Dating thread no 45

[JulietteMontague]

Online and real life dating chat, all welcome

[ike1]

I wouldnt say we were 'in love'...but I loved my exH truly and deeply like a brother, a father and a son...but at the end and for many years not as a lover. TR I would only ever be able to see as a lover. I would rather lose the lover than the rest.

[ike1]

Yep SoSweet...you cannot have back what was... I suppose we can hope for clarity and a bit of peace and hopefully love too at some point?

[ike1]

But we were very much in love at the beginning..absolutely.. I fell in love with him at fisrt sight...~(hmm)

[mercury7]

[JulietteMontague]

Ike (((hugs)))

[ike1]

Dont blame you Merc...i would like to say I am joining you from fatigue..but it is actually because it appears nature has de-selected me.

[ike1]

Thanks Jules...

[Scrazy]

Group ((hugs))

[SoSweetAndSoCold]

Totally the same here Ike, not necessarily love at first sight, but just the awareness that something very significant had just happened, fell totally in love very quickly, but the relationship for many years missed that 'lover' element, but contained that very deep bond that I considered vastly more important, but which he did not. I hope you find peace (and love) again. I just cannot imagine it again for myself (although hope for it clearly!), but I have lost faith in relationships, and in my own ability to be in a decent relationship. That's the problem when it ends, you look back and somehow all the stuff that you'd previously thought was the bedrock of your life is just devalued and crumbles into worthless shit. So I no longer have any idea what a 'good relationship' even is. Gawd. .

[SoSweetAndSoCold]

Oh dear, can I nominate myself for the award for 'The Most Depressing De-lurk of 2013'

I'll lurk once more until ready to jump into the world of dating

[ike1]

Yep ... I see that SoSweet... it is wondering what the 'essence' of a good relationship actually is... is it great sex, friendship, support, affection, mutual interests, shared purpose....and if you do find that, how do you keep it going? Why is that person 'worth' the investment?

I suppose I know I can survive alone... I am ok... I havent gone mad..become an alcoholic, sex addict blah blah...so anyone that enhances that base level has got to be of interest I guess..

[ike1]

Dont worry so sweet, I like to surprise everyone with my depressing missives now and again ...just incase they think I am too flaky...

[Scrazy]

So sweet, I hand the prize to you.

However, both Ike's and your back story seems to be indicating that a certain passion was lacking from the start so lessons to take forward. The spark has to be there along with everything else, god it's hard, it's a needle in a haystack that OD maybe won't find. Although it does for some so....

[ike1]

Oh no plently of passion at the start Scrazy...but it is hard to keep it doin over the years... that's the problem...I thought my exH was the most beautiful man EVER..

[ike1]

plenty ...goin

[ike1]

How do you continue to see your partner as a lover over many years? How do you prevent the relationship from becoming that of friendship or brother/sister...especially when you meet at a young age. I dunno.

[ike1]

I am often tempted to think that as a species we are not supposed to be monogamous ...we should all live in a big pack and pick salt out of each other's flanks all day long probably. Whose gonna be the Silverback of the OD pack eh?

[SoSweetAndSoCold]

Plenty of passion but it definitely fizzled after the first 3 or 4 years. But I just don't know how you would keep that initial frantic phase going over a 10 or 20 year relationship. Definitely a lesson learnt though, that 'just' being best friends isn't enough to sustain a relationship.

[lubeybooby]

oh here you are! :o

[ike1]

No... which is why what I am hoping for is a relationship with someone who is decent that I can meet up with a few times a week for a laugh and fun and who will pat my back when I cry. That's all

[ike1]

Lubes You missed my moaning!

[mercury7]

the essense??
I've no idea..cant think of anything, be it profound or pithy
i'm feeling mostly melancholic tonight

[ike1]

Oh no Merc... wassup?

[BillMasen]

Hi all. My little girl is up coughing and so I'm up too! She sounds quite bad and I just can't relax so I think it'll be a bit of a long night.

I'll echo what's being said about life feeling odd. I have times of being really annoyed that at my age I'm back where is was 15 years ago, living on my own in a little house. I miss my kids and never wanted to be a weekend dad and none of this is what I'd have chosen.

[Scrazy]

Ike, this was my experience with my first love, my second love (husband) but subsequently I have had men who I know I would have had the lasting passion with for ever. It's new and with experience you know the difference. Shame they didn't recognise it, they might be miserable now.