The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Kicking The Wine Witch Into Touch!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Bus. We're a group of posters who have been on a journey to here, there and everywhere when it comes to alcohol and the abusing of it.

Some of us drink, some of us don't at all and some of us are trying to get there, really trying to just stop the cycle, break the habit and calm everything down. Some of us are desperate to not be 'that' person anymore.

One Day At A Time or ODAAT.

So what have you got to lose? Weight? Saggy, puffy eyes each morning? False friends? The risk of cancers and other fatal illnesses......... why not join us?

We have a resident MonsterCat, Wolf called Seth and Squid called Barry (best not to ask about Barry! )

And, if you want to see where we've been so far, the links below will show you. The first ever thread is the best by far, because the OP is just like you. And me.

FIRST EVER THREAD

PREVIOUS THREAD

Lemony your story is so moving. I am so sorry you lost your partner in this way. I watched the program too and I found the work that they did amazing. I too thought it was refreshing to see the caring side of the NHS - a couple of the consultants seemed genuinely moved. My DF was in ICU almost exactly a year ago and my experience of that level of care was that it operates at a totally different level to the rest of the NHS.

7 years ago from now I was holding my hour-old first born - aka one of my twogoodreasons!

Morning babes!

Welcome besame well done for getting on the bus. How are you doing today?

clutter sorry to hear about your dd - hope the school get it sorted today.

I really could have had a glass of wine last night. It was the hardest I've had to fight the WW since day 1 or 2. DH finished work early which apparently is a trigger for me. I immediately thought "ooh goody, lets open the wine". But I managed not to. Big victory!

Have a good day babes x

Can I hop onboard again please? I've been on this bus before but lately I've been allowing myself to drink but I've had enough again now and really need to stop. I hate waking in the early hours feeling like crap then not being able to sleep and instead having to go and make myself sick. I have a ds only few weeks old and already I am having hangovers once or twice a week....and I'm breast feeding aswel thats terrible isn't it? It doesn't seem to affect my milk or supply but it could couldn't it? And how awful that I am risking his life line for my pleasure. Utterly selfish. Have the best part of a box of wine in the fridge and I'm thinking of chucking it except I hate waste and I guess expect I'm going to fail and give in within a week or two and have to buy more! What do u all do? Do u keep alcohol in the house or not? Sounds like a lot of u have much to deal with so its no wonder u get stressed. Hope everyone is doing betta today xx

clutter Have to deal with 'mild bullying' and in that case the best thing to do was talk to the school, they are very good at handling it. How old is your daughter?

mattysmum welcome onboard the Bus! and its very brave of you to have made the first step. Re. having alcohol in the house, I don't have any as I'm not strong enough to resist. I've bought some wine for this weekend (a party at my friends) and its in the boot of my car

Although its bad that I had to buy it 3 days ahead of time 'in case' I wouldn't be able to tomorrow Like I had to make sure I had my fix ready...

Hello Mattysmum - remove it from the house, stick it in the garage or something - Is it open? If so pour it away, what's a few quid compared to your health?

Or Freeze some for cooking, make a chicken chasseur if white or beef bourgingon of red or something similar :)

It will haunt you in the fridge and before you know it you'll be tucking in before you've even thought it through - I can find myself pouring a glass of wine on autopilot without even really thinking about whether I want one. If you really don't want to drink it - get rid.

Yes it could affect your milk if you are drinking so much you are hungover, but you know that already.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Nemo is still poorly and fast asleep on the sofa. The ILs are due any minute to see DD for her Bday tomorrow. I'm beyond exhausted after night shifts and think I may actually fall asleep. Now. We may be on our way to the docs actually, he's struggling with his breathing so I'm watching him like a hawk! He seems to be resessing when he takes a breath....... I think if he sleeps he'll settle his breathing.

The bloody postman has just woken him up . It's a huge parcel for me too so I shouldn't complain really.

Joey - sorry to read about DD, docs me thinks? We went through this with DD not so long ago. Just the fact that I took her to the docs was enough to make her understand that she needs to eat and often. Not a bar of chocolate once a week!

And sorry about the parking, what a PITA for you xx

Thurso - I will read your PM about SN once I get chance to concentrate properly. Thank you for spending the time to do it. xx

Lemony - thank you and wow re your story, thank you for sharing that with us all. I know exactly what you mean when you say 'right up until the last minute'. You still think that they'll wake up, pull through, stay.

You're so Brave Babe, keep going, keep letting your brain 'dump' because my lovely, that is what stopping drinking does. It lets you feel again. It lets you see things differently and sometimes that can hurt, sometimes that can help. We're all here for you, No Matter What. xx

Welcome to Besame and hello again to MattysMum. I agree with Greeny re getting shot of the wine if you really don;t want to drink it.

If you're serious, get rid of it. YOU DON'T NEED IT DO YOU? Stay and post lots when you get cravings, talk about how you are feeling and we'll be around to hold your hand, I promise.

Clutter - KEEP TALKING TO HER! I would call the school and tell then that she is scared to death that speaking to the bully will only escalate the situation (I was bullied for years at school and had the same fears ) Ask that nothing is said to the bully but that the situation is monitored and that she is allowed to stay within the sight of a staff member at home time until your dad gets there, and that ALL of her teachers are made aware of the situation.

She also needs a safe place to go should this bully kick off during break times, would that be possible? The staff room? Reception? Dinner hall? Somewhere there will be staff around just in case?

What does she want you to do? xx

Gugg - thank you re the offer of Derek or Barry and I think I can only cope with one lot of trauma being released for now but will talk to her about my PTSD, thank you. xx

Two - to you also xx

venus - I wrote out the notes from the day that Nemo was rushed to PICU last night to the cranial lady. It was horrific as I thought but I think the fact that I was up nursing him last night, being able to hold him and cuddle him made me feel better about it all ITMS??

I need to vanish again, settle my boy and get some food, I must keep me going otherwise I'll be no good for Nemo and DH is so busy with work.... always the bloody way!

Keep on posting Babes and sorry not to check everyone, I am grateful for your posts to me and kind thoughts, I really am. I love this place, it's my safe haven.

Back later hopefully with a Nemo update. xxxxx

Hello!

Mouse big hugs to you my lovely, I hope you manage to have some pain free unbroken sleep tonight. hugs to lovely Nemo too.

Clutter DD was being picked on at school this and last term (same boys). Initially she didn't want me to talk to the school but I convinced her I had too. The rule I am going by is that I want my DD to open up to me and trust me and keep talking to me (so have to listen to her views) but as importantly is that when she tells me something that she sees that I am trying to fix it. I'm not sure if that helps but that is what I tell her my job is. Mind you she is only 4 so its a bit easier to convince her of these things.

I had a glass of wine last night. Just one. I am not beating myself up about it. I feel like I have been on and off this bus for long enough now (erm... 2.5 years?!) to know how these things go. So I am simply saying that I am pleased I didn't drink for 4 days. Two weeks ago that would have been unthinkable. And I am pleased I only had one glass. One week ago that would have been unthinkable. I might drink today. But I definitely will not drink tmrw night. DD and I are home alone for a girls night and its really important to me not to drink then.

DD has her first playdate without me after school today. For those who "know" me and my anxiety with her this is BIG. I haven't been able to work all day for worrying but I just hope that it all goes ok. She is very nervous so its 50/50 whether she will go or I will get a phone call asking me to collect her! So Babes please think of LittleMissGee at 3.10 today and wish her bravery in making this step in the world.

Welcome mattysmum.

Aliasjoey, have you looked at the letter that was on the car yet?
I know it's easier said than done, but: you have to accept that sometimes the things people ask of you are unreasonable and it is fine to refuse.
Did you park in someone's drive? no. did you block someone in? No. So, you can park where you need to, it is legal.

Some people get very very upset when they are asked to do things they feel they have to say no to. the asker often has no idea they will feel this way, they think that asking is neutral - "the person can always say no". Think about it that way - no one wants you to be upset, no one wants you to be out of pocket or to have problems with work. The people who wrote that note were just - slightly selfishly, but very normally and humanly - wrapped all up in their little world where it is a disaster for visiting Ethel to have to park 10 feet away. but it's fine. It honestly really is fine.

don't rent spaces you can't afford. Take a deep breath, read the letter, and give yourself a pep talk. It's fine.

curry no I didn't read it! for some reason letting DH read it and then tell me was as much as I could cope with, so although I know its legal to park there, I can't bear confrontation (have already been close to panic attacks over this) and I have found a driveway to rent instead. It's also closer to my work, so less exercise very handy!

MsG how's the playdate going?

No news as yet thanks joey ... her friend's mum is picking her up at 3.10 so I am expecting a call at 3.15 when DD refuses to get in the car without me...

Also meant to say to you the other day - I suffer from anxiety too, although it has improved a lot lately. Part of it for me was just time - I needed to be anxious because I worried about keeping my DD safe. It was just something I needed to go through to be honest. Now we are both growing in confidence. I also tried to make very small steps towards tackling the anxiety head on - so travelling with DD (big trigger -scary world out there!), doing things we wouldn't normally do - but in a way I felt safe. So last summer DD and I travelled to visit a friend but DH drove me miles to a station so I had less changes on the train, then he had all the numbers possible to come and get me if needed - and promised he would drive to collect me if need be.

I don't know if this helps or not ... I think anxiety is a very individual thing, depending on the reasons for it etc.

Quick SOS to the Babes, I?ve had an absolutely fantastic week of not drinking, keeping bust with work and running, feeling really good.

I?ve spent the last 2 days having to do extensive research on the effects of alcohol and it?s making me craze wine like crazy. I?ve got a meal out tonight, so tempted to have a couple of glasses of wine but know no-one else will be drinking.

Tummy in knots with the anxiety now!

Sorry for posting and not having caught up with you all for a few days, but definitely in the grips of the WW right now!

run can you go for a run before the meal? Might make you less likely to drink?

Just heard from DD friend mum. She is fine - marched out of school with her pal and was fine. I am so relieved I could cry.

runfastrun - breathe! Think of us, we are all rooting for you.
the first one is the main one. When you arrive, decide in advance what your first drink will be and order it quickly and smartly - drink it - chat - relax - breathe breathe breathe. Get that first cranberry and soda, or whatever you like, under your belt and then it will be much better. Breathe. If you need a walk round the block have one, say you are going out to phone the bank or something, if you need space take it. Breathe. think of us. think of how well you have been doing.

right what have you decided your first drink is going to be?

Thanks all

The thing is, the dinner party is at my house, so I want to buy some wine on the way home from work to have before they arrive

I do this every week, I make it all the way to Thursday and it goes wrong. I actually really really want to though, that?s the problem, I think ?no harm? and then I wake up with a stinking hangover?

Right, ok so if it is at your house, different strategy (I feel your pain by the way, I would find that harder too)

Go to the shop and buy something else so that you feel you are getting your personal treat. buy a really nice bottle of bubble bath or posh hot chocolate or something. Go upstairs and put it ready for when your guests have gone. Imagine yourself unwinding on your own, pleased with being sober, rewarding yourself with chocolate or bubbles or both together.

Buy something like schloer to serve at first, something that you can offer to everyone and make it like a "welcome" almost a ceremony

Plan what you are going to do when you get in the door: change your shoes, make a cup of tea, do your make-up, hit the kitchen, whatever - plan plan plan and then go into auto-pilot

YOU CAN DO THIS

I hope you don't mind me posting here. If you do, which I will completely understand, then please tell me and I'll find another place to post.

I'm not a Brave Babe. I'm just related to someone that I wish more than anything had been.

I've just come back from my aunt's funeral. She was 60, and the cause of death on her death certificate is liver failure caused by alcohol abuse. I didn't know they would be so, I don't know, bald about the cause on such a permanent record.

Her DH, who is also a massive drinker, is telling anyone who'll listen that she died of cancer .

She went into hospital on Christmas Eve with double pneumonia and never came out. The doctor said that she sould have been admitted three weeks earlier, but she refused until she didn't have the strength to keep refusing because she was more afraid of not being allowed vodka than she was of dying. She was put into a medically induced coma on Boxing Day once her organs started to fail, and died two weeks ago.

Her funeral was beautiful. Standing room only. I've never seen that before. So very many people loved her. Her three daughters read the most wonderful eulogy, the love radiated out of every word. But her middle daughter told me at the wake that her mother had been gone from her for a very long time.

Alcoholism runs in our family - my aunt, one of her daughters, my father, one of my sisters, my grandfather, my great grandfather. All alcoholics, although thankfully all of the ones still living are dry now.

So. Very best of luck to everyone on this thread. You all have my admiration and best wishes behind you. I hope you all get to the places you want to be.

And to my aunt, who was also a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a grandmother and a friend - RIP.

MsGee - everyone has gone out so I have time to post. I'm so pleased that LMG is okay and has settled nicely into her playdate. I bet you £1,000,000. that you were a million times more anxious about it than she was! I KNOW how close the bond is between the two of you so well done for letting her go. That must have been hard for you lovely xx

Run - This is most likely one of the hardest tests you've got to face so far. A party at your own house? Bloomin; eck, not easy! As you're the host, you'll have plenty of chance to go off to get food and drinks. You could get some tonic water and say you're having G&T's if you didn't want to drink wine, say that you over did it on the wine last weekend and fancied a change?

Joey - I agree with Curry about this parking note (but see you've found somewhere) so all's well again. Does your GP know how nervous you are about confrontation? You sound as though you'd throw up if someone actually approached you on the spot instead of putting a note on your car.

I really feel for you, I was like that. It was due to my past but I was so scared to upset anyone, I'd go so far out of my way to avoid confrontation, avoid upsetting someone, avoid getting involved...... I'm not sure what changed but I'm not like that anymore. Maybe having Nemo and having to fight his corner for so long and so hard changed the way I see others, especially those who have no legal or moral (is that the right word?) right to tell you what you can and can't do!

I take no shit now but only because I learnt the hard way with my abusive XP. I'm glad the parking issue is sorted but I think you need to seek help for your severe anxiety and think about a change in meds as the ones you're on now don't seem to be helping you any longer? Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn sweetheart but you do sound very jittery at times xx

Cinnabar - not at all! This thread is for everyone who have alcohol related issues to face, whether they're your own or others. I'm so, so sorry about your aunt and your uncle's denial.

Please post here as much as you like, welcome xx

Thank you. I find I don't have any words left for now, but thank you.

mouse I've been trying for the last 9 months to sort out some medication, you're right, but not sure what else to do.

runs I buy myself pain au chocolate to have for breakfast tomorrow if I stay sober tonight! Good luck with it.

ma how are you doing hen? Recovered from Barry yet?

Goodness, so many babes struggling with fears and families just now,as well as the dreaded booze.
cinnabar I don't know how much of the threads you have read,but my brother is heading to the same fate as your aunt. It is very hard to have a family member going through this. Stay and talk to us.
msgee I'm glad the play date went well
mouse you are being very brave, reaching into the box of shadows and bringing them into the light. Just one at a time OK? Hold it in the light until it turns to ash then blow it away. One at a time!

Hello Babes,
Well, the wine witch is, fairly shouting in my ear tonight, Dh is out, and I have had all the phone calls I can handle, so up for an early bath, and toast for later. I think I am definitely tired, hungry and thirsty, and so hope to sort those out with a bath, long drink, and book, all in the bath .
Maybe go to sleep dreaming of your masseur Ma!!!!
xxxxx

Shouldn't you be dreaming of DH thurso?

Sorry ma his name was Derek not Barry, wasn't it

Yes, Barry is the squid, Derek is the masseur. But they are both quite oily.