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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To get annoyed at having to prompt dh for some money?

537 replies

WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 15:57

I work FT and get paid monthly, dh gets paid weekly. My wage pays the bills/clothes the kids need etc. On a Friday when dh is paid he transfers money straight into my account for groceries. Today he transferred £100 so I went to Tesco and spent £70 on food for the week and put the other £30 in the meter for electric.

Now it's my friends birthday today and I'd like to buy her something nice and also my other friend had a baby on Monday so would have liked to buy her a little gift.

Every week it's more or less the same, he transfers money over but I just never have enough. When I ask him for more money he usually says "did you spent the whole £100"? But he always transfers more over its just the fact he questions me and I don't think I should have to ask.

I'm not out buying luxuries for myself (I wish) I'd just like a little bit of cash in my purse. AIBU?

I almost feel guilty for asking him Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 03/03/2013 03:27

Spa

OP posts:
Dededum · 03/03/2013 03:29

Annoying isn't it, keep hiding them but they come back.

How are you?

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/03/2013 03:33

Bollocks to the spam, bollocks to the texts. Just keep talking to us.

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 03/03/2013 03:39

I'm so down now. :( my heads fked

OP posts:
Dededum · 03/03/2013 03:46

Is he still texting or have things gone quiet?

Things always feel worse at night. Remember you are secure, the doors and windows are locked.

Hope the police arrive soon, you need to lie down and get some sleep.

Wish I was there to give you a hug. You have been so incredibly brave. Remind yourself that you deserve better than this s**t

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/03/2013 03:46

You will feel a million times better if you drink some water and try to get your head down. Vodka, no sleep, late night, all the shit that's going on, you need some sleep.

Dededum · 03/03/2013 03:49

Agreed sleep, which reminds me I have to go to bed now.

Take care, and MrsTP is right loads of water.

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 03/03/2013 03:50

I'm so tired physically and mentally I've drank 2pints of water all spores are locked

OP posts:
Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 03/03/2013 03:51

Doors

OP posts:
nightowlmostly · 03/03/2013 03:56

Hi Alice, I hope you're ok. I can't believe the police didn't come yet!

I know this probably feels really like the worst situation right now, but the reality is that you've got rid of this excuse for a husband, and can move on. Things will get better, and we're always here for you if you need support x

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 03/03/2013 04:05

Apart from you guys I have no one, how sad is that. 4am and I'm slone

OP posts:
Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 03/03/2013 04:06

Alone grr

OP posts:
Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 03/03/2013 04:07

Still waiting on police

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/03/2013 04:11

4am and you have chosen to get rid of a PITA. You've chosen to only deal with people who aren't abusive. Good for you. Sleep tight Alice. I hope tomorrow is brighter. I bet it is.

Onslow · 03/03/2013 04:19

You're not alone Alice. People are here for you if you need to talk.

MaBumble · 03/03/2013 04:28

Your are not alone Alice, we are here x

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 03/03/2013 04:32

:( thanks, just got a text telling me he's pulled. Why I need to kno is beyond me

OP posts:
Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 03/03/2013 04:37

Mental torture, regardless of my actual feelings why even tell me :( wanker

OP posts:
vivizone · 03/03/2013 04:40

Stay strong. It's a shit night but you will pull through. Imagine someone treating one of your kids this way? feel that anger and apply it to yourself. Love yourself for the sake of your kids.
It will be fine.

CleopatrasAsp · 03/03/2013 04:59

Alice, you have done so well so far, honestly. Everything he has done just proves how right you were originally about questioning the division of finances, it wan't a fair set up and it was just the tip of the iceberg. He was always an abusive man - cheating on you, keeping you (and by proxy the children) short of money, making you walk on eggshells around him.

The truth is he's a horrible man and you will be so much better without him. He's being this nasty because he's lost control of you and he knows he's lost something good - virtually free bed and board for one thing. If he pulls someone else he pulls someone else (poor them!) but the chances are he's just talking a load of shit in the hope it'll make you take him back. Seriously, why would you want this prick back? You can do so much better.

I also very much doubt that his policeman friend gave him the heads up about you contacting the police. My guess is he said this to try and intimidate you into not contacting the police again. He's trying to isolate you so that you feel alone and helpless. Please log all that has happened with the police, show them all the texts and then get a restraining order and whatever else you need to stop him being able to come near you or into your house. He's a nasty bastard but you have him on the run now, don't give up!

MrsMangoBiscuit · 03/03/2013 05:03

So sorry your going through this Alice. What an utter tosspot. FWIW, he hasn't pulled, not if he's still texting you! He's still trying to mess with you. Don't engage, ignore him and his tantrums (except for informing the police) and just focus on you and your DCs. (((( hug ))))

Bedtime1 · 03/03/2013 05:04

How is it going Alice?

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/03/2013 05:32

He's pulled? At 4.30am? And he's stopped to text you? I doubt it. Even if he has, poor, poor woman. She will have to learn the lessons you learned and waste some of her life doing it.

crabb · 03/03/2013 07:11

Alice, are you ok?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 03/03/2013 07:17

Alice, I hope you got some sleep and are still resting. X