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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Wondering Where The Spring For Their Boing Is!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Sun 24-Mar-13 12:23:14

Hi I'm Mouse

One of the Brave Babes on the Bus, a Bus full of different posters, some who drink more than they'd like to and are trying to stop, some who don't drink at all now, and some who are somewhere in the middle. smile

There's no judging here, no finger pointing, no rejection, just pure, unconditional, (occasionally tough), love and empathy.

We all share stories of how we got here, to have our seat on the Bus, looking for our own personal sobriety, our own personal happiness. Sometimes we talk about other things too, you know, like cake, cheese wink and even day to day life, life that can lead us to breaking point......... lead us to hit rock bottom.

So, why not come say hi, take a seat, post, lurk, whatever suits you smile

This is our latest journey with a link to others

And this is the reason we're ALL here, the first ever thread

Hope to see you soon smile

determinedma Sun 24-Mar-13 13:52:12

wa hay - first to bag a seat grin
goes back to old thread before mouse finds out

PurpleWolfe Sun 24-Mar-13 21:26:51

You are sooo naughty Ma! You is going to be in biiig trouble when Mouse finds out!! xx

kateissotired Sun 24-Mar-13 22:22:28

Hello all, I think this is the thread for me right now. I have lost a relationship because of my drinking, and I have just lost a friend because of it too. Feel utterly ashamed. I am just been looking for local meetings.

PurpleWolfe Sun 24-Mar-13 23:06:01

Katie You are in the right place for support, empathy and advice. The old thread still has 20 odd post to go before everyone jumps on here so, either sit tight and wait or re-post your message on the old thread (Marvellous Mouse is very strict with us all!). Everyone will be on here sometime tomorrow.

So sad to hear you've lost relationships because of the evil that is 'booze'. Want to tell us more? Are you drinking every day or a binge drinker? No one will judge you on here, you are safe to tell us anything. xxxx

PurpleWolfe Sun 24-Mar-13 23:09:41

( Ma Can you write me a 'Please excuse Purple, she had to post early on the new thread because she couldn't help herself' note for Mouse pleeeeease? She'll listen to you!)

venusandmars Mon 25-Mar-13 07:56:12

ma and purple you were very naughty posting on here, but I've filled up the old thread now, so we're all ready to go with this one...

kate welcome (and you're forgiven for posting here early - especially since you went back to the other thread too). How are you feeling this morning? What plans and support have you got for today?

PurpleWolfe Mon 25-Mar-13 08:02:00

Sad to see Gazza being 'trotted out' for our 'entertainment' on Daybreak this morning. Poor bloke. sad

guggenheim Mon 25-Mar-13 10:36:58

Morning lovely babes,

My agency haven't called and I'm having a much needed DAY OFF! all by myself, no children,no dh, just me grin I love teaching but there are times when 30 naughty reception infants can drive a woman to think long and hard about the wine section at sainsbos.(I don't actually go there, just think about it these days)

Morning all!

katie you are one awesome babe, you clearly want to get well and kick the booze- well done. As for your friend, she may be angry with you now but with time she may (just may) feel ready to be friendly again. Enjoy the meeting, hope you find lots of support.

aliasjoey Mon 25-Mar-13 10:59:18

oh HERE you all are. I thought the Bus had left without me.

privatepurple I'm confused you said you had 3 kids, two wee boys and an 11-year-old girl

But then you said your 'eldest son aged 31' ??? <frantically trying to read back and make sure I haven't missed any posts>

And by the way, I did NOT eat the green Opal Fruits! That is a scurrilous LIE posted by Someone With a Guilty Conscience (*ma*)

Lemonylemon Mon 25-Mar-13 11:11:28

Morning All!

Well, is the sidecar going to be big enough for us all? My big bum keeps being shoved here, there, everywhere grin

Purps Coming to terms with parental failure is a big thing. You end up grieving what you should have had, and for what you did have. I haven't had hugs from my mum since I was 12 months old. In fact, and I'm really, really ashamed to say this, but I have problems with her now. I don't want to kiss her. I didn't want to deal with the mess that is her alcoholism.

She's now dry, but takes a multitude of tablets and really, I can't have a decent conversation with her anymore, and to be honest, I have a very tough time reconciling all that with the person that I think I am.

As I've mentioned before, it would seem that an awful lot of us on this thread have/had relationship problems with our parents. It just seems to be a common denominator.... sad

ma Glad your DD is ok.

Welcome katie

<<Waves to everyone else>>

curryeater Mon 25-Mar-13 11:20:16

Hi Katie, welcome
Hello everyone else.

Not good last night: drank a lot. Probably about 18 units total last week which is really sliding out of control again.
No hangovers, no stupid arguments, but god I need to pull this back into line.

guggenheim Mon 25-Mar-13 11:21:10

(whispers. It was joey, y'know what ate all them green ones)

'lo there lemony The weird thing about bumpy childhoods is how hard it is to move on from, I'm in my 40's, obvs I only look 21, and I still dwell on it.I do feel that I'll be able to move on from it when I'm sober a little longer.Yes, an alkie parent is a very 'special' kind of bumpy. Rather like being caught between a rock and a hard place, alcohol was a bad influence in my childhood but I've ended up with a drink problem as an adult. Hmm.. not a cycle I want to continue with. smile

kateissotired Mon 25-Mar-13 11:23:53

Hello all, thank you for the welcomes. I have got the week off work which I am not sure is the best idea right now, but I am planning to do a bit of pampering and trying not to panic. I have a friend coming over later and we are going to choose a meeting to go to (she already goes to a couple a week). I live with the good friend and his gf and they are blanking me. I think a fresh start might be needed, a move up North to be near my parents or something.

venusandmars Mon 25-Mar-13 11:56:21

A fresh start can sound like a nice idea, but it may also leave you lonely at a time when you need people around you.

That's tough about your good friend and his gf, and it seems unkind and not very supportive, but I also know that my family and friends had heard me over and over and over again say that I was going to stop / cut down / whatever. The only way to demonstrate that you're determined to change is to get on with it. If they won't speak could you write them a note acknowledging how bad things had got, and telling them what you're doing to sort out your alcohol problem?

PurpleWolfe Mon 25-Mar-13 12:16:38

Morning all. smile

Yes, Joey I have an older son. It's not a happy story. I left his Dad when he was 3 (I was 23) and ended up in a tiny hamlet in very Welsh Wales. We weren't wanted in the hamlet and the general consensus was the council house should have got to a local Welsh person. Since my father lived in the county, this was the authority that had 'responsibility' for rehousing me. I suffered quite badly from depression and things weren't great. Strangely enough, wine wasn't a problem then. Anyway, we muddled on until I got a council house exchange. A mother and her grown up son had 'The Good Life' visions of living in Wales and wanted my house and half acre garden (I used to 'foster' a local farmer's sheep (and rams in the winter) just to keep the feckin' grass down). They had a flat in Aylesbury. I agreed to the swap without even seeing it - I was that desperate to get away! (They contacted me six months later wanting to swap back! No way!)

Turned out to be a fab flat, first place that ever felt like home to me. My son, however, got increasingly more difficult to cope with as he hit puberty. I tried so bloody hard to get some help. A friend, who had been through similar with her son, said the only time anyone would listen was after the police had got involved. She was right. After he got caught nicking silly stuff from WH Smiths, we had 'family' counselling for 2 years. Didn't help. One particular day, after he was threatening to run off again, I sat against the front door because that was the only way to stop him and keep him safe. I could hear him totally trashing his bedroom. I rang the doctors. What did I think he would do? I don't know, maybe some sort of injection, something, anything! He said he'd contact the families liaison people and they'd 'be in touch'. By this age he was taller than me, he would refuse to shower, stand in doorways and not let me pass, run out the door and not return until the police brought him back. One day, aged 14, he came home and I had to take him to task about a problem to do with money. He just wouldn't speak to me. In the end, he phoned his Dad (who hadn't bothered with him for years) and said he wanted to go and live with him in Portsmouth. We all thought he would be gone for a week and then come home - but, no. Looking back, I suffered a sort of break down. It was the worst thing for my son. Firstly, as he fell out with his Dad almost straight away, he was in a children's home (he was adamant that he didn't want to come back to me) and then he ended up in assisted housing, got arrested for being caught in a stolen car and the list goes on. I tried so hard to keep contact with him. I would phone every week and every week he refused to talk to me (he's since apologised for that but at least he knew I was trying). I'm totally convinced that he had been suffering from depression from quite early on - about 12, I think, but I couldn't get anyone to listen to me. During this time I travelled the 200 odd miles to attend social services meetings about him - every time.

The phone call from the police about the stolen car issue had me in the car and heading for Portsmouth with XP driving. We scooped him up, paid his over-due expenses and brought him back to live with us. Bought him clothes, fed him up, helped him sort benefits, job interviews etc. It was fine for a few weeks then he started getting up later, leaving his room a tip, staying up 'til all hours. He was offered a job on the local newspaper - we had a special dinner, so pleased! He turned up on Day 1 and told them that 'it wasn't for him'. Then, the police came round. He was arrested for causing criminal damage to one of our neighbours front door. I was in bits. I'd never been 'that side' of a police station before. Had to watch as he had his finger prints taken. The police officers were so nice to me. I was bewildered.

Since all this, I've tried to be there, even visited him in prison. (something else to do with a stolen car but, as he was over 18 at the time nobody would tell me exactly what it was about) which was possibly the most degrading thing I have ever done. I felt like a criminal myself. Had him and his girlfriend to stay ('the weekend' turned into 3 weeks!) after they both got kicked out because he was found in bed with one of the employees (this girl) of the sheltered housing he was living in. She was a couple of years older. Then found out he'd been lying and still had his room waiting for him, it was only her who was chucked out. Bailed him out, listened to phone calls at 3am etc. Tried to encourage him to get some help.

Loads of other stuff,court summons, bailiffs (for him!), letters from ex-girlfriends, goodness knows how many grandchildren. Feel guilty as hell about it all. I tried so hard. This was the most important job of my life - and I fucked up. He tells me he's been diagnosed with Bi-polar. I don't know what to believe any more. I can only hope he's getting the proper care. Sporadic contact from him, at best, right now.

There I go again, me, me, me. Sorry. xx

Lemony I can't watch anything with Dad's 'being there' or hugging daughters. x

PurpleWolfe Mon 25-Mar-13 12:21:45

(Just re-read, sorry, my post is a little jumbled. x)

kateissotired Mon 25-Mar-13 13:02:48

Thank you venus, I did write a text and he has not replied so I think you are right, the next step is to actually do it. I am worried that news of this will get out to all my friends and they will all start to blank me. They all know I drink too much, I am always the one who goes a bit too far etc and ends up making a fool of herself and then feeling shamed and anxious for the next two days

determinedma Mon 25-Mar-13 13:08:50

Oh purple what a lot you have had to deal with in life. My heart goes out to you, and my admiration for your bravery at putting it down here. i wish I could give you a great big hug and bear the burden a wee while for you.
I can't bear the ad - for a car I think - with the dad and daughter and the daughter is going away to university. Makes me weep.
It sounds as if there is nothing more you can do for your son, other than keep the channel of communication open as best you can.
Here, have a green Opal Fruit. I keep a secret stash so joey cant get them

Lemonylemon Mon 25-Mar-13 13:11:15

Purps YOU DID NOT FUCK UP. It's all nature v nurture. Your DS sounds a bit like mine. You end up banging your head against a brick wall. All you can do is be there for them. In the end, they are responsible for their lives.

HUG {{{{HUGS}}}} for you. You've really, really been up against it.

babyjane1 Mon 25-Mar-13 13:14:40

Hi babes I'm back, purple I wish I could give you a big hug right now, you are so nice and yet life has put you through so much shit. I have been absent because I had a mini nervous breakdown, won't go into detail but had a few very dark weeks. I have been drinking stupid amounts but I know now I have to stop, my 13 year old dd looks at me with disappointment and my 2 year old deserves better. My
Family and friends are worried sick about me and they deserve
Better too. So here I am again and I hope you will support me on what I hope will be the time I batter the wine witches head in for the last time x x

Lemonylemon Mon 25-Mar-13 13:39:25

baby Good to see you back. Not so good that you've been having a really hard time. Is there anything we can help with? xx

PurpleWolfe Mon 25-Mar-13 13:43:21

Ma, Lemony and Baby Thank you. I'm in tears just now but it's just because I've never found this level of understanding and support before. I hesitated before posting about DS. I didn't want you all to feel badly of me.

Ma I know the ad you are talking about and yes, bloody gets to me every time. Every girl (and boy, but, somehow more so daughters) should have a Dad that is there for her, to scoop her up when things are shit, to tell her she is loved when she feels the world is against her, to be her protector. The only positive side is that I appear to accidentally have chosen a Dad for my daughter that will do just that for her. Thank you for the hugs. <ommmm nommm nommm. Green Opal Fruits! Such a treat! Pokes tongues out at Joey in a nice way!>

Lemony Thank you so much for the hugs. I appreciate it so much. How old is your DS? The few friends that know about this have said that he is old enough to be responsible for his own life/choices now. But it's hard not to feel guilty.

Baby Glad to see you back and thanks for the hugs. Stay with us Lovely. Tell us about your mini breakdown? Of course we'll support you, you Goose! xx

I've just sent DS yet another message on FB. I can't, unfortunately, trust him with my address right now. He got caught on a train without a ticket and gave them my old address (that he's never lived at) as his address so the court summons and bailiffs turned up at my door (before I moved). He has my mobile number but I don't want to give him my land-line because he's called, drunk or on some other substance, at crazy times and woken everyone up and denied he's called me the next day (despite leaving a message saying it was him!) I wish I could do something better for him. He's like a lost soul. sad

Lemonylemon Mon 25-Mar-13 13:51:36

Purps My son is 15, nearly 16. He's not yet on the "naughty boy list". He does the blocking of doorways, smoking, lying, stealing money from me etc. At heart he's a good boy, as yours is. I've brought him up to have standards etc. but you know, at the end of it all, you can lead a horse to water.... I just don't know the reasons why it happens. I think that maybe they just can't deal with their emotions.

So sorry to hear that your son is just that little more lost..... x

PurpleWolfe Mon 25-Mar-13 14:05:28

Thanks Lemony. The blocking the doorway stuff is so aggressive, don't you think? They get to a size where you can't pick them up and move them physically and they figure it out. I felt I was being bullied - and I'm no shrinking violet. He/we desperately needed proper help and support - but couldn't get it. And, yes, had the lying, stealing, smoking stuff too. If he ever went round anyone's house they were always so impressed at how well behaved, polite and helpful he was. Tell me to 'mind my own' but do you have a DH/DP? I think DS seriously missed having a good male role model. xx

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