The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

Hi all and happy mothers day babes! Did anyone else get wine?? Woohoo! Lol. Sorry to hear a lot of you are having very hard times....that article is fab and so true! I've never really seen it like that but also I try and look at the bigger picture which is so hard to think I know I will struggle with this for ever! I have been alcoholic since I was 17 and had spells of abstinence and then relapses it just feels like such a horrible cycle. So while a lot of people in my life know my issues and past problems I have tried to draw a line under it and carry on pretending to be what I want to be if you see what I mean? Someone who drinks for fun now and then but a good mum friend etc. I suppose due to my past there is a lot of shame to me in admitting my problem which is why I was much happier telling my dp I had been up in the nite with the shits than the truth!!0:) so although I feel I could have a glass or two tonight I can see now that it will mean a glass or three tomorrow and then a bottle Tuesday and bak to moaning in the morning! So I wil not allow myself any today unless I really just have one glass with dp which I never usually do.:/hmm I'll see also the end of his article where he wakes someone up to talk...where can I get one of them?:-)

Great post Purple, when I was younger in my yoof I used to take drugs, then when I met my dh when I was 22 we used to. Now with the responsibilities of 2 kids blah blah blah I know I can't. But I always miss it, at the time it was amazing! I have honestly wondered what would it be like to smoke crack & forget your worries & have a warm feeling cuddle you up. When I was younger I knew a few people who did smoke crack but as I felt I had an addictive personality I felt it was just too dangerous for me to try.
I so hear where Russell Brand is coming from. Life is bloody hard, drink, drinks does seem like an easy way out, helps with the daily grind. But I know that it's an illusion.
Fullofhope I read 5 chapters this morning of Allen Carr, very very readable, I just want to keep reading. I saw my alcohol counsellor who said he read the version to help him stop smoking. I know he smokes so feel a little but he did say he knew in his heart he didn't want to stop smoking so didn't finish the book!
Love to all babes xx

indie thankyou. I will copy that into my little book. And thank you for the offer of a bed. Might need it...dh came back from work, threw up. This is standard reaction to stress and the fear I will leave. He is here now, still snarling and snapping. I told him to put a face on for Ds sake. Ds is worried and keeps hugging me. Gave me a plastic silver heart because I might need it. Bless

Oh, I love that Pound poem, it's one of my favourites. Beautiful.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you lovely women.

Argh, sorry, I posted without refreshing hte page.

Sorry to hear that, ma. Your poor DS - but he sounds a sweetheart. Hang in there.

Ma Gave me a plastic silver heart because I might need it made me cry. Bless his heart. xx

Oh ma I really think you need to make the break sweetheart, can't he go somewhere else for a week or two? give you time to think? and for poor DD and DS to chill for a while?

He wont go anywhere and has nowhere to go. If Ds wasn't here I would go but I can't leave him with dh while he is acting like this.
Fuck him. I went out and bought a bottle of champagne which I am going to drink defiantly to celebrate me.
Tomorrow is day 1 and I won't be picking up.I need my wits about me for the future now.

Ds has made me a chocolate cake with sprinkles. Cake and champagne - turning into a good day after all

Ma We are all thinking about you. Lots of us have been in similar positions. You are a strong, determined, caring woman and mother. DS will be OK when you leave, with your care and love. He will come to learn that you are always there for him, whatever happens. Enjoy your Champagne, my Lovely. You are in a shit place just now but peace and calm are just around the corner.(( ))

Thank you purps. You have no idea how much strength I am drawing from a random collection of strangers right now. You guy s rock. Dh behaving a bit oddly just now...... Will keep you posted...

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Russell Brand Article I thought I'd C&P a direct link for those who want to read it but from what I can see, Purple has posted the best bit :)

Ma - I couldn't sleep last night because all I could think of was my own bastard XP and he torment he put me and DD through. NOT YOUR FAULT BTW! I wanted to come and get you, and take you away from the trap you're in......

I want to share something with you, DD text me from her 'sleep' over this morning.........

"Happy Mother's Day! :) I hope you enjoy your day today even if you're not able to relax. You're one of the best Mums going. How do I know that? Because you haven't been on Jeremy Kyle you're one of the most understanding people I know so you're more of a friend most of the time, but always a mum when I need you to be. I'm so glad our lives aren't shit anymore mum, and I think it's safe to say you're my role model because when I grow up I want to be as strong and brave as you are. Love you lots :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"

I might have found some dust in my eyes at that point. It's hard work being a parent, whatever age your child/ren is/are. You never stop being a parent and I wish that I could stop the hurt that your DH is causing you and your DCs Ma.

He knows what he's doing. Today's behaviour is a classic tell tale sign of that. Twat. Sorry for the swearing but I am livid. The make up shag makes me feel sick because I remember my own situation so clearly, I hope that he leaves you alone.

Please do keep posting Ma - I promise not to keep shouting at you/about this, I'm just so scared that this will end so very badly for YOU. You know where I am, I know that this is your only real outlet as he may check your phone so you can't text or call anyone really can you? It's so horrid Ma, sending you love and hugs xxx

Purps - I luffs your strength just now..... you are really getting a handle on the old WW.

Sorry to post and run but dinner is ready and I need to go but will be back later.

Great to see you IsinDe xx

Thanks mouse. I hear you, really I do. And your support means so much. Sorry it brought back bad memories for you. I am OK. I am strong. And with a bus load of babes behind me, I'll get there.
That text from your dd was wonderful by the way. You should be so proud

Mouse what a lovely, heartfelt text from your dd

Ma when he decides he's ready to 'make up' just tell him NO. Tell him you're not ready to make up because he has behaved like a huge arse. Tell him that childish behaviour like that is not attractive.

Honestly, you really, really, do not have to do it just to to keep the peace. Keep that image in your head. It will all be yours one day. Freedom to live your life in peace and harmony. Sending you love across the airways xxx

I'm off to bed now lovelies, be brave, be strong and be YOU.

In school tomorrow with Nemo again bless him.... see you soon xxxx

i Morning.

Haven't done well this week - 9 units each on Sat and Sun
Have put on 5lb (FIVE!)

I woke up early and thought about things.... work is really getting me down. Yes it is busy yes it is difficult - that is ok - but that's not the problem it is a new boss, I know where she used to work, worked there myself for a year, HATED it. She is full of the work culture of that place which I am finding very hard to deal with.

I need to find ways of dealing with this because I really do not want to go back to where I was, and I can't afford to. I am starting to dread work and I can't allow it to make me drink (and eat)

Need to talk to someone really

Ma, I am so sorry you are going through all this, you are so strong. IT is not your fault that dd is not having a great time, you would not be helping her by modelling submission

Good luck to all for thsi week

Sorry about all the me-me-me

Clutter you are incredible

JWN nice to hear from you

sorry not to get to everyone just now. about to run for my train

have a good week all babes

curry you can talk to us about it. Has she started to change things a lot at work yet, or are you just anticipating it. We'll help you work out some strategies. Have a good booze-free day today and start afresh with the healthy eating. It's a new day, a new week.

Motivational Monday! Come and confess all babes. You will be forgiven and can start again. G'wan get it off your chest, you know you want to .

I have overindulged on Mothers Day. Too much chocolate. Trousers a little tighter.

< sigh >

Have a fab day babes, hope Nemo gets on ok at school Mouse. All you can do keep trying, right? x

Hey Mouse Hope today, at school, with Nemo goes well. Doing OK but, as they used to say on my school reports "Could do better". I'm realising that I can't do this by myself, or even with meds, Dr and Alchol Services nurse, Chrys. I'm going to need some other help. As well as re-homing the dog, I've decided (as you know Mouse) to come off dating sites. I'm not ready for a relationship - of the 'opposite sex, sex possibly on the cards, possible long term' variety but it's taken me a while to realise it.

I have a question for the Babes that have been to AA. The local group have a meeting tomorrow and I'm trying to pluck up the courage to go. It's listed as a 'Big Book' meeting. Having read a bit, The Big Book, Steps and the Higher Being are the things that are making me sceptical about AA. Does anyone know what a BB meeting is about? Is it all to do with the Steps etc?

Had such a lovely day yesterday. DC were just gorgeous! Breakfast in bed, flowers, chocolates and a lovely, cute teddy. But more than that, more than the shop bought cards, and even the school generated self made cards, was the stuff they had done for me (under DD's bossiness guidance) at home - even though they already had 2 cards each to give me. They had made me extra cards, poems and arty stuff. I was in (good-style) tears. Thanks must go, too, to XP, as he stumped up the cash to buy the goodies they wanted to give me and dropped them off for DC on Saturday evening - even though he's struggling for money.

Curry Sorry to hear about your 'job dread'. Spending up to 8 hours a day doing something you don't enjoy, with people you don't get on with and don't look forward to is a killer. Your new boss may have changed too? Perhaps give it a few days to see what sort of attitude she's brining with her. It may not be as bad as you are fearing - and if it is, set your energy on possibly finding somewhere else?

Ma Hope you have some 'head-space' today to get things ordered in your head. Make a plan, make lists and look to the future. x

Lastly, I'd just like to send a message to my own brain. WHAT'S WITH THE SEX DREAMS!!?? CAN YOU DESIST, NOW!!?? IT'S NOT FUNNY!! (Sorry for shouting)

Happy Monday to all you beautiful, Brave Babes xx

PS Just phoned AA. And asked them to ask someone to come with me to a meeting. They are contacting an AA lady in my area who will phone me (in the next 24 hours) and talk about coming to a meeting with me. I've been skirting round this for ages. I don't know if it's for me or not but my thinking, at the moment, is I have to give it a try. One small step. x

Well done, Purple, that is a huge step.
I think asking for help can be so hard. It's at the heart of that brilliant Russell Brand piece. Well done for reaching out.
This is my theme for this week: think about reaching out.

the "new" boss has been here for about 2 months, she is gradually driving me more and more nuts. I could talk about it for ever.

Something else occurred to me about all this crap eating I have been doing: in a bar (yes! I know! A bar! We went OUT!) on Saturday night, a man did a horrible unnecessarily all-over-me reach "around" me and it creeped me the hell out. He made a joke of how uncomfortable I was. I have been telling myself that the world is a little less tricky to navigate when you are 40-odd but since I lost some weight, hello, here all these gropey fuckers are again. FUCK. I think this has something to do with the baking and the eating. I can see it now. When I was young (and slim and prettier) I cultivated a fuck-off attitude. I am not tall, I do not have a powerful looking body, when I am slim I just seem so little and "cute" (I am always being told) and fuckable-with and I HATE it. I just hate it that I am a toy for these bastards. I "learnt" that going around being sarcastic and poised-for-aggression was not the best attitude to get on (at work, etc, but also becoming more conscious of how it makes others feel, and no one is perfect, and cut everyone some slack, blah blah) and I have tried over the years to become gentler, kinder, more open, more warm. Now I feel like I have a choice between eating my way to 3-stone overweight again so no one wants to play with me, or bringing back the vicious tongue and all that attitude which was such, such, such hard work.
(this is not one wanker in a bar that has brought all this on. It's a few things, lots of different things I keep noticing)

I am FORTY FUCKING ONE I am not a child what do I have to do to have some PRESENCE? (without being a bitch)