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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 44

999 replies

lubeybooby · 01/03/2013 09:46

Here we go - all dating chat here!

OP posts:
Bant · 08/03/2013 12:23

I second everything said above. Or possibly third or fourth it, I'm not sure.

And I can't compete with Voice's thespian charms, so being a country boy at heart, all I can say is:

Oi've got a brand new combine harvester,
An Oi'll give you the key,
Come on now let's get together in
Perfick Harmony
Oi got twenty acres,
An you got forty three,
Now
I got a brand new combine harvester
An Oi'll give you the key

lulubellaboozle · 08/03/2013 12:24

woops meant to say Mr EA isn't perfect ...... well secretly I may think he is, just a little bit

ike1 · 08/03/2013 12:24

What if the person feels that ok is better than nothing though Jules ...which alot (myself included) would accept, generally speaking.

lulubellaboozle · 08/03/2013 12:25

Bant showing your age Wink

VoiceofUnreason · 08/03/2013 12:27

Ike - I think if you genuinely feel OK is better than nothing, then that's fine. What you can't then (and I am not saying anyone on this board does this but we all know people in RL who do) moan and continually harp on about what's wrong and why isn't it this and why isn't it that. Because by doing that you are clearly saying you DON'T think OK is better than nothing.

Bant - sadly, The Wurzels come from an area not a million miles away from me....

ike1 · 08/03/2013 12:30

Well yeah...I generally dont say much about my relationships in RL. I find being single ok ....but pretty fucking mundane. I like company and dont particularly want THE BIG LOVE (though that would be ok)..I would need to find the person attractive and a reasonable companion though.

ike1 · 08/03/2013 12:32

I think there are folk od who are looking for the big love.....tricky then.

ike1 · 08/03/2013 12:34

Despite having been cheated on quite spectaculary..I dont have any hang ups about trust particularly if I am not living with the person....

ike1 · 08/03/2013 12:36

I am a big believer in love growing out of companionship, kindness and respect.

OhWesternWind · 08/03/2013 12:47

Voice, you are sadly misinformed . . . But thank you all for being so very kind about me. Just wish it was true.

I am going to carry on for now with LM and like Lulu says, either it will work or it won't.

What I do want/need to say though is that I have presented a very skewed view of my relationship with LM on here, basically because I am a worrier and anxious and that would be the same with anyone I was in a relationship with. Just the same as a couple of other posters on here. It is me, and I know why it's me, and that doesn't necessarily make things easy. It's all a work in progress and I think I am making huge steps forward. But just because I worry about it doesn't mean it's not good with LM. I think this is probably difficult for some people to understand, but will make perfect sense to other people. I know that most of the time if someone were worried it would point to something being wrong, but I really don't think that is the case here. It points to me having a problem with anxiety which is due to things that have happened in the past.

He does a lot to bring happiness into my life in many ways, he lightens me up, gets me to be silly and muck around and joke and gossip and talk about my feelings and all sorts of stuff. It makes me smile when I think about him or get a text from him. I look forward to seeing him and get butterflies when I think about him, still. We have the same sense of humour and the same values. We have a load of running jokes going. He thinks about what I like to do, in bed and out of it. He is very kind. He is sexy as hell. And the sex being the best ever, it is true in this case which possibly is due to me not having a good sex life before, but I cannot remember being this attracted to someone over a period of time. I have the confidence with him to say what I want and that is a great thing for me. I love being with him.

Bant · 08/03/2013 12:48

lulu - I think it's a weird coincidence, but Voice, BillMasen and myself are all exactly the same age. Don't know about Flo or OrdinaryBloke (or any other male posters on here)

But it's just odd that all of us have just turned 39 in the last couple of months (?)

Scrazy · 08/03/2013 12:52

OWW, it sounds like basis for a great relationship, enjoy it please Smile.

mercury7 · 08/03/2013 12:55

love and intimacy have been problematic for (probably) all of human history..i dont see that changing anytime soon, although perhaps robot lovers will help to ease our pain in the future.

Im not saying we shouldnt try and find better ways of doing things..more that we shouldnt be surprised at how complex it often is

JulietteMontague · 08/03/2013 13:03

What Voice says about ok is ok if you really are aware that's what it is and you are bothare genuinely content with it (in which case I would class that as better than ok, in a relationship sense I'd class ok as just the right side of meh). It should feel good. I know that for me and lots of people, ok would ultimately be soul destroying. I've had ok and I've had good and there is no comparison.

This is where lots of women, possibly the majority who have come out of long term relationships say they would not want to live with a partner again. The reasons being they want to do what they want, don't want to have to put with x, don't want to deal with y all of which is totally understandable. But if it's for those reasons that's often a legacy of something that was ok which means it wasn't really.

JulietteMontague · 08/03/2013 13:08

OWW I love being with him. yes! to that.

JulietteMontague · 08/03/2013 13:30

Last post re ok not directed at anyone here, more what I hear in RL with friends either in relationships they don't like very much or who got single again after similar. Those are the same ones who question why I bother to date at all as I'd be 'better of single' Hmm.

VoiceofUnreason · 08/03/2013 13:35

Bant that is a little bit "spooky" as Dame Edna used to say

lulubellaboozle · 08/03/2013 13:44

Bant just turned 39? shouldn't you be buying a motorbike and chasing after 20 years old, any day now? Lulu covers herself by adding of course that is what SOME men do, when they approach 40

Well I remember the Worzels but unfortunately I have 8 years on you lot! I'm 48 this year, friggin 48? how did that happen? oh do I feel a name change coming on? Grin

ike1 · 08/03/2013 13:55

Yes but I dont paricularly find the alternative of being single particularly fabulous either....seems to me the likelihood of finding a great partner is well...pretty slim.

ike1 · 08/03/2013 14:02

Infact I dont know ANYBODY who has a partner that I would describe as being great....they all have some element that the other person has to compromise around....(ie not much of a converstionalist, temper issues, non attentiveness) however their partner finds enough within and out of the relationship to find it mostly satisfying.

ike1 · 08/03/2013 14:03

.....or shall we say preferrable to being single and trawling through dating sites.

ike1 · 08/03/2013 14:05

I would honestly rather be in a satisfactory, stable relationship than where I am now and that is the absolute truth.

Scrazy · 08/03/2013 14:10

Mercury, it can seem to be problematic but then you hear if people like my siblings who met and married young, raised families are now grandparents and still together. I'm not say they haven't been through up's and down's of life but the relationships have been mutually supportive with little angst.

Scrazy · 08/03/2013 14:19

Sorry about the terrible grammar in my last post.

OhWesternWind · 08/03/2013 15:00

I'm actually with Ike - I can't think of anyone who is in a long-term relationship/marriage that I would actually envy. They all have so many issues, serious compromises, grumpiness, selfishness, arguments etc etc that I would rather be on my own than be like that. There are a lot that look great on the surface, but are very different when you get to know the people involved and find out what it's really like.

But I would rather be with someone who adds to my life than be on my own. I'm not expecting perfection, just something that's good.