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Original poster

Great first date, what are the chances im going to see him again?

139 replies

Choirace · 14/03/2013 07:36

I may be being cynical, but heres what happened:

We met monday, until then we had lots of contact, firstly texting which then led on to lenghly phone calls. Monday was great, we had breakfast and sat and chatted for hours, came back to mine as the weather was too terrible to be out for long, did a lot of kissing and snuggling. It was really nice. He mentioned then about saturday. In the phone call the day before he had said if monday went well if i would like to go see him saturday and he would take me out for the day. I said yes, it would be lovely.

Just as he was leaving, he asked about saturday again, and i said yes, definatley.

we swapped a few texts that evening, at my instigation.

Tuesday i had heard nothing from him by 8:30pm. Im not needy, but unfortunatley in my dating experience, when contact, which has previously been frequent, drops right off, its not normally a good sign. rather than be kept waiting, i text, he does respond and we end up having a quick phone call. he tells me he is feeling ill. ( which i now take as setting up to cancel the weekend) but that he should be ok for saturday. And that he will text me yesterday. Which he didnt.

I am not going to text/ call again now. As i feel its up to him. It may sound paranoid but i feel that its all off and saturday will fall through.

I would like to know asap, as otherwise i shall make other plans so im not sat in by myself. But i dont think there is a lot i can do at this point.

So - as an outsider looking in, am i just being paranoid, or is my card marked?

OP posts:
NinaHeart · 14/03/2013 16:47

BAH! So sorry he turned out to be another numpty.
Better luck next time. (And get back on that horse or whatever the saying is!)

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 14/03/2013 16:55

Bah! Sorry op :( shit isn't it?! Been there, done that. Don't give up, I didn't and finally met my partner, just takes a while sometimes x

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 18:04

i know, ive been at it for quite a while ( understatement of the year ).

i did text him again. just said that i was presuming since i hadnt heard from.him that he had died and his cat was feasting off him :)

gets my point across and makes me feel better.

back to the drawing board.

OP posts:
Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 18:05

i know, ive been at it for quite a while ( understatement of the year ).

i did text him again. just said that i was presuming since i hadnt heard from.him that he had died and his cat was feasting off him :)

gets my point across and makes me feel better.

back to the drawing board.

OP posts:
Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 18:35

i will just never, for the life of me, understand the mentality with dealing with it like this. why didnt he just leave it, he didnt have to ask me again, several times. he could have just not said.
its mean

OP posts:
SorryMyLollipop · 14/03/2013 18:40

It is mean, and hurtful. Maybe he is just after an ego boost, racking up numbers of people who agree to a second date with him, it probably makes him feel very desirable.

Bloody frustrating, especially when you are upfront, open and honest.

He sounds like a snake to me.

SorryMyLollipop · 14/03/2013 18:43

I was going to point out that some men (like my bf) are rubbish at texting and hardly text at all, it could be an age thing, but then I realised that he was texting before and it has now ceased. Hmm

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 18:47

he is a snake

oh. hes just replied saying hes been really ill....... and now on anti biotics

OP posts:
lemonmuffin · 14/03/2013 18:53

choirace, you need to leave it.

He's not that into you and he's trying to let you down gently.

Geordieminx · 14/03/2013 18:53

Delete and move on.

At least he showed his true colours early on rather than 6 months or 6 years down the line

Maryz · 14/03/2013 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 14/03/2013 18:56

What an arse

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 18:59

im more grumpy.
i bloody knew the ' feel ill' thing was a ruse. but why didnt he, when i said if he needed to cancel, cancel then. arsehole.

im just going to leave it now.

but fucks sake, fucks me off. a lot

OP posts:
SueFawley · 14/03/2013 19:02

Just allow yourself a bit longer to rant, like another hour maximum, then stop giving this idiot any more of your mental energy.
It's annoying as fuck, I know, but it happens so often. Really sorry he's another one that does this.

prettywhiteguitar · 14/03/2013 19:05

God what a knob jockey, please he has to take antibiotics. So over him already (for you op)

GuffSmuggler · 14/03/2013 19:15

I've had this in my distance dating past. Great dates and then nothing and then several excuses of 'I'm ill' and cancelling at the last minute. I really don't understand it, like you I was quite happy for them to say they weren't up for meeting again, it's just the messing about that drove me crazy.

I had it out with one guy and said 'what are you playing at?' and he said "I like you and I enjoy going out with you, but I'm quite busy so can we agree to seeing it other once a month?". I was like "er no get lost, think I deserve better than that!!"

See I genuinely think he did have a good time on our dates, just didn't like me ENOUGH to get his arse into gear and date me properly.

Anyway, if it's suddenly turned into such hard work after one date leave it. If he really is very ill and likes you he'll move hell and high water to get back into your good books once he's better.

akaemmafrost · 14/03/2013 19:17

It's hard to deal with this kind of thing because it makes no sense. It's emotionally very bruising. Delete him now. Personally I cannot do the hurly burly of on line dating. It's pure concentrated stress and the normal rules don't seem to apply. Maybe take a break OP?

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 19:22

it really does make no sense, and thats the part thats nuts, because you cant understand it.
hell knows what happened between tuesday evening when all was fine, to now, seeing as we havent had any contact, but there you go.
of course, i expect he wasnt actually planning a second date at all, and it was set from the get go.

OP posts:
SueFawley · 14/03/2013 19:23

Yes Guff it's amazing how many of them get 'ill' soon after a first or second date, it becomes as transparent as "I'm really busy with work". I think you summed it up, they can like us quite a bit and enjoy our company but if they liked us more they'd find a way to not be ill or too busy.

SueFawley · 14/03/2013 19:24

OP, I suspect he knew he wasn't going to see you again pretty soon after your first date. If you look back at your post, you instigated the contact on that day, then again on the Tuesday. He's just too much of a coward to tell you.

Maryz · 14/03/2013 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 19:36

hes not on my facebook....

sue - i do agree.......

OP posts:
sarahseashell · 14/03/2013 19:42

OP I'd say hang back a lot more in future and give someone the space and time to text you or not, so that you can see how they behave, what sort of timescale they do things on etc. Often men who rush in too much can be the ones to avoid IMHO. You really need to take time to get to know someone and see if he's good enough for you

I think you need to let them come to you a bit in future as men hate being chased as a rule. Maybe adopt more of a 'wait and see' approach?

Please delete his number before you're tempted to text again Smile

Maryz · 14/03/2013 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GuffSmuggler · 14/03/2013 19:47

Couldn't agree more Maryz