Don't know where to turn - DH thinks his behaviour is acceptable, I can't get through to him

[Pegpolkadot]

DH has always had a vile side. He has never laid a finger on me and never would but because his mother was physically abusive to him he in turn finds it acceptable to shout and hit the children.

The thing I can't understand is that he doesn't see that what he does to his own children is no different to what she did to him and that in the end they will feel the same way about him as he does about her.

Last night was bad. My DS1 aged 9 who has Aspergers revealed the extent of his constipation at about 10.30 when we came up to bed. He was terrified it was going to hurt so wouldn't go to the toilet. DH said I was being too nice about it and that he was going to make himself ill so he would deal with it. He towered over him shouting in his face, he tried hitting and punching him to scare him into it and when he repeatedly coughed he put his hand over his mouth to stop him.

As I put him to bed DS1 cried and asked me to promise I would never let that happen again

I have got to go on a course today so DH is in charge. Not worried as big 2 at school then my parents are picking them up from school. He will be fine with the 3 year old.

If DS discloses at school today they will call social services and part of me hopes he does. There is a good chance he will because of his Aspergers.

I don't know what to do. I've tried telling him this thing is not acceptable. I threatened to leave in August but he begged me to stay and changed for a while but the old him is creeping back in.

WWYD???

I really hope so too - but why would anyone make up such a hideous story?

Well, it's a long standing poster from the look of things.

Ahh, makes me sad. I have never been in this situation but I would like to think that my instinct to protect my child would take over and that I'd do the only thing that a mother can do...and that's ensure my son's safety.

please dont let these children back under the same roof as your h.
get him to bring the 3 year old to your parents and you all stay there and report to police/gp./SS whoever.

your poor nine year old.....do it for him.

Surely the Police should be told about this thread? If it is real?

Womens Aid have great badass Lawyers, they even come with you to appointment should you need them, they found me a firm ran by ladies who were once victims of DV or their DC were.

My boys Dad smacked them on the ass and I had him removed when he to work the next day, obviously it took a bit of sneaking about behind his back, he deserved it though, he also thinks hitting Dc is fine, my DS was 9 at the time too, he tells me now he is 12 he would have ran away from home had I not had his dad removed.

So sorry this is happening. You made a promise to protect your little boy, you have to honour that. This is a really disturbing thread, surely you must see that the only thing you can do is leave? How could you bear for this to happen again? Speak to your GP, call Social Services or get in touch with Women's Aid. Please tell someone in real life that this is happening. And please come back and tell us what is happening, there are people here genuinely terrified for your family. Be strong x

I have a son with autism and a daughter the same age as your son with high functioning autism. Their lives are frightening, confusing and stressful as a result. I cannot imagine the trauma and terror your son went through last night.

He will be so scared, he will link what happened to the toilet and will have terrible trouble by withholding so as to avoid a repeat beating, it won't go away.

You need to get your son, all of your children, away from this monster. You need especially to get your boy away and some help and support. He needs you to not let him down.

You promised him, he won't understand if you don't keep your promise, he will feel betrayed and abandoned by the people who he should be able to count on to love and protect him.

Get help for him for all of you today please.

CuriousMama - I asked MNHQ about that, and they don't report to the police, as the police usually don't investigate anonymous online statements. They have nothing to go on anyway apart from an IP address.

Hope op has been back and read this.... At least...

if not possible to go to GP I imagine even an adult hospital A & E would have a safeguarding nurse /doctor who would help you take this further.

I agree with insanity - chronic constipation may take a while to clear and be frustrating even with supportive parents , so there maybe a lot more flashpoints if you remain with your DH

There is no troll hunting going on

Merely disbelief that this is going on , being posted about, and then potentially ignored and not reported.

And that's just awful.

Hi peg, hope you have been able to get yourself together today and make a clear decision to protect yourself and your children.

Your dh is a very sick person and has proved he is not able to change despite his promises. A person who can behave the way he did to your ds is capable of far worse and cannot be trusted with any child.

brainonastick so if someone posted they'd just murdered someone then it would just get ignored? What's being written here is a criminal offence as well. Beating a 9 year old. And one with SN at that.

I think police can get a warrant for IP addresses for some criminal investigations, however IIRC, it needs to be a serious arrestable offence under PACE, which murder would come under, but these circumstances, whilst dreadful and disturbing, wouldn't in all probability be deemed a serious arrestable offence.

I think the main priority is to support the OP, and help her to see that she needs to reach out for help & support from agencies to protect her DC.

Yes curiousmama, that's what I said. Getting histrionic about it at another poster who is just trying to help isn't going to change the facts of the situation .

Thank you for all your support and concern.

I am now at my parents with the DC. At the moment I don't want to report it to the police and I hope you respect that. DC are safe and away from him and I have the support of my Mum and Dad.

Sorry it's brief, it has been a difficult day.

I hope your parents van guide you in the right direction. I'm pleased you've taken the first step.

Stay safe.

thanks so much for updating peg. stay strong, you have done the right thing. x

I'm relieved that you're all safe.

Good luck and well done for leaving Peg.

Oh thank god. I'm so relieved for you and your DC.

I hope you can start taking the steps you need soon. Keep posting for support. You'll get tonnes of it!

Well done, peg. Small steps. You Can do it.

Well done on taking that first step, and for getting yourself and your DC somewhere safe.