Dating thread 44

[lubeybooby]

Here we go - all dating chat here!

TR added to my life we had lots of fun....but he had a cruel side and was unsupportive, however I certainly miss the companionship. He was no 'soulmate' but i would not have finished the relationship if he had been more supportive and kinder.

I have a very active social life, my own home, financial independence, kids...but I think being single sucks.

Ike that's a bit crap. I know loads in wonderful relationships. Sod all compromise at all apart from on very minor things and unfailingly brilliant blokes with brilliant women. I too have known wonderful a couple of times... maybe what goes on around us skews what we expect because you certainly wouldn't find me compromising around a temper or other issues. Though that's also down to having done in the past when I was too young to know better

and I love being single so guess that helps... haha

I am strangely unmoved by Bant's Wurzels

Kin - here's one just for you then:

"Hear my soul speak:
The very instant that I saw you, did
My heart fly to your service."

I only know one couple, my best mate and his wife, who have been together for 19 years, still make each other laugh all the time, have 4 kids and while they're stressed and get irritated at each other occasionally, they just fit together perfectly. Seeing how they look at each other and smile makes me grin even after knowing them both for almost 20 years. Then I tell them to get a bloody room.

I had that once, when I was much younger, and would like it again. But I don't know how likely it is that I'll find it.

OWW - you're right, you've posted about the stressy times you're worried about things with LM and some people may focus on that as if it's all there is. But you've told us the other stuff too (basques etc) - and we all have a big grin on for you when things are going well.

I think this thread is good like that. We get to know the back story - when people first met someone, the tossers they'd had bad dates with before, why they liked them so much - so we're generally less likely to say LTB than if you just posted in relationships. We want things to work out for you and you to be happy - and we worry when you're not, because we like you.

Seconding what Bant says about this thread. We aren't all LTBs. We give advice based on our experiences or whatever but it is very much about supporting others. It's a really good thread, this, with a lot of very considerate thoughtful and funny people. And it's been extra that the last few weeks.

And I hate to burst your bubble Nora but original Shakespearian dialect was pronounced in something like a West Country accent

Yeah, whateva, Bant.

Voice, perdition catch my soul but I do love thee and when I love thee not, Chaos is come again

- about 3:20 is when you'll hear it. Sounds west-country or possibly East Anglia to me

sorry

Right - I'm leaving work for the day. Work party tonight.

I shall not get off with the cute girl from Accounting. I shall not. Oh no. Not I.

Lulu You are welcome to mine in a few months. I will be 49howdidthathappen

Have fun, Bant ...

all the shakespearing is giving me the horn... I'm on the train to namelesses. hope you all have a good evening. I'll report in later/tomorrow.

I'm back - and so is my dear old Sugar Daddy (my name for him not his). Despite telling me two weeks ago that he didn't feel that there was a connection between us and that he only saw me as a friend, SD has been in contact, albeit irregularly. And on Monday he told me that he hs missedme, absence hs made the heart grow fonder and he would really like things to be back where they were. He has asked if I would I like to spend Monday and Tuesday night with him at his house, while my DS is with my ExH.

I am lost
I still really like him but I don't want to be in a one way relationship - me liking him and him tolerating me. That's what my marriage was like and its hugely damaging. I am consoling myself wth the thought that if he didn't want to spend time with me, he doesn't have to.

He reckons he just got frightened off - worried about having to fit around me and my commitments, by how different we are. He also says that he is concerned about his sex drive - he's in his late 50s. He sees me as more passionate than him, which is probably true. I just hope that doesn't mean that he just doesn't find me attractive....
Too much analysing methinks. Maybe I should just relax and let things go. It's really not that easy for me though. I am seeing him this evening, the first time since the discussion about being back together, so we will wait and see.

Ha ha Bant I bet it's not the cute girl but someone totally unsuitable, the Budapest equivalent of Brenda the Tea Lady . . .

Libby I'm sorry, I kind of passed over your posts earlier, but I wanted to say that I understand as well. Hence all the stuff you see me posting on here. I've not really found a good way to deal with it apart from time, and I do think I'm getting better. At the very least, I am getting better at saying what I want and that can only be a good thing. It can be awful, though, feeling like that over minor things. I can remember some mad stuff I have thought whilst I've been seeing LM and apart from this last week it has all been figments of my imagination. I have wasted lots and lots of time and energy worrying about absolutely nothing. Luckily I have been able to post on here and that stops it from intruding into real life a lot of the time. Please keep on posting on here and also please feel free to PM me if you don't want to go into details on here as it can be a bit difficult sometimes. I'm carrying on posting whatever as part of my new policy of not being a chicken shit about my feelings, but it's difficult sometimes.

Tomorrow is LM's shop opening day. He's sent me a load of photos of it during the day today, and it's sort of finished. Should be ready enough to open for tomorrow. I am planning to go over to drop a bottle of bubbly and a card and surprise him. This really means such a lot to him, and to me - it's kind of symbolic of him getting himself back on track with his life and moving forward, and I think it will perk him up no end.

Poppy, it sounds a bit odd, putting you in the friends category, then backtracking. Do you think he might have had someone else he was more interested in going on back then and now hasn't.

Is it physical between you and could you perhaps see him again but don't sleep together until you are sure he wants what you want.

It might be that you are happy being single for some of these reasons: you are younger Lubes, better possibilities, more time to find the one that suits and enjoy variety in your sex life. Possibly.

Truely there is nobody I know who has a really fantastic relationship. Even the couple I know who are very close have had to work hard at it....and he has had to learn to curb his temper...she has had self harming issues and problems with alcohol.... they have recieved counselling forall of this because it was hurting the relationship. Beyond them .....nada. Most of my friends are professionals so seemingly should be more settled.

Sttis

I've only skim read through today's posts so my comments may not be terribly useful or pertinent. OWW , my view on the LM situation is that he's imperfect and has made mistakes but then relationships encounter these kind of hurdles, the decision to be made is whether the good outweighs the bad, you've done that, you've addressed it with him and you've decided what's best for you and that is the most important thing, especially considering the legacy of your previous relationship.

Hi Poppy - I've been wondering how you were getting on with things. Well, have you decided what to do? I think the sex drive thing doesn't mean that he doesn't fancy you, but he is a little older and may be worried about his stamina/performance, maybe? I don't think that has to do with how attractive you are but just with the ageing process.

The big question is, what do you want to do? I know what he says he wants to do, but are you happy with that? Would you rather have a couple of dates with him and go out a bit rather than going straight back into spending a couple of nights with him? There's no rush to decide, you can always put it back a week or two if you're not happy doing it straight away. I would say, though, have a talk with him tonight and ask him about the things you are worrying about. Fingers crossed it will clear things up for you, and even if you don't get the answers you want, you'll know where you stand.

Good luck.

Mainly the couples appear to operate fine on the surface but there is no sexual spark.One I can think of is a pleasant enough relationship but he shuts down with work stress so communication becomes as issue and his other half doesnt know what to do to help him.

But they all have lovely family holidays, socialise on occasions and have some companionship with another adult...more than I have at the mo..

Poppy, I agree with OWW, what do you want ? It's not just about him and his feelings and what he wants, you should be enjoying yourself and not fretting while he mucks you about.

OWW LM is very lucky to be involved with someone as thoughtful and considerate as you.