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Original poster

To get annoyed at having to prompt dh for some money?

537 replies

WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 15:57

I work FT and get paid monthly, dh gets paid weekly. My wage pays the bills/clothes the kids need etc. On a Friday when dh is paid he transfers money straight into my account for groceries. Today he transferred £100 so I went to Tesco and spent £70 on food for the week and put the other £30 in the meter for electric.

Now it's my friends birthday today and I'd like to buy her something nice and also my other friend had a baby on Monday so would have liked to buy her a little gift.

Every week it's more or less the same, he transfers money over but I just never have enough. When I ask him for more money he usually says "did you spent the whole £100"? But he always transfers more over its just the fact he questions me and I don't think I should have to ask.

I'm not out buying luxuries for myself (I wish) I'd just like a little bit of cash in my purse. AIBU?

I almost feel guilty for asking him Confused

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 02/03/2013 09:27

Glad you have had some treatment OP.

Ashoe, do you want to talk about things with your DH?

CaptainVonTrapp · 02/03/2013 09:30

Good Luck Alice. I'm glad (iykwim) that he's shown his true colours over this and you've not wasted anymore of your life with him.

It makes my blood boil that by the sounds of it he has a good amount of disposable income each month and you and the children have to scrimp for haircuts...

Imaginethat · 02/03/2013 09:40

Holy smoke Alice, what an awful day for you. I'm so sorry you've been physically hurt on top of everything else. I hope the drops help.

I also hope your parents are supportive, can loan you some cash and offer some practical support while you adjust to being on your own with the kids.

Sadly my first thought when reading our first post was that your relationship was terrible. Bet you didn't expect it to go quite this way though!

Alice you sound really capable and as though you deserve a lot more than you dare to expect. I hope that as the domestics settle down you start to value yourself more x

Imaginethat · 02/03/2013 09:42

But I did love your out of whores Grin

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 02/03/2013 09:48

Thank you. I didn't expect it to go this way at all.

I have enough food in for the week so just need a bit of money for day to day living, petrol and stuff. I get paid on the 12th so not too long to wait. I just need to budget wisely. I'm still checking my bank account in the hope he's transferred some money. I can't get my head round the fact he knows we have no money, Fair enough if he wants to punish me but even stupid things like the kids pocket money, I can't give them any. Oh well, don't know why I'm so surprised.

OP posts:
Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 02/03/2013 09:50

Got to love auto correct eh :)

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 02/03/2013 09:52

"We've always had a joint account. Regardless of who earns what, my OH earns 4 times what I do but whatever is in the bank is ours."

Our situation is similar. We take money out of the joint account as and when we need it. We also have separate savings accounts, and the money for them comes out of the joint account.

In a stable relationship where there are no trust issues I really, really don't get the "his money her money" scenario. It overly complicates things and creates resentment.

expatinscotland · 02/03/2013 11:03

Hope you don't take him back again. He cheated. You gave him a second chance, and he financially abused you.

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 02/03/2013 11:24

I won't be taking him back. Can't live like that anymore. There is no respect, so no point.

OP posts:
FelicityWasCold · 02/03/2013 12:05

Alice I am Shock how brave you are- well done you. If you can cope with the last 24 hours you are going to do so well with bringing up your children alone- you will all be so much happier.

He probably won't transfer money- and if I was you I'd keep a record of exactly how that impacts the kids over the next 10 days until you get paid- and then if t any point in the future you feel yourself weakening I'd read that.

Dubjackeen · 02/03/2013 12:16

Nothing to add to all of the advice you have been given here,but just want to wish you well. Please take good care of yourself,and stay strong.

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 02/03/2013 12:20

I know we'll be fine, thankfully my parents have helped me out until payday which I really hate doing. Just need to tell the children which I'm not looking forward to. I just hope he doesn't turn up after work expecting everything to be rosy. That's what he does after an argument. Butbibthink after his tantrum last night he's went a step too far.

He has text to say he has bought ds2 birthday present which I am pissed off about. Obviously it would have been from both of us but as circumstances have changed I'll need to get him something else. I'm the one who spent hours online looking for the present. He's still trying to control everything.

OP posts:
FelicityWasCold · 02/03/2013 12:23

He is trying to control you, but it can't work if you don't let him. Keep ignoring him and call the police if he turns up.

Longdistance · 02/03/2013 12:42

Well done Alice. You've got balls to get rid of him so quick. So glad, as some women would put up with their dp/ dh if that incident happened. I sure wouldn't.

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 02/03/2013 13:17

Said he's coming for the dog at 5pm, the kids beloved pet. Don't think I have the strength for this. Arsehole, wouldn't believe this is a 38 year old man.

OP posts:
Inertia · 02/03/2013 13:26

You don't have to be in. You and the kids could take the dog for a walk.

Did he leave his keys ? If not maybe consider fitting extra front and back mortice locks for your safety (this might be another reason for logging with police).

PureQuintessence · 02/03/2013 13:28

He is for sure showing his true nasty colours.

expatinscotland · 02/03/2013 13:29

Why is he trying to take their dog?! I'd call the police, really. I mean, he's an abusive, controlling arse trying to punish his kids for your not putting up with his abuse!

And you know, there's a record of it now! I'd text him back and tell him, 'I had to go see a doctor about my eye and get drops. I told the truth about how I came by this injury. If you come up here again I will call the police. I will not put up with your abuse anymore or subject the children to it.'

expatinscotland · 02/03/2013 13:30

He won't give you money unless he's forced. Why? Because he's a controlling, abusive arse and you're right, you don't have to live like this.

LadyPessaryPam · 02/03/2013 13:33

Change the locks and don't let him in.

LadyPessaryPam · 02/03/2013 13:34

Or go to your parents with kids and dog.

MrsKoala · 02/03/2013 13:42

You seem so brave. Well done.

Why is he justifying taking the dc's dog?

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 02/03/2013 13:45

He knows how much the kids would miss the dog. I think it's a poor attempt at me having a change of heart. Not happening. He has his own keys, I've told him about my eye and it being on record. Also told him if he appears here at 5pm I'll be phoning the police. Jesus I can't believe all this is happening :(

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 02/03/2013 13:48

I'd ring the police now and let them know he's threatening to show up and take the dog.

MrsKoala · 02/03/2013 13:50

He is upping the abuse ante now, if he can't bully you directly he will do it via the children. he will be justifying it by saying if you loved the children you wouldn't let him take the dog, so therefore you are bad. Without taking responsibility for the fact it is HIM doing it.

People like this will never see their actions as they are. They are not worth trying to negotiate with. Just continue saying 'do not come here, i will call the police'. Then do if he turns up. Don't enter into any conversation.

You are doing really well. What an utter cock.