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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 43

999 replies

WarmFuzzyFun · 23/02/2013 17:27

Here it is...

OP posts:
KinNora · 26/02/2013 18:00

Would you like me to turn up and go all Manc on his ass ? Because I will

ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:03

Oh be my arsing twating guest!!!

lubeybooby · 26/02/2013 18:04

Excellent, where can we find him ike? I'll back Nora up. Like batman and robin or something.

ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:04

Sorry I have to go calm down and guzzle some wine before I can explain further....just accept for now that he is a cock and a cunt..

ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:06

and a nit picking little twatty oooooooeeerrf grrrrrr.

KinNora · 26/02/2013 18:17

It's like assembling the A-Team, bagsy I be Murdoch. I bet if we just cast our eyes around we can fashion a flamethrower from egg boxes and a Cilit Bang.

ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:20

Right went to parents eve on own as per...popped in to see kids in after school club to say hi. Arse comes in..we ignore each other ....then I decide to be the adult and offer up the good news that he kids are doing ok (bear in mind DS has Dyspraxia and for YEARS.. parents evenings have been dreaded).

Anyhow he starts on...why doesnt he know about parents evening?....check the bags the notes are left in there...get yourself on parents mail...etc etc. But no its my lack of comms still, somehow. This is all said through gritted teeth in the club.

It happens all the time apparently, according to ex H that the kids are let down by me because I dont let him know stuff. "Ok" says I "give me examples",
"Oh I cant think of any right now...."

At this point DS starts getting upset...wants us to stop arguing...but I have got myself so annoyed the only thing I can do is walk away (he jets off on his sunshine hol on Thurs, so wanted the kids tonight so I left them with him).

All I can do is make notes of his bullying tactics and ignore the twit because he is upsetting everyone. I have instructed him to get on parents mail and stop relying on me. But next month it will be something else.

ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:22

He is a social worker so in the back of my mind I have a leetle nagging doubt that he is trying to build up a portfolio to prove me an unfit parent in some way...

VoiceofUnreason · 26/02/2013 18:24
ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:28

Soz Voice ...I am soooooo beyond Sugar it will send me through the roof.

The thing that upsets me in all this is that one of my first memories is of my parents rowing and me begging them to stop. THAT is exactly what has happened with my son tonight and the thing that I thought I would avoid by having kids with exH, because we rarely argued.

I am bitterly regretful about that and it makes me very upset.

KinNora · 26/02/2013 18:31

God, Ike, the man sounds like an infuriating and manipulative arse, I'm sure someone else will have an effective way of handling a person like that in a cool manner - I can only do it with any success at work so I'm no good to advise you. I do think he would be on a hiding to nothing trying to malign your parenting skills - it's not as if you're off abroad every five minutes, is it ?

KinNora · 26/02/2013 18:36

How old is your son ? Because I would wait until later, when you're feeling a bit calmer, sit him down, explain your memories of your parents arguing and say that you never wanted your own children to be in that situation and say that you're sorry - he knows you love and want the best for him.

ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:36

Well no...I am pretty sure I am being paranoid there but I will start making notes about his behaviour with dates ...incase he DARES to try and I am VERY careful with texts. Yes he is manipulative...but oh my goodness he can be soooo seemingly lovely....oh yeah he is feeling guilty for sure...

ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:38

He is nearly 9 and very emotionally intelligent, we are very similar..bless his little cotton socks ,,,,he sooo doesnt desrve this shit.

ChooChooLaverne · 26/02/2013 18:42

ike sorry to hear what an arse he is. I think if he reacts like that when you try and have a reasonable conversation you might have to stop trying. Just think of a stock phrase 'send me an email about it', 'we'll talk later', 'not in front of the children' whatever and repeat it ad nauseam. Maybe write everything down in an email so you've got it in writing and he can't go around accusing you of stuff.

I've found this quite useful with my ex when he started ranting at me once about how he never got to see DS - I sent him an email stating this and listing all the times/days I'd suggested that he could have seen him when he hadn't been able to/wanted to and made suggestions about other times when he could see him and gave him a few options.

He never replied of course as he doesn't actually want to make the effort but he had nothing to come back to me about. I took all emotion out of it and just wrote down the facts. Could you try something like that? List all the ways he needs to find out information from the school and then the ball is in his court to actually sort it out?

ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:46

You are spot on Choo choo with your advice.And exH and I are in professions where we would advise just that.....ha hahahah.

NicholasTeakozy · 26/02/2013 18:50

Ike, as your ex is both a cock and a cunt I think it's safe to say he can fuck himself...

ChooChooLaverne · 26/02/2013 18:50

Doesn't make it any easier though does it?

KinNora · 26/02/2013 18:51

Well that's what I would do with my lot, they all know that, unlike their father, I'm as open and honest as possible - your son will understand and will appreciate your candour.
I think the trick with manipulative people is to be utterly guileless while holding the knowledge that they're looking to get one over on you, they believe they're being messed with but can't quite figure out how. Making detailed notes of things is also a good idea, if only for the security that knowing exactly what's happened on any given occasion gives you.

ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:51

Its all about remembering that you are the adult and not taking or mirroring the child persona.....for fucks sakes ....2 children in charge of kids thats what we were tonight.

ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:53

Yep those 2 approaches are spot on ...... this is now a business/work relationship.....got to do away with emotions...

ChooChooLaverne · 26/02/2013 18:55

You're only human ike. Definitely talk to your son as Nora suggested and he'll learn that we all make mistakes but being an adult means dealing with it once you have.

Don't suppose your ex would ever admit he was in the wrong though, would he?

ike1 · 26/02/2013 18:59

No, not now, he used to be on the surface very reasonable....hey but deep down who knows what grudges he harboured. I talk to Iz all the time about my mistakes...I will do that....he knows for sure that Mum is no Goddess..

ike1 · 26/02/2013 19:00

I dont want to treat him as too much of a little adult though...there has to a balance.

ike1 · 26/02/2013 19:10

As you all were, back to dating....

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