would u date someone with a history of severe depression...

[MamaFab]

And if u would/have/are do u have any tips on how to handle it? How to ensure my child is protected? And and warning signs to look out for??

Thanks x

Erm...yes. Why on earth not? Anyone could become depressed.

What do you mean 'ensure your child is protected'? Surely the best thing to do with any relationship is not involve children for some considerable amount of time anyway (ie, don't introduce them to your partner for a few months). Other than that, I don't understand what you mean about that.

I'm not sure. I had a friend and flatmate with depression. I struggled to be their sole support system and worried about them constantly (they were spending all day in bed, up at night, not eating or going out etc).

Nope never again unless it was a very long time ago and they'd dealt with it properly

No I wouldn't. I've read enough threads on here about how severe mental health problems affect a person's life. It's not for me.

If I didn't have dcs I might but with dcs then no I wouldn't.

No.
If that seems judgemental then I'm sorry. If it's just dating, and no feelings of depth are involved, then I wouldn't pick a severe depressive. I'd pick someone else who isn't likely to need that sort of support.

One bout of depression, dealt with and some time ago, maybe. A history of ongoing issues with are not fully treated, no.

When you say severe what exactly do you mean? I have suffered from depression severe enough to me to make me feel suicidal and to need to be on anti depressants for a number of years. However I was never hospitalised for it and wasn't sectioned. So I suppose I wouldn't see my depression as having been that severe.

At my depths there would have been no way I would have been capable of forming a new relationship with someone - it would have been completely out of my mindset. I was only capable of my own survival and that of my children. I don't think they were ever at any danger in any way. But I wouldn't have had the energy to deal with anyone else. Possibly including my H of the time :(

However now after slowing coming off the ADs and having had CBT I am in a good place. Have started a new relationship in the last year and I don't feel there is any need for my bf to consider my depression history. He has said as much and that he doesn't recognise the me I have spoken about.

So if you are embarking on a relationship with someone in the depths of depression I would suggest it probably isn't sustainable. If their depression is treated it is more likely. I don't really see that children would be at risk but agree its bit likely you'd integrate everyone at first anyway.

Reading some if these replies is making me realise why talking about mental health problems is never going to be an easy thing. And why I have told very few people about mine ever.

It is a serious illness and has a severe impact on people close to the depressed person.

I have a friend whose wife has serious sporadic depression and during those episodes his life falls apart. It nearly ended their marriage last time it happened. He is a decent bloke but the burden of dealing with it is overwhelming.

No. I saw a friend almost end up in a psychiatric hospital herself trying to deal with him, her children, working FT, the house etc. She could cope with the rest, but he was the hardest part.

HAving seen that, no I wouldnt.

It depends on the depression. I suffer from it but not really severely, and I would appreciate people not being put off dating me! In my case it comes and goes and is mitigated by having people around me who support me.

If the person has been honest with you that seems like a good start.

And regarding protecting the children, unless they have a history of harming themselves or others I don't quite see what the issue is. Presumably you won't be making this person a big part of your life overnight.

No. I wouldn't. Have too much to deal with on my own, could not support severely depressed partner. Especially not if I had children. (unless it was their dad and he became depressed)

Miranda. Quite.

If severe then no. But this is from my experiences of being a child whose mother had depression and was severely ill for several years with it.

But Miranda surely you would prefer someone who could be there for you if you needed them than someone who hadnt known about your MH and bailed as soon as you got ill?

By being honest (both ways) surely you are more likely to end up with a good partner who understands and accepts your MH history, rather than someone who has no idea and then finds they cant deal with it.

I had Depression 13 years ago and have had no further episodes. My DH had Depression last year. The worst bit was when it was undiagnosed. He is over the worst now and is, and always has been, a wonderful man.

Depression could happen to YOU tomorrow, so don't discount the wonderful people it has already happened to. In fact, they are more likely to be able to see it coming a second time rather than a "newbie"!

I would feel so hurt and discarded if someone turned me down because of previous MH issues. I'm not a leper.

No I wouldn't. I am not the right person. I could never work.

I am getting irrationally irked by this thread which is obviously a bit silly. But I bet must people if they met me would have no idea I have had several bouts of depression. Isn't the statistic something like 20 or even 25% of people will have a mental health problem at some stage in their lives? You probably meet people with depression every day. I realise you're not having a relationship with them but generally people being treated for depression are not that dissimilar to most other people.

Am starting to wonder whether people dating should have to confess all at the outset...

Thing is, it's very easy to say why on earth not if you've never actually lived with someone with depression. The harsh reality is it very much depends on the way the depression shows itself. Many depressives are a threat only to themselves but even then it takes a strong person to not be brought down by endless negativity and self obsession which tends to come with the illness. Sadly some depressives are a threat ( even if only emotional) to those around them.

Am married to someone with depression and I'm afraid to say if I had my time again I wouldn't go there. Sorry.

I do wonder what my XH would say actually....

My current boyfriend knows all my depression history. I am pretty sure he would be there for me whatever. It just wasnt the first thing I told him about me ,

It's someone's attitude rather than their illness/es that interests me. The type that has occasional bouts of diagnosed clinical depression but has coping mechanisms, knows when they need help and seeks treatment straight away... possibly. The type that doesn't know the signs, doesn't seek diagnosis/treatment and is either happy to make others' lives horrible or use 'I'm depressed' as an excuse to be bad-tempered or anti-social... no.

Never again. I'm not strong enough any more.

I probably sound judgemental but I don't mean to be. I just don't tink I could handle it personally, emotionally.
My sister has a history of depression and it is so, so very hard. Obviously it's harder for her but it's also difficult for everyone that loves her.
It takes a stronger person than me to cope with it in a relationship and I salute anyone who is that person.