The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

Baby Good luck for Friday Sweetpea. xxx

I agree purple (and glad you a little better) ive not been here long but it is so nice and supportive. It makes so much difference. Not feeling alone with it all and being able to say anything thats bothering.

purple thanks babe and hope your right we all support and care for each other and it really really feels good to share x x x

Yo purps good to hear from you. This bus is a lovely place isn't it.

Aw thank you feel I'm torn between being happy & being so pissed off with dh, sure everything will feel better in the morning!
Night night brave babes xx

Ma This Bus is a whole new world to me - no exaggeration. xxxx

Ps. Is this normal behaviour for dh's to treat dd's I'm this way? I want to pack my bags & leave (I'm arien so tend to be a little dramatic) but really have no where to go & don't want to leave my cats xx

clutter congratulations! Promise us that the new job will be less stressful? Well done on the interview and staying dry- fab news

purple look after yourself xx

baby hope it all goes ok, crohns disease sounds like hard painful work, poor you! Day 3 is the worst of all and it gets a little better after that. Well done.

Thanks lovely Guggs xx

Clutter I seriously don't think most men have the cranial capacity to cope with such emotional stuff - honestly! My DD is a precocious pre-teen and my conversation with her Dad at the beginning of the week (because it was a bit of a difficult few days) started with him saying pompously "Well, I just want her to drop the attitude!"!!! Ffs! We've got at least 4+ years to go! She cant help her hormones! He has NO idea! No excuses for her but it's a fully documented period in life!! It's going to be down to me to be referee! Can you talk calmly to your DH. I think sometimes men see the women they love being 'attacked' and react accordingly - whoever is the perceived enemy. Hugs Hun. xxxx

I think the new job will have its own level of stress Guggs but I'll be working more on my own which I enjoy & it is 10 mins from my house & 2 mins from childminders so less stressy time getting to & from work, hopefully it's works out. My new line manager seems fab so really don't want to mess this up. Feel like its a fresh start and one I don't want to miss up due to sickies from alcohol.
Purple, completely agree all the things he goes mad about I think yep this is normal. 2 weeks ago she was getting picked on at school so give her a bloody break. He also seems to go from zero to mad pretty quickly. It just feels like he is so angry with her & to me it feels like for little reason.
He was also grounded as a teen (so couldn't of been as perfect as he acts!) and I was never grounded (by no means perfect think my parents couldn't be bothered having me hanging around all weekend)
So think we're coming at this from different angles?
I've been awake since 3 with noisy neighbours, little one needing a wee, cat scratching to go out, felt like the bear in the book "peace at last"
Better not phone in sick though
Hope all babes have a good day, can't wait til I'm home today xx

Morning all guggthanks for the input. In day 4 now and about to take my pre med for tomorrow, this means I can't drink tonight or tomorrow which will take me to sat day 6 and the longest I've perhaps ever went non pregnant so this is progress, it's all going quite well except the highly disturbing fact that I'm not getting on with dh, the more
I listen to him and look at him I fear we don't really have much in common, being consistently tipsy when he is here in evening has maybe made me see things differently. This is worrying me x x x

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Clutter - you awesome babe you! Well bloody done!!!! That's great news! See, sometimes you just have to step away from the whirling emotions just a teeeeny bit and let fate take it's course. xx I'm so pleased for you, can you tell?

RE DD and the 2 week grounding, I agree that is a bit on the extreme side given that she was only late for school once and didn't rob a bank! Let her go to the party, explain to her why DH went bananas, truancy issues and parents being accountable, her school record etc and leave it at that.

Then tell DH why you think he was too severe. Was it a knee jerk reaction do you think in the heat of the moment? DH always says the same with me and DD, she's not his by blood and I sometimes think that he will see that as a reason to say I'm taking her side which I understand but it's not the case, we just parent differently.....

Angel - Well ALL have our personal problems. mine are mine and yours are yours, they are just as important, regardless of their scale

I get Memo too! although I've added Nemo to my dictionary now so it's ok..... and thank you, he is kinda special to us, he's fought awfully hard to keep his place in the sunshine here, next to us. We're very lucky and even on the most testing of days, when it's just me that he wants 24/7 and all I want to do is cry with my pain, I am still glad that he's here, wanting to play, be happy and a 'normal' little boy IYSWIM?

You say about avoiding the fridge, it that because there is wine in there? Can you not hide it, give it to close friend to hide? Or just get rid of it? See, for me, if it's there, it is easier for me to drink it.

DH loves red but as the Spring months creep nearer, and the days become a little sunnier, I tend to crave a crisp, dry white. Ice cold, so a blast in the freezer, but if we don't have any, I will not go out and buy any now.

Remove the temptation until you are at such a point when you are going to 'allow' yourself that one glass, and when you do, get a miniature bottle from a supermarket. JUST ONE.

Maybe start by weaning off alcohol if you're drinking every day still? YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO DO THIS or you WILL put your LIFE AT RISK. Seriously, you really will. Your body is terribly weak and you need to be ever so brave right now and see the severity of your situation. Please? xx

Purple - your post brought tears to my eyes. To think that you feel this Bus is worthy of your trust and your complete honesty is amazing. It really is. I keep it going because I want people to try to stop drinking and I want them to have a non biased, 'were all in this together' type of place where we can be selfish and post about ourselves and no-one will bat an eyelid because we've all been there or are there.

It's great that you can trust us enough, just enough to let things out into the open. I bet there are some out there lurking and think I can't post because it's a me me me post....... but you can and we do because MIL, work, relationships, life, love and laundry are the things that drive us to our lows and make us vulnerable in the first place.

So, what is a HUGE scale drama for you, might be a small shut the feck up drama for me and vice versa. That's why the Bus has such a great balance..... not one of us is the same, we're all here together, we're all here for the same reasons, and we're all here because we want to be.

Yes, we have Babes who dip in and out and then we have me! The saddo with no life who's here all of the time! It doesn't matter how long you're gone if you come back, and that's great too! Babes old or new just taking a seat and joining in, or just sitting and listening to the ladies on the Bus go chatter, chatter, chatter!

Yes, where are you Koala, Koti, (Greeny was here yesterday or the day before I think?) but any others we've not heard from in a while?

IsinDe - please come and post, we need an update on those gorgeous girls of yours!! xx

Enough of my waffle. Hope everyone is okay?

JWN - how are you feeling now? Are things starting to look more like they have for the past two+ years? Thinking of you xx

Congratulations on the new job, Clutter! That is great news, has really put a smile on my face.
Purple, great to hear from you.
babyjane, good luck with everything.

Clutter, I am dreading the teenage dd years. I was horrific. Utterly vile. I deserve it all back, and when it comes, will I know what to do? I still sympathise with my (horribly self-centred) teenage self, because I was horribly miserable, but I also recognise what a cow I was. So I have no advice but I would say that often with things like this, people are feeling their way and there are reasons why a person might cut more slack at some times than others.... and it can be no help when the less-present parent storms in and decides to get all Cpt Von Trapp on everyone's arse. (I have been that person... dp was a sahd for a while last year and I would come in and decide that no one should be eating in the sitting room wtihout understand that that was a carefully negotiated bowl of grapes that was actually conciatorally solving a bigger toddler problem - I get it now and I don't do that)
What we do though is we do back each other up "on stage" even if behind the scenes one of us says, "do we really have to do that?". but that is only possible because neither of us is outrageously unreasonable.

Here is a possible compromise (sorry if this is clueless and I am talking out of my arse): can you and dh sit down with dd, present a united front, and offer her a very easy, very possible way for her to earn back the night out for her friend's birthday?

Well babes Im not allowed to eat a morsel today. Only clear fluids all day and night and nothing at all after 10 pm til after the procedure all the while taking enough laxatives to make an elephant empty it's bowels, can't even leave the house and I'm here on my own, could be a very long day!!!! On the up side would be much worse with a hangover or that post bottle groggy feeling and expecting significant weight loss even if only for a day x x x x

morning! yes thanks mouse, im feeling back to my old self! got my usual 'loadsa stuff' going on - got a new sideline going on, have invested in a 'boutique' ooooo get me! run by a lady i met a while ago, she is very interesting and has a very quirky style, looking forward to seeing how it goes!

thinking about dh and dd when she was a teenager - there were many times when i think he totally overreacted, would shout and bawl and the smallest thing could turn into ww3, looking at it from a distance i can see why it happened sometimes - he was scared! he was soo frightened for her, didnt understand how raging hormones were taking over, didnt understand the importance of friends and i honestly believe he was scared he was loosing her and couldnt articulate those feelings (i think his upbringing was very anally retentive and fairly cold) - i dont mean to make sweeping statements but i think mens reactions to their daughters growing up seems to be fairly 'samey' ime in our group of friends, all with dds the same age, this kind of thing of was pretty standard behaviour, all i can say really is that it will get better and they do regain the relationship with their dds!

btw - many congrats clutter!!

Hi all well I managed from mon till wed! not brill. last night had a few not many but still not good. I dont think that being of work and the school hols are helping .
Totally determined today though .
One thing that has worried me is the slight nagging pain I ve had in the stomach/liver area! It comes and goes. Not got it now but did after the weekend white wine session. Would be interested to find out my Lft's.. Wouldnt want to go through my doc though may go private - thats going to be costly isnt it.
Sending good vibes to all you brave babes. xx

Congratulations clutter! Somebody mentioned on here about how it would feel to start a job, and your new colleagues would only know you as a sober person. The other person is in the past...

purple what do you think might happen if you started to let it all out? Would you feel like you were losing control, or maybe it would bring up issues you don't feel ready to think about?

Thank goodness my dds are past the teenage phase - it was such a time of ups and downs with a grown-up wonderful sense of humour one moment, and stupid door-slamming tantrums the next, all interspersed with hours of introspection in my bedroom. And as for dd......

Dp and I had very different interaction with dds. Dp had a very 'sheltered' upbringing (think lots of physics homework, going to the library, and healthy activity with his friends) whereas I was much more of a party girl. So he had low tolerance of the dds having boyfriends, going to parties, wearing make up. Whereas I would be wound up so easily by rudeness or a curled-lip, or sulking and dp was much, much better at diffusing all of that - getting dd2 to play table-tennis, and sharing dd1's passion for loud rock.

My own parents were congratulating themselves recently on their upbringing of me and dsis - no need of 'parenting' advice for them. Yeah, so that's why there were ridiculously high expectations of us both, and neither of us were praised for anything (and yes we are now both relentless over-achievers with low self-esteem); that's why we were never allowed to disagree with what our parents said or have our own opinion (and yes I am a people-pleaser who agrees far too readily with others); that's why my parents were so ridiculously strict about going to parties/boyfriends that I lied to them and ended up walking home alone in the middle of the night, and why my sister was too scared to go on the pill and had an abortion .

Morning All!

Day 3. I shall not be drinking tonight.

clutter oh well done you! On the DH/DD subject, I had a very Victorian father. My Mum was much younger. I was repeatedly grounded during my teens for the most minor infractions (10 minutes late home, with genuine reasons, that sort of thing). My Dad was terrified I think. I agree with curryeater, I think your DD could earn her evening out if you and your DH negotiate it. I think that Dads come down so much harder on daughters than on sons. It really doesn't seem very fair though.

My DS (15) has an attitude all some of the time. It does my head in.

emin did you get that essary done?
determined how's your brother doing?
purple keep posting, keep talking....
mouse ah, that's a shame about the CO. What a pain.

(((venus)))
all sounds very familiar.

I compare (in my head obv - no one to talk to) my mother's parenting to my own attempts at packing light. She says "all I care about is that you are healthy and happy" but actually she is so concerned about all the other stuff that she does not "officially" care about that "healthy and happy" get completely lost. You can't find them under the speaking properly, good exam results, not being fat, wearing the right things, being polite, going to mass, slip not showing, bra strap not showing, oh yes did I mention the exams, thank you letters, being good at mass, THE BLOODY EXAMS.....

My mum is very nice to other people and is known as a lovely warm person. but she cares about me too much, so I am not allowed any of this famous warmth and acceptance. If she loved me a little less maybe she would have been as nice to me as to my friends.
She is nice to me now but still drives me to drink!

venue curryeater it's funny (not) how many of us on this thread have "mother" issues.....

My 13 year old has tantrums in her room my 2 year old has tantrums in her room, my dh has tantrums everywhere and I drink (drank) my body weight in wine, sound familiar!!!! X

Brilliant news clutter So good to be starting something new when you are becoming 'new' too purple, as has been said, we all know that feeling. I am now smoking again , and hating myself for it and hiding it and generally pissed off. I will stop today before i go home, but I know that awful 'I am a bright, intelligent person who knows that this is a bloody stupid thing to be doing - wtf is going on in my head?!' conversation to muself! I wish I knew the final answer though.. Feeling a bit down and despondant today but will snap up. Hope everyone is ok.