The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

purple well done you on the AA meeting.the RB article has really hit me hard too. So tonight, for then first time in weeks, I am not drinking. If I don't pick up, it will be OK. Just don't pick up.
curry hope you feel better soon. Its not a great time to be job hunting for something else is it?

Thanks gugg. I did actually send my CV off somewhere earlier today - don't think it is the right job for me, just hoping to put some feelers out.

I need to work on being more assertive. In the meeting they forgot to invite me to, I pointed out afterwards that the reason I wasn't invited was probably because the person in the US who called the meeting forgot about me because the notes came in someone else's name. (Also she has not met me and people you have not met are more forgettable. I am the only person in my team who has never been to the US to meet our counterparts.) The person I was talking to seemed to get it. But it was a hard thing for me to say because - I suppose because it might come out as critical; or if not, it might just highlight that I am forgettable. I kind of think that saying "I have been overlooked" all the time might make people think "Oh yes she does get left out a lot, I wonder why, I bet she is crap or maybe no one likes her".

Seriously, alcohol is really bad for me. I put a load of baby stuff on freecycle and the person who claimed it is fostering a 5 month old. That is killing me. I am in tears because some poor five month old has to have foster parents. Crazy. I have to stop thinking about it. I am sure my mood is like this because I drank too much two nights.

Huge hugs Ma. (( ))

Not picking up.....not picking up.
Have made flapjacks to keep me busy.soon be bedtime

Keep on 'not picking up' Ma! Imagine RB standing beside you, in all his tall, laconic, bad boy magnificence urging you not to pick up!? I don't normally go for bad boys but......!! xxx

Well done Ma you are doing better than me, I am a permanent side car resident at the moment. Love to all, sorry not to post much or name check at the mo, I have so mich going on at the moment, some good, some bad I'm struggling to keep up, I am reading and thinking about all you brave babes. Xx

Hey Green Did you notice me sitting next to you in the side car?

at purple. I wish he WAS here to make me laugh. Its just one day, one day of not picking up. Just one day.
The last line in his article was so sad - something like "one more day when I don't have to do it".
O
D
A
A
T

The thing that scares me Ma is that that is after his 10 years drug/alcohol free. So strange to see him at Focus 12. I was there for counselling too, but not for my own (as yet un-admitted) problem but because I was the child of an alcoholic mother. And, yes, heart rending. Would that we could all have a RB in our lives, reminding us, in his own inimitable style, how abstinence is the way to go.Bless his cotton socks. x

Evening, tis me, Mouse

I've not caught up properly..... I'm sorry

Just wanted to say that CJ is awesome and has worked INCREDIBLY hard to get to where she is today, I'm honoured to know her as a friend and I hope that you can all draw from her strength and her spirit, her bravery, her honesty and her support as you/we all continue with the journey we have ahead of us.

Purps - I saw that you were going to/have contacted AA? Sorry, I'm not 100% on what happened..... but I wanted to say that you, YOU are amazing. Look at yourself in the mirror tomorrow morning, look at your phone, read that text (you know the one) the face that looks back at you will a brighter, stronger face. A face that will change, grow, smile more......

Be YOU when you go to AA. Be open, or closed, be sad if you need to be. Think of us all. Think of YOUR CHILDREN. I'm proud of you. Keep going xxxxx

Night all, thank you for keeping this Bus alive. Today has been okay at school, Nemo's nurse has been in, she's referred him to CAHMS, I'm/we're going to get some support, some help. I need help with him. A better understanding of what to do, how to cope with his meltdowns, autism. Him.

Anyway..... love to you all. Be back tomorrow and I'll have a read back I promise. Hope you're all okay xxxx

Sorry am drinking tonight. It's been one of those days. My car wouldn't start, it cost me £100 to upgrade to homestart, and they still didn't come for 4 hours - so I couldn't go to work.

DH is in a bad mood (although that's pretty common these days ) I think he's cross because we'll have to get me a new car.

And my poor darling DD - she's still not eating properly, and DH got angry with her for not finishing her tea, I tried to explain the reason he was angry was just because we were concerned about her. But that got her worried that she might have a problem... anyway I was trying so hard to protect her, DH has disappeared upstairs, I told him to leave her alone, mothers protective instinct, apparently the dinner ladies at school have also been hassling her (basically she takes ages to eat anything cause she says she feels sick, 2 months now)

Well I only have 1 mini bottle of wine. Thank God.

Sorry mouse I cross-posted. How are you doing? Good news about Nemos nurse?

Am still holding that 'hug' Mouse and will take it with me tomorrow night. Still there, on my 'phone, undeleatable. xxx

This Bus, you lot, your support, your words, your experiences has got me to a point where I can think about trying to find help in RL. I've never been as honest as I've been on here and it has led to me searching out other 'outlets' for my problems. It has given me the strength and hope to reach out. Who know where this will go?! I may well retreat back under my alcoholic rock - but, I don't think I will - I hope I won't.

Feeling weird tonight. Emotional, vulnerable, hopeful, scared, nervous, pleased, fucking exhausted!!! Lol!

Good night my lovely, lovely fellow fighters. Sleep well. xxxx

Hi alias, have you posted about your dd before? Do you think she has an ED?

Yeah I've mentioned it before, that is always the worry isn't it especially with girls. She certainly has no issues about eating fatty foods, chocolate, sweets etc! She just hates large meals, eats really slowly. And she got so upset tonight because she couldn't eat any more and DH started getting cross...

Ma, Purple, Curry, Green, Joey and all other babes that are struggling with one thing or another, I'm here cheering for you all - wishing you well - rooting for you. That Russell Brand article was very powerful, and reading about Paul Gascoigne yesterday makes me realise that addiction is no respecter of money/position/class etc......

Keep on keeping on, you will all get to where you want to be.

Big Horsey hugs from me.....

Mouse

Thanks for the welcome . I haven't worked that hard, I've been incredibly lucky.

Good luck tomorrow, PurpleWolfe. Do your best to keep an open mind. You don't have to do anything except drink tea or coffee and listen.

Aw Curry thanks, don't feel Amazing but was just desperate for change. This bus for me has been Amazing and then with counselling and now reading Allen Carr, feel like I'm trying to come at my problem from all angles so hopefully can kick the ww into touch. I see so much more clearly now that my genetic make-up is not good at fighting the toxins in wine.

Also Curry so so hear what your saying about work. I started in a new department 18 months ago with a new boss. She expects miracles from her workers and her style of managing us is very harsh and critical yet in 1:1's can be quite nice so you feel very confused! I also had secretary's at work telling me I was so soft and not assertive so just continually felt awkward and my self-esteem was dropping daily.

I also found that when I drank at the weekend then i took everything more personally and was too sensitive and going look at the problem objectively and then I felt even more crap.

Since I've addressed my problems around alcohol and have now not had a drink for 30 days I have applied for a new job which I start in a month. A combination of not drinking and getting new post has given me the confidence to speak out more at work. I think though that knowing I'm going is what's making work seem ok iyswim?
I have always had a problem with feeling under-confident and think that's something i need to work on but know alcohol play's a big part in knocking my confidence down.
Really sorry that you had the groping experience in the bar. Without seeming rude my first thought is that this was probably just some drunken knob in the bar trying it on cause he's drunk. He would probably try it on with any female tall, short, blonde, brunette cause he was pissed and felt he was entitled to not neccessarily targeted you out because he thought you looked a soft touch...does that make sense? And sorry if that comes across as rude
Faire my dd and ds gave me a huge box of gorgeous chocolates and I must say I have been an absolute Miss Piggy about them and the box is almost gone
Purple wow, you are Amazing. You can do this and completely agree with another poster who said you have nothing to lose, an hour out of your life and if you don't like it you can choose not to go back. Agree with the admiration of RB, I met him in a pub in Edinburgh after he had done a stand up show here and got a photo with him, he was such a lovely guy and so so tall!!
Mouse glad Nemo had an ok at school and great news that CAMHS are getting involved. I work in CAMHS and from my experience where I am the service is incredibly supportive to parents so I hope that this is the experience that you have with camhs too x
Good luck all other babes, hope weather not too treacherous today x

Morning babes, can I selfishly ask for your help today. I am making myself so Ill smoking and drinking:( . I am only smoking a few cigarettes a day ( 2yesterday) and my drinking remains the same, less than half a bottle a night ( i can stop once started fortunately) but can't seem to have AF days at all at the moment. I know it doesn't sound like a big problem but I am on some new meds which give me a dry mouth, the cigarettes and alcohol are making it so much worse, my tongue, gums and roof of mouth are burning and everything tastes foul, it gets worse daily and is really miserable. Alcohol and tobacco aggravate it and I must give myself a break for my mouth to heal. (And gastritis) . I stopped smoking for eight years and only picked up again recently. Everyday starts with the best of intentions then I press the fuck it button everynight. Wish I could stop damaging myself - total lunacy

Purps, thanks for the hug, trying to get out of the side car with me today?

Sorry should have said - fancy getting out of the side car with me today? Typing from my phone, excuse errors

Hi green know this probably sounds obvious but can you try to pour old & throw away all alcohol & cigarettes so there is none in tonight. Can you do something else at the time that is your trigger time? Get yourself in a nice treat, juice wise, chocolate, magazine, bubble bath?
Probably crap advise, sorry

Thank you clutter, will remove wine. DH has also started smoking again and doesn't want to quit, i don't buy them but i know he has some in the cupboard, i just need to get through 6 till 9. Will hide from the ww in my bedroom tonight. Taking Alan Carr stop smoking to work x

You really are struggling with so much just now, aren't you Green I can't imagine how frustrating it has been for you with all the meds thing. We go to the Dr with the trust they will heal us, will know how to go about it, make us feel better but, it doesn't always work out that way.

Why do you think it's more difficult for you to have an AF day just now? Is it just the meds messing you up or the pace of life at the moment?

Joey My DD gets faddy about food sometimes and often tries to dodge breakfast. She is sometimes really slow but it's usually because she's decided she doesn't like what's been proffered (even if she's had it the week before, scoffed the whole plateful and declared it 'Delicious'!). XP will make something else for her in that situation but I won't. Sometimes the food 'thing' is to do with control? Do you think your DD might be trying to get a bit of control? I don't think most men get the emotional stuff - they seem to see things in black and white. Hope it's better today for you.

Thanks CJ, Guggs (getting my listening head on for tonight. ), Horses, Clutter (You met RB!? Lucky thing!),

Ma How are things today?

Mouse How's it going for you and Nemo today?

The AA woman who spoke to me last night has sent a text with her land line and mobile numbers and a message to phone her whenever I feel the need. Strange, I'm so chuffed that she's 'there for me' and feel privileged that she trusts me with her details but......I still can't envisage myself actually calling. That's what I need to work on I guess.

Day 11 for me today, have been waking up last few mornings with headache, think it's due to having so much on my mind and not drowning it out with wine.