Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So DH said...

963 replies

wavesandsmiles · 28/01/2013 14:18

He knew I wouldn't want to hear it, but he really regrets getting me pregnant. I am 14 weeks pregnant with our first child, which we actively tried for. We each have 2 children from previous relationships, and there are blended family issues causing tension at the moment. I've been getting quite ill with regualr blackouts and am still suffering morning sickness.

We are going to try to make things work, but I am gutted to the core. It is not something that was said in the heat of a row, just in a "let's have a chat about what is wrong" talk.

I feel really upset - he is even talking about separating, and that his mum has offered to lend him money to get a deposit on a rented flat. We bought our forever home in October, and no way can I afford to pay the mortgage myself. I feel lost. I appreciate he is entitled to his own feelings, and to express these, but it doesn't hurt any less that he (a) is contemplating abandoning his pregnant wife and (b) has said he regrets the baby.

If he wants to separate, which he has said will be the case if our plan to improve things doesn't work, I really have no idea what will happen. I know this is a lot of what ifs, but the fact he has said how much he regrets all this, and that in his head he is at the stage where he has spoken to his mum who has offered him money, suggests that his mind may be made up already.

I think I just need some hand holding. He is/was my best friend, my happy ever after, only now it doesn't feel so much like that.

OP posts:
Jux · 19/02/2013 12:09

How are you, beautiful Songstress? ( hope you don't mind, couldn't resist it, such a lovely thing, making music - my dh is a musician).

Hope you got a,good sleep, and feel a bit better this morning. Hope they kept your h away from you, but as ScarletWoman says, slowly slowly catchy monkey.

wavesandsmiles · 19/02/2013 14:17

Very much thinking about printing off the thread and passing it to my psychotherapist and maybe the midwives.... Well, something to try when I get back home. Sleep wasn't so great due to cannula once again being in my elbow and fluids being changed in the night.

However, the sun is streaming through the windows of the side room I'm in, and the sunshine makes everything feel a little less bleak.

New thread has been started, so hope that those of you who want to keep offering hand holding, advice or just a general presence are able to find it.

OP posts:
LiveItUp · 19/02/2013 14:59

That would be a great move Smiles. Can you do anything while you are still at the hospital though - that way the care team who you are under now can work with you and put support in place for when you get out. Maybe speak to one and ask them to look it up?

Will try and find your next thread ....

AgathaF · 19/02/2013 15:32

waves - I have pm'd you.

BinarySolo · 19/02/2013 15:47

Hope you're feeling better Waves. Glad you feel more optimistic too.

Can someone please pm me for how to find the new thread? Want to keep supporting but I'm clueless as to how to find it!

badinage · 19/02/2013 17:10

Yes do print out the thread and give it to them. What's happening about STI screening?

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 19/02/2013 17:21

I would like to keep offering support, if someone can link to new thread or PM me.

auntpetunia · 19/02/2013 19:07

Jax Just take yourself to the hidden place OTBT no one should link that will defeat the object. I'll pm you if you can't find it.

Thumbwitch · 19/02/2013 19:07

Just in case no one has PMd you yet, Jax, I have.

Avoid any linking between threads - better for Waves.

BinarySolo · 19/02/2013 19:57

Can someone pm me too please?

MushroomSoup · 19/02/2013 20:08

Binarysolo I've PMed you x

anniepanniepears · 19/02/2013 20:11

I cant find new thread can someone pm me thanks

Midwife99 · 19/02/2013 20:16

Pmd you Annie

anniepanniepears · 19/02/2013 20:26

thanks midwife

whosthis · 19/02/2013 22:22

can't find the new post. can someone pm me? thanks!

FringeEvent · 19/02/2013 23:19

Waves - I've been following your thread from the beginning, and I've just lurked quietly til now as I don't have any practical advice to offer that hasn't already been given by other posters. But I just wanted to send you a message of support before this thread hits its limit, and let you know I'm rooting for you Thanks Really glad to see you're feeling more positive today.

I agree with LiveItUp that getting as much support as you can while you're still in the hospital is vital, I worry that when you're back at home and not feeling at your full strength due to the hyperemesis, it makes you so much more vulnerable to his evil game-playing. Please use the time away from your H to gather up your courage and ask for RL support from your care team. If the word 'abuse' is a term you don't feel comfortable saying out loud just yet, then forget about labels for the time being and just stick to telling them the facts (what he's done, what he's said). They WILL be able to help you, but first you have to tell them what has been happening.

I haven't yet managed to work out how to find your new thread, but I will persevere as I want to stick around and continue to give my support. x

MomaP · 19/02/2013 23:44

I've been following this thread from the beginning, too.
Can anyone PM and let me know where the new one is? Smile

bamboozled · 20/02/2013 06:24

Another long time lurker wanting to continue supporting. Please could someone pm me the thread? Thank you

BinarySolo · 20/02/2013 06:35

Thanks mushroom.

goneHaywire · 20/02/2013 08:14

waves - I have been lurking on your thread since the beginning.

I think you are amazing, you are dealing with so much, so well. I don't know what I would do in your situation but I hope I would find the strength to keep going as you have. you are an inspiration.

I can't find the new thread so before this one runs out I just wanted to wish you peace, happiness, good health and EVERY good thing in life.

...could someone maybe pm me with the new thread??

bamboozled · 20/02/2013 08:59

Thanks midwife x

Guiltypleasures001 · 20/02/2013 11:50

Could I please also have a link pm as I do think of Waves quite a lot this end, and feel frustrated that there isnt anything I can do for her.

thanks in advance

tightfortime · 20/02/2013 12:08

Another lurker who has followed this from the start, worries for waves and wants to hold hands on the new thread if someone wouldn't mind PMing me please...thanks so much

alli1968 · 20/02/2013 12:29

Likewise - can someone send me the new thread x

Listmaker · 20/02/2013 14:08

Can someone PM me too please. Been following and lurking on this since the start. I don't get much MN time and have been coming on just to check on poor Waves so would like to offer support and de-lurk on the new thread.

Thanks!

Swipe left for the next trending thread