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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread no 45

999 replies

JulietteMontague · 08/03/2013 21:59

Online and real life dating chat, all welcome

OP posts:
ike1 · 13/03/2013 09:15

Miranda Voldie...nuff said...

lubeybooby · 13/03/2013 09:15

WFF well, the LDR's I've been in, exh used to be an hour away, BC about 3 hours away BUT he travelled a lot for work, and had friends here, so was passing or staying here reasonably often and if our free time didn't coincide then I would visit him on the train (still 3 hours) or we'd meet in London or wherever instead

TT was only 20/30 mins away if not traffic, but a nightmare hour or more if there was... (nightmare as most of it gridlocked if at the wrong time)

And TFO is travelling from Glasgow for a date. haha, that might be pushing it a bit even for me.

MirandaWest · 13/03/2013 09:17

I remember what happened but was just wondering if it was in those specific threads so to speak.

MirandaWest · 13/03/2013 09:17

I should be going running. Whoops.

ike1 · 13/03/2013 09:18

Yeah an hr is max really....unless super hot!

ike1 · 13/03/2013 09:18

I suspect so...Miranda

WarmFuzzyFun · 13/03/2013 09:30

To avoid being searchable, I don't suppose we could ask to be put on 'off the beaten track' could we? Or would that defeat the objective of being there for everyone and their dating ups and downs (pun intended Wink)?

So an hour is reasonable. I would be happy with seeing someone only at weekends at least at first, otherwise it feels too intense and liable to burn itself out quickly.

JulietteMontague · 13/03/2013 09:38

I think long distance is whatever you are used to. Ironically in London it is unlikely anyone you meet is going to be less than 1 hr away home to home, standard.

OP posts:
lulubellaboozle · 13/03/2013 10:12

I think 1.5 hours is a reasonable distance limit, on Match I searched within a 70 mile radius. I didn't actually want to date anyone close to home when I first started looking - it was the fear of recognising someone in Sainsbury's Blush

I met one guy who distance was a problem with, his work patterns etc and we just agreed it wouldn't work after we couldn't seem to get date 2 rearranged. BUT, Mr EA lives 70 miles away, I winked at him and he was only looking in his immediate area.

The first couple of months were challenging, with a couple of 2 week waits in between dates (but you can get that, with someone who lives in the next street). He was able to rearrange when he saw his DD, so he fitted in with my child free weekends and then changed his job which made it easier to see me and we basically managed to work it out.

I did do a couple of long M25 trips to see him on a Friday night and then leave first thing Saturday morning when he left for work. I certainly wouldn't rule distance out initially ..... it's just another thing to factor in.

lulubellaboozle · 13/03/2013 10:31

fuckedy fuck, just found out that I didn't get the job I went for and really wanted. I really really need to start working full-time and get some money coming in! Sad

WarmFuzzyFun · 13/03/2013 10:33

Oh Lulu Sad. I know that feeling, have you got any others jobs you can apply for or are waiting to hear back from?

ike1 · 13/03/2013 10:51

Sorry to hear that Lu.

lulubellaboozle · 13/03/2013 10:57

I've got one more, the application closing date was Monday just gone, and interviews next week, so fingers crossed but I think they have received over 100 applications so far, so not holding out much hope. bugger!

Also just found out that my STBXH has been declaring to the HMRC that he was paying me a company dividend of £35K each year, for which I am liable for tax, needless to say I only saw a fraction of that! only discovered because I know I need to do a tax return and want to make sure I declare everything. I'm trying to find out what is going on with his accountant who seems to now be maintaining radio silence! I actually feel physically sick!

mercury7 · 13/03/2013 11:09

lulu, it shouldnt be too difficult to prove that you didnt receive the money?
He's the one who should be worrying, false accounting is a pretty serious matter in the eyes of HMRC.
Do you have an accountant?
Can you contact HMRC and explain the situation to them so that they investigate him first?

EternalRose · 13/03/2013 11:20

Most people have hang ups about their body, even if they are super, super attractive. I read once, that Rihanna said she hates her legs, erm Hmm

My only real hang up is my mummy tummy...I am not going to kid myself, it just is not the same as it used to be Confused ...but that's motherhood for you I guess.

lulubellaboozle · 13/03/2013 11:24

yes, now I've had time to think about it, I can prove I didn't get the money, god knows where it went.

The thing is, every time I think there is nothing else he can surprise me with or do to me, there is always something else more awful that I discover.

mercury7 · 13/03/2013 11:26

yes Rose, after reading a thread in chat (and feeling smug because I never wear heels) I am now paranoid about bunions...I'm sure that lump wasnt there before I started running.
May have to start my own bunion thread Blush

as for dating, last planned liaison was sabotaged by the snowAngry that was our last chance, now he's working oversea's for 3-4 months.
I think I'll just start the process of putting him in the past :(

mercury7 · 13/03/2013 11:30

Lulu, I'm no expert but, you know that he's lied to HMRC, thats serious, if you dont fess up and tell them right away whats been happening then HMRC may take the view that you are complicit?

lulubellaboozle · 13/03/2013 11:33

I've heard back from the Accountant, apparently as a shareholder even though I actually only saw a nominal amount paid to me, £35,000 was aportioned to me and the remainder stayed in the business, which he then used to pay for gods knows what. I need to get to the bottom of it all, but think I have been a bit too naive and trusting ........ but he was my husband and I did trust him Shock

mercury7 · 13/03/2013 11:49

Lulu, good luck, I really hope you can resolve things quickly

lulubellaboozle · 13/03/2013 11:53

the quickest way to resolve things involves a patio, a shovel and a single blow to the back of the head Grin

but as that isn't possible and I don't want to go to prison I'll have to do what I always do, take a deep breathe, regroup, hold head up and move forward sorting out the shit as I go!

mercury7 · 13/03/2013 11:57

à la Mandy Jordache...

RockWithaJaggedyBit · 13/03/2013 12:04

Long, long time lurker . . . .hello!

Lulu This is (kind of) my field. If you've had a 35k divi declared to you, but you've only actually been paid a nominal amount, the remainder was, presumably, "loaned" back to the company (albeit without your knowledge or consent). You are a shareholder, this is your money, and (assuming the company has funds) you should be able to claim it back. And if this has happened in previous years, should be able to claim those as well.

OhWesternWind · 13/03/2013 12:06

Oh blimey Lulu that's the last thing you need to deal with at the moment! I'm not sure how all this works but hope you can get it sorted out very quickly . . . It does sound a bit dodgy but I've no idea if this is normal practice or not. Do you have a solicitor acting for you at all who can tell you what is best to do here? And I hope the other job works out for you as well.

Snape you have only said lovely things about Nameless on here (Hello Nameless!!) so nothing to worry about. It's clear from your posts how much you like him and now he knows that irl it's all fine. Having said that, I'd feel a bit odd about LM reading my posts, well more than a bit odd! It's so important to me to have this as a space where I can say whatever I want without having to censor myself and I think I would if I thought he could be watching.

WFF sorry you are feeling a bit low about the OD stuff. If it were me, I'd go along and meet him and see how you feel. I think it's the whole package, so if the rest of him is pretty lovely, it's easier to overlook the teeth. I don't think LM's teeth are great, mine aren't either as they are crooked at the front, but that is all okay. He has a pretty good body but a bit of a pot belly which honestly I did not notice until he started going on about it! (Lesson learned: Do not draw attention to problem areas that people wouldn't otherwise notice). Oh god, there are so many things wrong with me body-wise that I will get depressed if I start thinking about them all.

Getting jittery about LM again. I am starting to see how this works - I see him, things are lovely, I feel good, this lasts for a couple of days (Sunday night through to Tuesday night, for example) and then the whittly thoughts start to creep in. I start rehashing conversations and thinking "Why did he say that?", "What did he mean by that?" and wondering why he's not texted today and all sorts of stupid stuff. I am seeing him tonight though so maybe that's the way to tackle it all, just see him a little bit more often. Difficult though sometimes with all the other stuff going on for both of us.

I have friended him back on FB but not his Little Friend! Actually, I do feel quite sorry for her, she's in a bad place really, will hopefully meet her when she comes up next time. But I can do without all her status updates about LM all the time. I think she is just a bit lonely like me. I really need to find some RL friends, just cup of tea and a chat type friends, but it is so difficult as I don't really know anyone where I live now and because I work full-time in a different town I miss out on all the school stuff, can't go out on a regular basis to any groups until the children are older and can be left for an hour or so . . . bit stuck here. I have a lot of text/message/phone friends which is great and of course you lovely lot on here, but I just want a couple I can pop round to for half an hour in the evening.

OhWesternWind · 13/03/2013 12:10

I have just sent a text to my next door neighbour to see if she wants to come round for a brew/glass of wine some time . . . Yikes!