would u date someone with a history of severe depression...

[MamaFab]

And if u would/have/are do u have any tips on how to handle it? How to ensure my child is protected? And and warning signs to look out for??

Thanks x

tink? Think... obviously

No, but then I have had a hellish time with/from my exH who suffered from severe depression. My thread 'reported exH to social services, now what' has recently been resurrected as we went on the run from him, and after 4 years he has tracked us down and I'm scared for my life. BUT...he has many problems with MH, not just depression, but personality disorders too. And he never took help, wouldn't have counselling, or medication. I fully understand the 'there but for the grace of God go I', I for one could easily have succumbed to depression...I thank my lucky stars I never did, but I am on ADs for anxiety because of all of this.

For me personally, no...I could never have the strength to deal with it all again. But would be devastated if one of my DC for instance was shunned because they suffered from it if that makes sense?

Miranda I think it's higher than that.

To the OP, it's a huge question really and I think every individual is different and there are so many different types of depression. I think a lot would depend on if the person has actually got better or tried to get better.
I once went out with someone who had quite severe bipolar (self-harming and had attempted suicide a few times) and didn't want treatment and didn't think anything would help. Maybe he was right, but I do wish he had tried :(.

The sort of person who has depression but is aware, has coping mechanisms and is working honestly and self-reflectively to deal with their issues and to manage the illness when it strikes? Sure.

The type who uses 'depression' as an excuse to be an asshole or to not work on it and uses it as a basic 'get out clause' in life? No bloody way.

No I wouldn't, as I have a history of mental illness, and being in a relationship with someone who also does kills me. I've done it before and it was awful. We made each other worse

I don't think I would, my ex had it and I have PTSD and depression and I wouldn't date me - my ex marriage was hard work and dating me now would be hard work!

I cannot have a normal relationship, if I argued with someone, what if that turned into an angry outburst ? I do date, but it's usually one or 2 dates maximum then I run/walk, for my date(s) own good!

I cannot have a normal relationship, if I argued with someone, what if that turned into an angry outburst ? I do date, but it's usually one or 2 dates maximum then I run/walk, for my date(s) own good!

but I thought it was normal to feel angry during an argument! Don't be too hard on yourself.

I do also agree with posters that say a depressed person must seek help and do what they can to help themselves. My DH did. He went to a GP, got a diagnosis, got ADs, got signed off. All these things helped him heal and he is back to his old self.

If a Depressed person won't seek help and try and get well, then yes, I wouldn't hang around either. If a person with Depression cannot or will not get help when help is offered and support is on hand, then that makes it nigh on impossible for their support network to be supportive.

No I wouldn't - I was married to someone who suffered from severe depression for 24 yrs. I survived by detaching, which in the end was destructive of the relationship. While I didn't choose to end the marriage I wouldn't go there again.

No. I naiively thought I could support DH as he came off long term anitdepressants. He tried reducing the dose several times. I found I could tell by his behaviour when he was reducing the dose. He becomes unpleasant, short tempered, irritable with me and DCs. Also overanxious, unable to cope with work (resulting in reduction in hours more than once and loss of income -it was all I could do to persuade him to keep working). And I can never ever consider leaving him because he is my DC's father and I could never live with myself if he committed suicide. (Backstory: DH was on antidepressants for some time before I met him and we had DCs.) If asked for advice about embarking on relationship with depressed person I can only say 'Don't do it'. It is possible to make it work, but at great cost to oneself and DCs.

It depends what you mean by "severe" depression.
In many ways I'd be less concerned by a short bout of severe depression in response to a severe life event that resolved rapidly with medication and CBT when the bloke has gone for CBT and obviously moved on and is now cheerful and upbeat, than a milder more chronic depression where personality factors and a pessimistic outlook are involved. I wouldn't want to live with a chronic misery and some people are just miserable and it's them not an illness.

Thanks for all the replies guys - definitely a lot to think about there. Apologies for the lack of detail, trying to keep it relatively anon!

Thanks again x

Totally depends On the person, their insight or lack of, other issues etc.

protect your child? Read the research on growing up with a depressed parent. Mitigate it with time away around happy positive people.

Get lots of support.

Do it if the person when not depressed is worth it.

I am two years into a relationship with a lovely man with severe depression. I feel completely trapped and out of my depth. His health has had a huge impact on mine and therefore consequences for my children. Knowing what I know now, I would have run a mile.

No. I don't think I could cope with this I'm afraid. It's different if you already have a partner and they are going through a bad patch.

No I wouldn't. Not with a history of severe depression. I wouldn't choose to take my life and my DCs life down that path if it could be avoided.

TBH, I'd rather not, after going through not even severe depression with ex. Although he was a twat.

So, it would depend on the person, really.

Probably not, because if I wanted to date in the first place, I would rather choose someone who didn't already come with a bag of trouble attached. And definitely not if it was self-diagnosed and the person was neither recieving nor seeking professional help, because that would be 'whinyarse syndrome' rather than depression.

Also, as I have a DS to consider, I wouldn't want to take on someone who needs a lot of additional support ie more than just ordinary mutual support in a relationship. But before I had DS I did have a couple of partners who had MH problems, and they were both very hard work, but at the time I could put up with it because I didn't have to worry about the impact on DC.

No

What SGB said. That's how I feel about it as well.

Yes, but I wouldn't be thinking of them as a long term partner.

I suffered with PND and I do still get quite down sometimes. I can see why people wouldnt want to get involved with someone with depression because it was the darkest time in my life and it must have been hard on my loved ones seeing me like that! But as for the safety of your children, if you know this person very well I don't think you have any thing to worry about. I hate that people with depression are somehow unfit to look after children or so some small minded people seem to think!

The OP mentioned severe depression though, and severe depression can make you lose contact with reality and become a danger to yourself and other people.
This is different to the dementor like effect of living with someone who is never happy and always moaning.
Alot of people with depression do try and minimise the effect on their kids by getting treatment the moment their mood tries to plummet and not revelaing to their kids when they are unhappy. Others don't though so it depends alot on the person.

I would be wary, not least because of my own "rescuer" tendencies. I've already ended up in one bad relationship (not depression-related) because of them, and I know that it is not a healthy dynamic for me.

So as others have said, if that person is managing the depression well themselves, that wouldn't necessarily rule them out, but I'm clear that I won't get into a relationship again where there is an expectation by either or both of us that I am going to "save" them.

That's why I said if you know the person well enough to know they're getting help and you can tell when they are losing contact with reality, then something can be done about it.

Jesus, this makes me very sad for my brother who is clearly struck off the list for most people who he'd want to date.

on the flip side, I know from his experience that the last kind of people he needs to date are selfish and unsupportive.