The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

Hi Venus, nope sure not you! Glad your feeling happy & the sun is shining! I'm in Scotland & it's bloody freezing & snowing, poor wee spring flowers don't stand a chance!
It's my dh's B'day today & mine tomorrow. I've not drank for almost 6 weeks & today the urge is so so strong. My childminder gave me a bottle of champagne & my in-laws popped over. Have manage to resist but can't stop thinking about it.
I keep thinking...think of tomorrow, tomorrow I want to wake up on my b'day feeling like shit.
It feels like cause it's mine & dh's B'days I should be having a drink cause that's we do
Going to try to resist & enjoy waking up tomorrow without headache.
How are all babes doing? X

Don't want to wake up feeling like shit!

ohclutter how are you doing? Are you going for total abstinence? You've been doing so well, what do you want to do? (Big picture not this second)

Oh lemony of COURSE you haven't caused any offence.yes, it is dd who is struggling. I picked her up today and we chatted. She sent dh a text saying she felt she wasn't welcome at home, that she was being bullied by dh etc and she wasn't in a position yet to forgive and forget.
On another note, dh has been back to doctor. He is now on prozac and has agreed to go for counselling on his own first, and then together if I agree. Dd is home tonight. She read me put a message she got from the mum of her friend Nick. Dd loves Nick as a bestie - they aren't an item - and loves his family.she phoned Nick who is away at uni, the night she left. Nick told his mum and she sent the most beautiful message to dd saying she understood and not to feel to blame, and that there was always a place for her with them, that she would always be welcome and had a place with them etc. I cried. What must she think of me as a mother that I allow this to hhappen?That I allow another mother to pick up the pieces?
I am so ashamed.

No matter how hard we try ma, sometimes another person, the right person, can help more in a difficult situation. They are emotionally uninvolved and hold no allegiance to any one person. They can be supportive without compromising themselves.

This is why we all need to surround oursleves with supportive family and friends. They are a protective shield and a healing salve. It doesn't, for one moment, mean that you have let her down. In fact, by allowing her to lean on others as well as you, you are demonstrating immense love and empathy and being a fantastic role model.

x

Oh faire thank you. But I feel awful. Should I contact Nick's Mum and explain? We have never met and I worry she thinks I am awful for putting dd through all this. Dd should be at home here, safe here, wanted here. Not in some stranger's home. Nicks mum said dd can come any time, even when Nick isn't there, that she can stay, relax, have some personal space, a glass of wine, a shoulder to cry on. So kind, so compassionate, and I feel the love for dd from Nick's family. But it should be HERE. I should be able to offer her that. Nicks mum must be wondering, what the fuck is this girls mother doing to allow this to happen? I am embarrassed.

Contact her if you want to, if it puts your mind at rest. You could just say that you really appreciate your dd having someone else as extra support as your family is going through a period of change.

Everything is so uncertain at the moment but you might find it helpful to start telling people in rl just a little of what's going on. You might find it lifts some of the weight from your shoulders.

Oh, by the way ma, I meant to ask, how did it go last night. Did you have a good evening with your friend?

Oh faireyes. We had dinner and a huge hug, and today when we said goodbye he just wrapped me in his arms and hugged me and said he was there for me. I love him SO much, in a good and positive way. I was so happy to see him. He gives me strength and laughter and a " you can do it" feeling. He calls me "lovely girl" and I feel so....I don't know...loved...when I am with him. That sounds really corny.

Hey lovelygirl, perhaps you just forgot what it feels like to be loved, cherished, admired, respected, appreciated? There is a whole future out there for you, who knows what it holds. Yes, it's scary and uncertain but it's life and you have your wonderful girls and your son who will grow into a lovely young man. It won't always be this hard ma. He's right, you can do it x

Ma - I agree, talk to Nick's mum, she sounds lovely and could be a really great source of support in RL just now. She won't and hasn't judged you, she cares.

I'm glad DH has gone to the GP.

I'm glad that DD is home.

I'm glad that you are posting and are safe, at home, for now.

I'm glad dinner went well. I'm glad that your friend saved your soul last night and that he stopped the hurt and pain for a short while.

I'm glad you love him and so you should.

Take good care, sorry not to have been around. Drama and Nemo to tend with today.

Night Brave babes, be back tomorrow to explain more.

Ma - stay safe. Prozac is a starting point, and the weapon of choice as a blanket AD, and the counselling too.....

Be safe, be strong and be YOU. xxxxx

Faire - fantastic posts and support to Ma xx

I don't normally post on here, but have lurked on your thread for a long time. In fact, through this thread I have managed to radically reduce my drinking and now only drink at weekends. I am frequently in awe of your love and wisdom towards each other. I am moved to post for Ma - two things - one of which is for your DD. I have been the other parent you mention - frequently close to my children's partners and have sent texts similar to that which you talked about (and actually it has made me think about being more careful as I'd be mortified if I thought the mother might feel like that). I've always felt like I was a bit of a vent for them, particularly if they were having tough times at home, but always hoped to stay on the right side of the fence, as I think Nick's mother has done. She will not think badly of you but will just be glad to be there for your DD. Secondly, I've watched your battles at home. I too have been where you are and I just want to give you a hug and say don't be scared of what happens next. I left a hard relationship and like you, thought I was breaking my childrens hearts. I didn't, they have a great relationship with their dad and I met a wonderful man (15 years and counting). Please be brave - this may be damaging your children more than you think and you deserve so much more
Love and hugs

Thank you all. I do hugely appreciate what Nicks mum is doing - hugely. But it hurts knowing that dd has to turn to someone else's mum for refuge, for solace, for safety. God knows whats she must think of us. I imagine her snuggled up at night with her dh saying " what the hell are determined child's parent s playing at? Doesn't her mother care how much she hurts?"
And despising me for my weakness

Ma, my Lovely, this woman has shown tact, kindness, sympathy and support for your DD. Someone with those qualities isn't likely to be thinking badly of you. She's a Mum, too and since her DS is at Uni, she will have gone through difficult times too - not, maybe the same as you but doubt-filled times, nonetheless. I agree that having a chat with her would be a good idea - especially if she's someone who your DD will spend a bit of time with. For what it's worth, I would wait for a moment in your day that you are feeling a little bit stronger. If you're anything like me, you may well just blub if you are feeling in a very vulnerable condition. Huge hugs. You are a caring, loving, wonderful Mum who is coping with such a lot of crap just now. Be kind to yourself - we all would if we were there with you. xxxxxxxx

Purple speaks huge amounts of sense. An outside perspective can help and I know you would do the same for one of your DD's friends without being judgemental. Don't be hard on yourself, you are working through tough times. It WILL get better...

Morning Babes, how is everyone doing?
Green, I've been doing dry January & so far so good & reading Allen Carr which is really about complete abstinence.
I would like to be able to have a few drinks, enjoy that feeling & stop there. I have shown myself time & time again that after a few drinks I can't stop though. So I'm not 100% what I want to do. I love the feeling of being alcohol free but feel nervous going to things and saying I don't drink...silly huh! Like I would have a drink to please others yet not sure it's what I want
Isinde so hear what your saying. I was a step-daughter & my dh is my dd's step-father.
I always remember whenever my step-fathers own children came over he was a different man then when they went he would be horrible to me & my brother again!
Hugs babes for those in need xx

Meant to say dry lent

Morning ohclutter and Happy Birthday! Did you drink the champagne or are you bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning? What's the plan for later?

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Ma - I VERY MUCH doubt that Nick's mother is sat with her DH saying anything of the sort. I should imagine that she feels HUGE compassion towards you and what you are going through. NONE of this is your fault, I hope you know that. Nor DDs. It's happened because sometimes in families, things just fall apart. Relationships breakdown, things build up, feelings get hurt, words are thrown at one another, nasty jibes made, emotions run high and at some point, it's easier to say actually, I'm just too tired to try and unravel this mess. I don't want to try and find the end of the thread, where it all began to try and save what little there might be left.

From what you've said recently and in the past, you don't love DH, you tolerate him at best. You can't forgive his behaviour because you need to hold onto that anger to keep your resolve to leave intact. I can understand that. You don't want to hurt anyone though, that's not who you are.

Whether you leave now or in a year, two, seven is up to you. But you will leave him/he'll go. Regardless of him taking Prozac, any counselling he attends etc, the relationship you had many moons ago will never be again and if you're honest, I bet you're glad.

You've said the thought of him touching you repulses you. You can't bear the physical contact anymore. That's something I can relate to for sure. It's like someone flicks a switch and your emotions change from love to hate, such a strong word but true. You start to pick at things, and he's doing the same with you. Starting fights just because he can. Going for DD because he knows that you will protect her as is your right as her mother.

How are things today? Keep posting Ma, we're all caring about you and want to know you're safe xxxxx

Clutter - :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU LOVELY LADY :) I hope you have a wonderful day xxx

We have so much snow here, (a good 10cm, with more on the way, blizzards too so DH will have to carry Nemo to school as his wheelchair doesn't go through the snow, it just slides!) all schools are closed but I'm not sure if Nemo's is, he's going if it's open as it's only a half day today. He's still a bit snotty but much better.

Best go and get showered and sorted out. Be back later on today lovely Brave Babes. Keep posting those who are struggling. xx

Morning Green & thank you! Nope managed to abstain, think was my mil went it was easier as that's normally a trigger point. Myself & dh got cinema vouchers & gift card for Tgi Fridays for Christmas so going to do that tonight & tomorrow for lunch.
Going to not drink. Want to complete dry Lent & don't want to be hungover tomorrow x

Aw thank you lovely mouse Hope Nemo gets in for his half day & gla he's feeling a little better xx