No I don,t want to sleep with your husband

[bongobaby]

Apparently its ok by his wife that he is asking to sleep with me WTF I am so fucking angry. NO NO NO its not going to happen I,m pissed off bigtime at the pair of them.

[FreckledLeopard]

Oh my good Lord. There is a ridiculous level of hysteria and clenched buttocks on this thread. Honestly, this is something people are suggesting is sexual harassment?

Perhaps North London has a different type of person living there, but the five years I lived there I was propositioned in a whole number of ways by couples, singles...I know married swingers, single swingers - have good friends in this scene. I'd find it far creepier if I was being hit on by someone who didn't have the consent of their partner.

And so what if they've discussed it with each other? Personally I'd be flattered and if not something I wanted to pursue I'd just say thanks but no thanks.

Honestly, get a grip and accept that not everyone subscribes to plain vanilla sex lives (thank god)!

[Whocansay]

I understand why the OP is angry. He clearly came round with the expectation of sex. If her wanted to proposition her he should have done it in a more public setting, or by phone, not when she's alone with him in her house. I'd have felt extremely uncomfortable and vulnerable.

Why does the OP not wanting to fuck her friend's husband mean she only wants 'plain vanilla sex'?

[MadBusLady]

I agree with that part of it Whocansay. I would also be freaked out by someone propositioning me for sex in a vulnerable situation - whether they were married or not.

Like Freckled I'm also pretty shocked by some of the raving pitchforkery on this thread though. Do we have to cover the place in foaming spittle every time we come across someone with a different lifestyle to ours?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

"Perhaps North London has a different type of person living there"

Yes it does. The rest of us live in the real world, not some kind of suburban Carry On Film

[MadBusLady]

Huh, well I live in North London and no-one's ever propositioned me!

The only people I've ever thought might be working up to it lived in Yorkshire actually. O NO, THE PERVERTEDNESS! IT SPREADS!

[differentnameforthis]

He clearly came round with the expectation of sex.

You can't know that! he didn't ask the op for sex on the spot, merely mentioned that he would have liked to have slept with her.

[SueFawley]

I suppose I'm rather confused that the thread title is aimed at the woman: 'No, I don't want to sleep with your husband' when it was HIM that asked the question. Why the ranting at her?

I have never, ever been propositioned by another woman, whether for just one on one or a threesome with a man or whatever. Never had a problem attracting guys but never women. Not a problem because I'm straight, but I do feel rather left out when I read threads like this

[MegaClutterSlut]

I would be pissed off too tbh. If they want an open marriage fair enough but they shouldn't involve friends imo. It would make me uncomfortable around them in the future and I would be even more pissed off at her, being my friend saying it's ok for her husband to ask me. It's not a boundary I would cross

[bongobaby]

I,m honestly shocked at the flaming I have recieved on this thread. I am a single mum who felt vulnerable and uncomfortable in my own home with this man. I see him as someones Husband and in no way a sexual partner for a night or anytime. Why is it that I should think myself lucky that this is a compliment? I am ment to take what I,m offered because we are friends?
He freaked me out and should of considered that I am on my own but he took advantage of my good nature.
Yes I am angry but not at any op on here and it is not an over reaction on my part. Pissed off is also the word I used aswell.

[Bogeyface]

But I still dont see why you are piling all the blame onto his wife. Your comments about her pimping you out to the neigbourhood are a massive over reaction and your thread title implies that you blame her more than him.

Feeling angry because he made you feel vulnerable in your own home is justified, but slagging them both off because they lead a different lifestyle to you isnt.

[SueFawley]

bongo, sometimes there are friendship dealbreakers, and I think you've found one of yours. Perhaps it's time to cut off all contact with them.

[bongobaby]

Differentnameforthis He asked me for sex with him whilst sitting at my table in my home. He came round saying he would like to chat about me and his wife falling out. This was not what I expected him to come out with in the slightess...

[willyoulistentome]

Drop the relationship. Don't take their calls. Blank them. WARN OTHERS!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Ignore the flaming bongobaby. There are obviously a lot of closet swingers on MN who think it is 'uncool' or a snooty to be offended at being propositioned. It's not. The rest of us normal people would have chased the dirty bugger out on the end of a yard-brush....

[bongobaby]

Bogey you are missunderstanding this. Im not piling all of the blame onto the wife but both of them in fact. They both had a discussion together about this which is strange to me.
I,m not slagging them off because they lead a different lifestyle because I have said that whatever floats your boat when she first told me about what they do. I did not turn my nose up and run off shouting it from the rooftops telling other people.

[bongobaby]

I,d find it far more creepier if I was being hit on by someone who didn,t have consent of their partner. Wow I,m glad I don,t live in that London...

[willyoulistentome]

I would say sex obviously means very little to these people. Just something physical, like a handshake. They obvioulsy do not understand the emotional /trust side of it at all. Imagine coming right out and asking for sex without any preamble, wooing or anything a tall. Did he even bother to find out in advance whether you even fancy him?

[bongobaby]

Thats just it all has been preassumed on my behalf by the pair of them. The title of the thread is worded as such because the wife has had a discussion with her Husband about him wanting to sleep with me and she has okayed it so much so that he came to ask me?
If my postman asked me when im signing for a recorded delivery the same thing because his wife is okay with it I would stick the pen where the sun don,t shine!

[pmcblonde]

People who had the impression that you were tolerant of alternative lifestyles (based on a previous conversation), and with whom you have a pre-existing friendly relationship, asked if you would be interested in participating in their lifestyle choice. You said that you weren't interested. They didn't push the issue.

I can see that you would be taken aback by being approached, and you may not be able to move on from this with the friendship, but they've not really done anything wrong - other than thinking that you were more liberal than seems to be the case. Perhaps had they approached you together you might have felt safer

[McBalls]

You were aware of their open relationship, she wasn't "pimping you out" - he asked her if he could approach you and she said yes.

Whether or not the sex happens is then between you and him. You don't want it, so said no. All done.

I don't see what you're getting all amdram about.

[McBalls]

Oh god, look, he asked if you'd like to have sex with him.

The only reason this is different to some single bloke coming on to you is because he is in an open relationship - so, presumably because you already have/had a friendship of sorts with her he checked with her whether she would be ok with you being one of the other people he has sex with IN THEORY, no one pimped you out, no one decided you would be having sex with him.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Really? People don't see what this man did as beyond the pale? . I have a lot of friends who are couples. I'd be utterly aghast if one of the husbands said over the tea and custard creams 'me and the missus have been chatting and we wondered if it would be OK for me to fuck you while she watches?'

It's just... ewww....

[Lueji]

TBH, I'd be if a friend or any other man, just came to my house and asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. Just like that.

But that's probably how they do it in general.
It's only sex for them, not about romance.

[McBalls]

If your objection is that he wangled an invite into your home under false pretences and then proceeded to make you feel uncomfortable then I am totally with you on that. Absolutely.

But they didn't 'pre-arrange' anything on your behalf.

[Branleuse]

id be creeped out by someone asking me outright, rather than more subtly. Its putting you on the spot, especially since its pretty unconventional and you gave no hints to being interested before. Its not a business arrangement