The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

Happy st paddys everyone! I just cycled to gym did an hours work out and swim then got soaked on way home! Unfortunately ive gone back to bad ww habits this weekend and going to try geting back on track tomorrow. Read acarr again yesterday and still had bottle of wine and - randomly 6 !! Walnut whirls!! Whats that all about?? I feel I can get back in control though.

Hi all. Back to the silent treatment here...-wont take much more before I press the red button and blow this marriage to smithereens.if he would even talk about it rather than practically quivering with pent up rage and frustration...-
Ds wanted out of the house today and to go to a castle. Cue the three of us in the freezing wind and driving rain, Ds chattering desperately in an effort to be enjoying himself while his pinched-faced, tight lipped parents stood miles apart, hunched against the weather and the misery of it all. Its not fair to Ds but I just don't know what to do. And the first person who tells me to just leave is going to get slapped with Barry.
Where IS Barry by the way?

Seems old Bazza has been drinking the booze that others who haven't left behind

Ma - I want to scream "DO IT!!!" and you know how I feel, you've known from the start of this. You will always, always have my (and others I dare say) full support with this, no matter what you choose and if you needed help in anyway, I'd be there (again, as would many others) to help you through.

I need to go eat.... DH has cooked, back soon xxxx

MA, Not going to say it. I know nothing of your situation only that you are struggling & I can emphasise with that. Sending you lots of virtual support & wish you could find a way to make your situation more manageable. Don't fancy being hit by a drunk squid!

Hi all
just checking in,
welcome sunny

hope you all had a good weekend
happy feast day

Morning babes!
I've not drunk now for over 5 weeks so why do I still feel so tired on a Monday morning!
Suppose tho had I drunk I would feel a million times worse
Wishing everyone a good day xx

Well done clutter - fellow little boy mummy here who gets up between 5 and 6 by the way. Last night we put him to bed at almost 9pm and he was up at 6.20 I guess he just doesn't need that much sleep. He will also ONLY have me in the morning and screams the house down when Daddy tries to take him downstairs so I feel your pain Mouse I barely ever get a lie in. He is almost 4 and has never slept well. Sigh it will get easier one day!

Side car for me last night but back in the bus today - I've stopped the meds so that's six weeks of side effects wasted :( I have to try all options to sort my mouth out as the pain and taste are making me want to jump off a cliff at the moment. I'm really not good at dealing with it. Dear Mouse how do you cope with your pain?

So back to square one on the ADHD front, so sad, I saw a silver lining and it has been pulled from under me :(. On the plus side hopefully I'll feel my old self again soon (even if it is crazy) and not like I've had a lobotomy :)

Really struggling to feel the love for DH at the moment and wondering if we should go to counseling. I don't want to break up our family :( It's bizarre how you can feel so lonely when you live with someone....

So that's me, skint, sick, tired and miserable - What a joy I must be to be around - sorry for wallowing babes, hopefully I'll get out of my funk soon, I don't think the Weather helps!

Guggs Hope your AA meeting went well.

Love and strength to all - Have a good week xx

--Bus calling Purple --Come in Purple

morning babes. Still not drinking today, STILL got this sodding cold.

Getting very pissed off (with being unable to shake off the cold, not because I can't drink!)

Sending out an all-points-alert for purple. Sounds klaxon. Initiating emergency protocol. Dons search-and-rescue equipment.

Sorry you are poorly Joey it sucks feeling like crap x

Thanks Green, Joey, Mouse and CJ Lovelies, for your 'blues and two's' approach.

Not been a good week. Was really upset by the whole AA meeting fail. Don't understand why she didn't at least text me to let me know which room it was in, or pop out to check - I waited half an hour. Came home really dejected. Find it hard enough to trust/rely on people. Had screwed my courage up so hard. Haven't heard from her since. And I know I have to pick myself up, dust myself off etc.....but finding it really hard atm.

Added to that, I can't get anyone (RSPCA, Suffolk Animal Rescue, Dog's Trust (so far)) to help me out with the dog.

Still, Alcohol Services appt on Thursday so something to aim for. Plus, for the first time, I told someone about my 'little problem' in RL. TBH, don't think I would have if I hadn't been the worse for wear and feeling hopeless when she phoned me. She's been great. She's a tutor from my college course 2 years ago. She's a year younger than me and we got on really well. I suppose I trusted her because she's removed from my day-to-day life.

Off to get something healthy for lunch. Sorry not to read back. Hope everyone is OK? xxxxx

(Sorry about DH and illness Joey x)

greeny sorry you feel so shit at the moment. I hope things pick up for you soon. will DH agree to go to counselling with you?
Babes - I spent the morning working out finances. Option 1 is I go and rent a flat nearby until Ds is older and DH keeps the main flat.
Option 2 is the same but reversed IYSWIM. Both are affordable but only just and tight, but it could be done after May when our debt plan is over. I earn more than DH so am willing to take over more of the cost. Just having this knowledge has given me a huge sense of relief and power. I hold the cards now. I have been on the abusive relationships thread and its very useful.

I second the all out alert for purple. We have a Babe MIA. Strap yourselves in and hold on......

oh, bugger. there she is.

purple thanks for posting and updating us. AA woman sounds harsh, do you think you might give it another try? Are you going to mention it to alcohol services?

Have you tried advertising the dog as free to good home anywhere? Did you say she was a lab? If so worth getting in touch with the breed club for the area, they may have their own rescue service or her original breeder may take her back.

ma i don't know if he would go to counselling with me but even mentioning it would be like opening a huge pandorras box - don't know if I can go there. We rub along but I'm not happy, i feel unloved, over burdened and neglected, i've lost a lot if respect for him and it's all eaten away at my feelings. Do you know, I don't know how he feels. He could be perfectly happy, don't know if I can drop a bomb like this. If it turns out he's unhappy too what if it's a catalyst to him leaving - everything could implode and i may wish i'd just kept quiet.

I'm glad to hear you have options that must feel empowering xx

green I can relate to your post completely. If he leaves, would you be worse off? Do you want him to stay?

I don't want him to leave but mainly for material/domestic support reasons at the moment :(. Neither of us earn much would struggle to pay for two houses etc, don't want to blow all our worlds apart but how does one lie in the bed that one's made indefinately? (Figuratively and literally) - feels like a grim prospect. I've made my choices and want to find a better way of living with them. I do want this marraige to work.

@ Ma!

Green. Just two things. Firstly, a friend of mine told me, when I was where you are now, that I would know when 'the time was right' to leave. And she was right. Also, we had to sell our house and are both now renting. It's not where I envisaged being at 51 but at least all my bills are paid on time, the bailiff doesn't call any more and, in about 6 months, I can have the CCJ's (for the joint stuff like mortgage and council tax - that he didn't keep up with) with my name on 'satisfied'. Not ideal - but better. I had a saying that 'just because it's the right thing to do doesn't mean it's easy'.

The dog is a Giant Schnauzer. I'm nervous about advertising her as there's been a lot of news coverage of dogs being bought up and used for 'nasty things'. It seems the problem is that she's 9 years old. Everyone I've told her age to has done that 'air over the teeth' noise that the garage mechanic uses when you ask 'how much'.

I want to try AA again but need to gather my courage - and I don't want to go back to the same place so I'll need to find somewhere different.

Ma How's Richard?

Oh purple You sound much braver than me.. I adore giant schnauzers and would have her in a heartbeat if DH would let me. I've just googled giant schnauzer club and they keep a list of people wishing to rescue/Rehome so may be worth a call. So sorry you have to let her go.

Thank Green. Yes, I'm in touch with them. I just have to take a more up to date photo of her but they're doubtful about anyone wanting a 9yo- plus she's not very good with other dogs (or cats). I love dogs but, for some reason, never got nearly as close to her as my previous dog. Some of it might have been because I didn't get her 'til she was 18 months and she always preferred XP to me (even though I was the one that fed, walked and groomed her?!). Even now, when he comes round, she'll sit at his feet!! She's really quite a 'needy' dog too whereas my other dog (a Golden Retriever) was happy to lie down and relax. Libby just marches round, gets up everytime I do and stands in doorways - alot! It's not her, it's me. As for me being brave? I've been anything but recently. x

(And, no, XP won't have her, even though there's nothing really preventing him. Wouldn't even walk her when we were together )

Darn, until you said she didn't get on with other dogs I was going to volunteer my mother to take her

That's really hard about the AA meeting. I would feel exactly the same, I wouldn't even want to see that person again, it took a lot of courage to go there and you must have felt so let-down. If you're anything like me, it will have triggered feelings about not being worthy of other people's attention, thinking she didn't come and find you because you weren't worth it... those feelings (if you had them) are WRONG. The fact that she hasn't even been in touch since shows she was just being thoughtless. You deserve better support.

ma that was some tailspin! I didn't know this Bus could go that fast... why did I hear the music from 'Mission Impossible' ?

Sorry purple that's a really hard situation. Sounds like your XP is not being particularly helpful. I have a GR, he is a bloody nightmare but I've had him since a pup and he's like a son to me. Dogs are very hard work, can the DCs help out more with her for walks etc?

You are brave purple look at everything you've done and are doing. X

Thanks for the thought Joey. She was fine until a Collie went for her. Now she's nervous - making her snappy. She's brilliant with people and lovely with children.

And yes, those are exactly the feelings I had/have. Lack of self-worth is deeply entrenched so it seemed like just another confirmation.

Crazy thing is Green, XP was one of the reasons I thought a dog would be good for us. We'd both had dogs when we met. XP struggles hugely with stress/depression (and visits it on all at home! Can't talk about it, internalises all problems) and having to take the dogs out twice a day seemed to give him head space to calm down and/or work things out. Our dogs had died about 2 years before I suggested a new one. He said yes (didn't pull a sneaky on him) - then wouldn't have any responsibility for her. I am/was confused. Even now, a dog would be really good sort of therapy for him. DD takes the dog out but it's very sporadic. DSs are too young and sometimes irresponsible. I should take her out more but let her down by not doing so.

Sorry, I seem to be hogging the thread with dogs and doubts today.

Hi,
Good to see you all.
Purple, I know it's much easier said than done but try not to take the AA woman personally. We don't know anything about why she let you down (except that it was nothing to do with you, because she doesn't even know you), but we do know one thing about her - she has a drink problem. Maybe she was desperate to get into that meeting, fighting demons, and couldn't wait. Maybe she has been on a bender. Whatever happened, it wasn't about you. Shit, but not about you.

Struggling at the moment - woke up and just couldn't do a Monday - called in sick - so shit. I just couldn't do it. I feel bad for being such a loser but a lot better for a day off the treadmill (working but no one talking to me)

Anyway I have decided god loves me. I forgot a meeting today when I called in sick, and remembered about 3 hours too late. Phoned the woman in a panic (who fortunately I know well) and it turned outs he had had to cancel and I hadn't got to the email yet. Thank goodness, really didn't need that embarrassment in the office.