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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

my DP stays out all weekend, what do i do?

72 replies

cocopopps · 09/02/2013 20:36

Me and my DP have been together for nearly 10 years and have 2 DC. He has a habit of going out for a few hours and doesnt return home until the next morning although on this occasion he went out yesterday at 7pm and istill have had no contact from him.
He usually goes back to his friends and has admitted to me that he knows its wrong but he has to be the last one to leave the party as hes worried he'll miss out.
I've had numurous talks with him and he knows how much this hurts me and that im at my witts end but he doesnt ever seem to stop even though he promises he'll stop.
He doesnt know if i have money so for all he knows me and my DC could have nothing for tea run out of elctric or gas (on pre payment metres).
Ive ended up staying with a family member because i just dont know what to do anymore.........any advise???

OP posts:

Lueji · 09/02/2013 20:39

Lock the doors to him.

What happened when you stayed at a family member?

NeedlesCuties · 09/02/2013 20:41

Do you have any independent £?

What does he do in terms of family time and/or giving you some time to socialise?

He seems very immature, not at all fair.

Original poster

cocopopps · 09/02/2013 20:42

Im here at a family members now, it was 7pm last night he went out and got sick of waiting by 4 o clock so i came here and still havent heard anything hes probably still out! he does this nearly every weekend and he promises every time that he'll never do it again, i just dont know what to say to him

OP posts:

revolvenotevolve · 09/02/2013 20:44

i recollect something similar happened to a poster before - is it you again ? I think it would probably be a deal breaker for me - if he knows how much it hurts you that makes it even worse.

MortifiedAdams · 09/02/2013 20:45

How long has this been going on? If it dates back to.pre-dc then too long.

Get rid.

Original poster

cocopopps · 09/02/2013 20:45

I dont have my own money i usually pay all the bills with my ctc even though he works full time, I've been out 4 times since january 2012 he says i can go out whenever but i never have money left over.
i dont mind him going out its just the dissapearing acts.

OP posts:

MortifiedAdams · 09/02/2013 20:46

OP it seriously is not just the disappearing acts

Original poster

cocopopps · 09/02/2013 20:46

no its my first post, our oldest DS is 8 and this has been going on for 6 years now.

OP posts:

Fairylea · 09/02/2013 20:47

How can he afford to go out and you can't ? For a start you should have equal spending money.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 09/02/2013 20:48

I think enough is enough. He either stays in, starts contrbuting both financially and emotionally or you walk.

RandomMess · 09/02/2013 20:49

He knows you'll put up with it, he doesn't mean it when he says it won't happen again.

Original poster

cocopopps · 09/02/2013 20:49

i dont know what my cut off point should be or how to let him see how serious this is to me, its starting to effect my DS.
This is the first time I've not been at home when he gets home.

OP posts:

Convert · 09/02/2013 20:51

I generally don't do 'leave the bastard' and think a lot of men get quite a hard time on here but, he does not have any respect for you. He is a selfish child who does whatever he wants because he knows you will forgive him and he will never change while you allow him to behave like this. Pack his fucking stuff in to bin bags and leave it all on the doorstep.

MortifiedAdams · 09/02/2013 20:52

Your cut off point is much longer than mine.

Do you want your sons (if you have them) growing up thinking this is how to treat their partners?

Do you want your daughters (if you have them) growing up thinking this is how men should treat them?

Original poster

cocopopps · 09/02/2013 20:52

I totally agree that he should be contributing equally and at the moment he's let all the bills build up we've had an eviction notice as he hasnt been paying the rent.
He's been paid today and I dont know if he's going to spend all the bill money.

OP posts:

NeedlesCuties · 09/02/2013 20:52

I'm

He seems totally lacking in respect for you and your DC. I'm raging on your behalf!

Seriously think what he is bringing to your life and that of the DC. Does he enrich your life? Does he do anything to help?

What sort of relationship do your DC have with their dad if he fucks off every weekend?

I rarely say this, but he's wrecking your self-esteem, having his cake and eating it.

kalidanger · 09/02/2013 20:53

I guess this is your cut off point coco You're with your family and posting for advice.

What do you think he'll do/say when you're not there?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 09/02/2013 20:53

If it is effecting your DC then that is your cut off point.

Jemma1111 · 09/02/2013 20:53

You pay all the bills even though he works full time, and then to top it all he pisses off out every weekend and leaves you wondering where he is !

You'd be daft to stay with this loser, he's taking you for a twat.

kalidanger · 09/02/2013 20:54

Wait! Jesus Christ, I think an eviction notice is your cut off point!!! Go get your stuff and move out.

threepiecesuite · 09/02/2013 20:55

Is he very young?
My DP was a bit wild until we had DD (when he was 35) and he only goes out occasionally now. We haven't got the money for much of a social life at the moment, but we work as a team to make nights in fun.
What do you get out of the relationship?

RandomMess · 09/02/2013 20:56

Sounds like he has an alcohol problem, a big one, it takes priority over everything else in his life I'm afraid.

Lueji · 09/02/2013 20:56

At some point you will lose any faith that he'll change. Now?

And you will leave him.

Then he might realise what he's losing.

And it might be too late, as you won't believe anything he says anymore.

Quite frankly I don't think he'll change, or want to, unless you really leave him.
And if you do go back if he shows to be a family man, he's likely to revert to his previous behaviour. :(

Original poster

cocopopps · 09/02/2013 20:56

my eldest son is starting to dislike him alot due to seeing me hurt by him, he promised them both he would take them to get their hair cut this morning and he hasn't, obviously because he hasn't come home. They are very aware that he sould be home with us but he isn't. It just seems like a pathetic reason to tear my family apart over, because he cant do a simple thing like come home after a night out. He doen't get it despite me sitting in front of him, so upset over the situation. He is causing all this i wish he would stop.

OP posts:

izzyizin · 09/02/2013 20:58

Are you named on the tenancy agreement? Are you the tenants of a private or social housing (ie local authority, housing association etc) property?

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