say that to you .

My guess would be that in this instance the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree, dinosaur

Glad to hear you sounding a little better today UUG

Cheeky fucking mil!
Yes if course if we are a bit overweight after several pregnancies we don't deserve our husbands
Please don't look at yourself and think its you.
Loads of gorgeous and thin women get dumped.
I can't believe I've even written that but it's true.
I can hear that anger brewing. Good girl.

Oh she's worth a Fred by herself.

On Saturday I asked her to come over & sit with the kids as a was hysterical. I was seriously like a wild animal. I said to her "he left me with a text" and the FIRST THING she said was how it was because tge house was a mess, and I was making it worse.
He makes good money & I should make a nice home for him. (I work 13hr shifts)
He can't talk to me as I'm too intelligent. :-/

I did point out tgat her spotless house didn't stop her dh having an affair.

My h is a spoilt man baby because of her.
He wants a mother not a wife.

Hi there. I have only just come across this thread and can see that you have had some fantastic advice already ,

I know exactly what you are going through and have been through it myself. Xh walked out suddenly last Feb, came back for 6 weeks, left again at Easter. I discovered he was having at the very least, an Emotional Affair with his best mates wife.

I wrote XH a wonderful letter, telling him how lovely he was and how much I loved him, because I thought he was having some sort of breakdown. He led me on for a few weeks, then wrote a nasty letter back - "the house was a disgrace" was one comment...... well he lived here too..... Ignore your MIL. I rang mine and said that I was devastated and how could he just walk out and she said "these things happen" like it was totally normal. No support for me at all. If they are not going to support you, then dont include them in this situation, other than to look after the children.

Even after getting the letter, I begged XH to come back. Threw my dignity out of the window because I loved him and wanted DD 4yo to grow up with her dad around. I have been to hell and back emotionally. Im still not out of it yet totally, but understand that is normal from what I read on here.

I lost 3 stone in as many months as I was physically unable to eat. I went onto antidepressants, rather than let me DD see me crying all the time. I couldnt stop shaking.

BUT - it is the old cliche. It really is only time that can make a difference to the way that you feel. In the meantime it is a rollercoaster of emotions that you just have to ride and deal with.

I got fantastic support on here. I went against what everybody said because I wanted to do everything I could to "save my marriage" but XH had already checked out emotionally and it was all pointless.

You do need to get legal advice, go to the council etc, rent, council tax, explain what has happened. Try and get them to help you to sort it all out and to get everything into your own name. You need to freeze all bank accounts, so that any unused overdrafts cant be spent by him. Go and see CAB for advice, see a solicitor.

If you have a Sure Start Childrens Centre near you, then approach them for help. They usually have somebody clued up on benefits and they also offer free counselling. You must have a child under 5 to be able to use their services.

I divorced my XH last year. He left in April, we could have divorced in August, but I left it til the house and everything was agreed. I divorced him because he said he no longer loved me, because he had cheated on me and because I was afraid he would get into debt. He has since amassed thousands of pounds of debt, in less than 12 months.

I don't want to upset you, but it does all shout OW, so please build yourself up, stay strong and be prepared for anything to be exposed.

She's leaping to his defence because deep down, underneath the bluster, she knows she's raised a spineless, inadequate, failure of a man who is useless as father and husband.

I'm being polite here.

UUG

Your post about the doctor did make me smile. I cried everywhere; at the doctors, at the benefits office, I think I even cried at the school office when I had to tell them the boys were on free school dinners.

You are welcome for the information. I am just happy that it's helping someone already.

x

I didn't cry but was openly fuming. Said to the dr "l need a vd test he's been shagging someone" was so angry I used to ring him about three times a day to wish terrible deaths on him.
My mil took him in and immediately bought him a tv and DVD player for his room and did all his cooking and washing.
I was left struggling with four kids one only 8 months.
Ow wasn't really an ow she was 16 at the time I worked on child protection!
When I voiced my disgust to mil she told me that young girls look so much older theses days. WTAF?

I did cry at music group as I was the only one there without a wedding ring
All seems a lifetime ago now though.

UUG, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. My husband is moving out in a week, after months of threatening to, and actually moving out, then back. It is hideous and I've had since middle of January to start getting my head around it all. I have had very similar comments about the house not being tidy enough. I wonder if there is a book of excuses that these men read?

I'm often awake in the early hours too, brain starts whizzing, thoughts spiral into what did I do wrong. I'll keep an eye out for you at those times especially.

I've just started telling people in RL. Horrid, especially as we only announced that we are having a baby back in January BUT everyone has been supportive. Everyone.

Sending you hugs, and sad to say I understand your pain, I'm there a lot of the time too. If it wasn't for the wonderful support on MN I know I would be in a far worse place, so I hope you keep posting and get similar support.

Hi Uterus ((illegal hug))

You are all amazing, strong women, i am in awe of you all - UUG, you are doing so well - you humble me

I cried all over the doctor. I cried at preschool. I cried at toddlers every time someone said "how are you". I cried in the supermarket. I cried in front of clients.

Crying is normal and my counsellor said that its a release valve. But it's not nice when it's the only thing that you are capable of. My XH just announced one evening that he wasnt happy, didnt feel the same any more and that he didnt want to be here anymore. Just like that. Then came out with shed loads of excuses as to why he had to go.

I understand your shock and grief because that is exactly what you are going through.

Oh yeah, and my XH told his mate that if I tidied the house and kept it that way, then he might come back . He didnt tell that mate that he was having obsessive contact with his wife though!

You say about bearing to admit that it might be for the best. This is something that comes out in counselling. My counsellor is showing me that me and XH were in the end very different people and that his inability to make a decision or to arrange anything, or remember anything, these things were actually slowly driving me mad! However, I loved him despite his faults.

Please look after yourself and do not let yourself be treated badly by him. Please dont take any crap from him.

Thank you all.

Hi Plops.

I am feeling a bit better tonight. Have been laughing at him with a friend. He sent a text where he claimed I wasn't treating him as befits the "man of the house". He actually used that phrase. He went through the laundry basket and took out his scuddy pants so his mummy could wash them.

I'd probably still have him back in a heartbeat.

I should mention he did admit to a crush on someone at work. I did sneakily Facebook her pretending to be him saying I needed to go to the GUM clinic. I'm pretty sure it was one sided and didn't go very far.
Typically, she "listened to him". Ffs.

When was that? Recently?

He admitted on mothers day. Cried & cried and said he realised how much he loved me & wanted it to work.

A few days later he changed his mind.

The EA was December. It was one sided. She's engaged.

I just knew at the time.

I have bumped the following thread so it is on page one, but here is the link too.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1527705-Midlife-crisis-this-is-the-script

He is obsessed with OW and sadly that is why your marriage has ended, same as mine and same as countless others on here.

Thank you sbs.

Ledkr 16?!

Flippin

Sapphire omg that's EXACTLY it!
He's only 28 though.

UUG, I just want to give you a huge hug and I would if I could. Take care and it will get better, I promise, no matter how trite that sounds x