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Original poster

Great first date, what are the chances im going to see him again?

139 replies

Choirace · 14/03/2013 07:36

I may be being cynical, but heres what happened:

We met monday, until then we had lots of contact, firstly texting which then led on to lenghly phone calls. Monday was great, we had breakfast and sat and chatted for hours, came back to mine as the weather was too terrible to be out for long, did a lot of kissing and snuggling. It was really nice. He mentioned then about saturday. In the phone call the day before he had said if monday went well if i would like to go see him saturday and he would take me out for the day. I said yes, it would be lovely.

Just as he was leaving, he asked about saturday again, and i said yes, definatley.

we swapped a few texts that evening, at my instigation.

Tuesday i had heard nothing from him by 8:30pm. Im not needy, but unfortunatley in my dating experience, when contact, which has previously been frequent, drops right off, its not normally a good sign. rather than be kept waiting, i text, he does respond and we end up having a quick phone call. he tells me he is feeling ill. ( which i now take as setting up to cancel the weekend) but that he should be ok for saturday. And that he will text me yesterday. Which he didnt.

I am not going to text/ call again now. As i feel its up to him. It may sound paranoid but i feel that its all off and saturday will fall through.

I would like to know asap, as otherwise i shall make other plans so im not sat in by myself. But i dont think there is a lot i can do at this point.

So - as an outsider looking in, am i just being paranoid, or is my card marked?

OP posts:
Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 10:16

:(

OP posts:
themonsteratemyspacebar · 14/03/2013 10:18

Now normally i would agree with the others and say that he may not be interested. But since meeting my partner he has changed the way i think, so possibly your guy may be doing the same.
He used to drive me mad not getting back to me, but arranging dates before the one we were on ended etc etc. But then on the day of the date pipe up 'so you still coming round at 7?'
He never thought anything of it but still stuck to the plans that we had made, even though it could be a week later with no communication inbetween, or very little and no mention of said planned date.
It was infuriating!
His excuse was that he already had madethe plans with me and i agreed so why would he have to ask?!

Put him right by saying that im not going to wait around for him and will make other plans if he doesnt confirm them nearer the time!

This may not help but maybe thats just the way some men think.......

LessMissAbs · 14/03/2013 10:41

Did you meet him through online dating? Excuse my ignorance, but is this behaviour not par for the course with online dating? My guess would be that he likes you, is scared slightly by that, and wants to explore the many other single women he now has access to via online dating, rather than be tied down.

Men do it outside online dating as well, but it does seem to be more common. The dating different women becomes the goal in itself.

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 11:05

yes it was online dating.

yes it is par of the course, though usually they dont go to so much trouble and just vanish totally, after a first date.

Scared, my arse :) If hes vanished, its just because hes a knob with no manners.

I keep trying to look at the facts,

  • he brought sat up twice, face to face. That was the last thing he said as we said goodbye.
  • we both said how well the date had gone
  • when i spoke to him tuesday, he said he was sure he would be well by the weekend.
  • tuesday we both said we saturday would be nice.

BUT

  • his contact has massivley dropped off
  • he didnt text me when he said he would.
  • no time. meeting place has been organised.
  • He hasnt as yet responded to a text i sent two hours ago.
OP posts:
NinaHeart · 14/03/2013 11:15

In my experience of online dating (admittedly a long while ago) the thrill of the chase definitely seemed to be the thing. Once he's actually had a date with you, however successful, the chase, ie frequent texts, dropped off.

This is not to say he isn't interested, he's just changed his tactics, even unwittingly.

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 11:45

Just a bit rubbish though, isnt it. You have no idea if they are interested or not really.

tbh, im still none the wiser.... hes not responded to my text yet. But then i dont know if he has phone access or not when hes working.

OP posts:
daddyorchipsdaddyorchips · 14/03/2013 11:51

Bin him off. I can't be arsed with people who blow hot and cold.

Delete his number.

lubeybooby · 14/03/2013 12:04

It is really shit. Lost count of how many times this happened in the past... hence my low tolerance for it and insisting on making other plans. then if they pop back up again they can damn well wait til I'm available (as long as they are apologetic)

Mumsyblouse · 14/03/2013 12:45

To me, a first date is a 'look see' if you like the person. He might have had a nice time with you, but not really want to repeat it and I think that's perfectly fine. It's all very well saying 'well, he should have just said I don't want to see you again'- really? whilst cuddling and hanging out? I have been in this exact situation, where you are getting on fine with the guy, it's all nice and everything, but they are clearly planning the future but you are not, and it's very embarassing to try to then say this on the date itself.

i wouldn't meet for 5 hours, kiss and cuddle on a first date, nor would I plan a second date before a first/bring it up on the date. Everyone needs time to think things through and to bow out gracefully if they so wish. I also think several texts a day smacks of desperation, but I know this makes me sound old, and it is normal for lots of people.

I would not text now, and I wouldn't book anything else, just plan a nice night in. He may think as he's arranged it and a bit busy mid-week, his behaviour is normal and text you later to arrange things properly. If he doesn't, so be it, move on.

But I would change my first-date technique!

Mumsyblouse · 14/03/2013 12:46

And get a copy of 'he's just not that into you' which although is written in the worst style of any dating book I have ever read, has a reasonably sound message, if someone if not calling you it tends to be because they are not that into you. But in this case, he's been in quite a bit of contact and I would see what happens before writing him off, but then I am not an avid texter and would find this need for constant interaction with someone I am getting to know very annoying.

green57313 · 14/03/2013 12:56

You chatted for hours (probably a bit too long for the first date), texted him first the same day?and then the next day again?
Seriously, give this guy a chance to chase you :-)

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 13:02

To be fair, i normally only do coffee for a first date. However, he lives an hour away, he suggest the time of meeting and since we had been getting on so well, i just went with it.
I dont usually do phone calls at all, prior to the date, but he said he wanted to call me, so, i said yeah, ok. and he did.

We text the same day as the date as he let me know he had got home ok, there were snow blizzards and things here monday, and with the distance i said for him to let me know he got home ok.

Again, he was the one that brought saturday up, twice, while on the date, not me. Id always leave it, to give the other person a chance to back out. He mentioned it, which is why im feeling so unsure about it.

OP posts:
claudedebussy · 14/03/2013 13:19

i'd make other plans now. it's been 3 hours.

if he gets back to you you can reschedule but it's not on.

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 13:34

i dont have access to my phone at work...... im not sure if he does......

i dont think i can write it off till the end of the day when i know hes got phone access.

OP posts:
claudedebussy · 14/03/2013 13:40

yes true. i knew iwbu just after i posted. they should give you a delete post option. would save a lot of Blush

BadLad · 14/03/2013 13:51

"I think it would be reasonable to send that text tomorrow morning, but not before."

This is after the event, but it wouldn't have made a difference. We're talking about one text here, right? He's not going to alter his opinion of you because you were a few hours early sending ONE text. Or, if he is, he's too ridiculous to bother with.

JackieOHHH · 14/03/2013 14:05

May I be so bold as to suggest perhaps you're over thinking this?
I'd give home til the end of today to reply, finish work, get home, get changed. Have tea etc etc.

I agree with themonsteratemyspacebar he's probably just got it in mind that he's seeing you sat and plans to make final arrangements soon.

I could be very wrong, but I'd at least give him today to reply.

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 14:10

you may be so bold :)

im hoping thats the case....

And yes, i sent one text. And your right, if thats a dumping offence, then it does show hes ridiclous.

OP posts:
NinaHeart · 14/03/2013 14:16

At risk of trivialising the whole thing it's beginning to sound a bit playground to me..."he stole my pencil case so does that mean he loves me"!

Chill out a bit and just see what happens!!

BitOutOfPractice · 14/03/2013 14:30

This vanishing trick is one of the most frustrating parts of online dating. It drives you mad!

Of course there may be a logical / reasonable explanation as to why he hasn't texted such as all of his fingers have been nibbled off by squirrels but ime it's just usually cold feet / he's changed his mind

All of those saying "don't over think it" clearly haven't done the online dating thing recently. It turns your brains to mush. Mush I tall ya!!

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 16:17

It does.

so, hes logged in online... but hasnt responded to my text.

Clear as anything, and my instincts were right.

Another one bites the dust.

:(

OP posts:
glitch · 14/03/2013 16:25

What an arse he is.
Hope you still have time to arrange different for the weekend.

lemonstartree · 14/03/2013 16:27

delete his number before you are tempted to send a 'you bastard' text....

Original poster
Choirace · 14/03/2013 16:42

i have no intention of sending any more texts, unfortunatley,its just par of the course. just a shame as i thought he was different.
and that maybe there was something there.

OP posts:
prettywhiteguitar · 14/03/2013 16:44

My brother has been Internet dating for a while and you wouldn't believe the amount of times this happens, or endless texting and reluctance to meet up

There are a lot of attention seekers out there