Hey, it's the Dating thread... number 37

[lubeybooby]

Of we got - all dating chit chat here!

VW Hi. You will get varying opinions of course.

I would maybe rein myself in a bit, give the guy some space for a while. He may or may not be having second thoughts. A very intense episode can burn its self out or find a more slower paced, natural balance.

As always try not to over think

Bullshit

VW, I agree with 48. This could just be things settling down, or it could be him cooling off, or it could be that he's just been really busy. You just don't know what's going on in his head, so you can either ask, or take things at this slower pace for a while.

Could i have some advice, please?

Mr Walking is confused. He doesn't understand how one week I could be keen for us to be together, and the next I don't want to carry it on. Surely that's what happens if it's new and not working for you? I'm not going to justify myself to him, I'm just wondering if I've got it wrong. I don't think I was that keen for us to be together - he kept asking about holidays and weekends away, and I kept saying it was too soon for that, we only saw each other once or twice a week.

Ok, we had Coffee, but even so...we had a few pleasant days/evenings together, he's a nice guy, but he's not for me. Isn't that enough?

IwantaVW it could just be things naturally calming down a bit.

EG: Me and BC for the first three months or so were texting, calling, emailing sooo many times per day. Constantly in fact... after a build up over the first month or so. But once you've got to know someone it does get a bit wearing and repetitive with the things that happen that you talk about, each others days, blah blah and all that initial biology and chemistry hormones and dopamine and whatnot starts to wear off. It's then that you find out if there's something left worth keeping. A good indicator is if you are comfortable mentioning it to him and know that you will get an understanding response. If not that isn't great... the closeness to at least do that should be there if it's been a few months.

Fayster you're not in the wrong. That's plenty reason enough and it sounds as though he didn't listen to or pay attention to any of the signs you were giving him about slowing down a bit and has made up his own version of stuff in his mind.

Watch, do give an fictitious address, don't subject someone else to him knocking on the door. Come round indeed the cheek of him. Saying that I would avoid the text filth in future, before you meet, or guys will think that that is all you are looking for too. And I know you aren't.

fay - sounds like HE was the keen one. He probably really liked you and is gutted you don't feel the same. Maybe he isn't the sort to have casual Coffee and so assumed it meant you were as keen as him. I think in a genuine relationship a little reasoning as to why things aren't working is probably fair but not in an early dating situation.

No i am not tempted. He can fuck off.

I am seriously evil though. I sent a load of
Filth. Got him all you know. Said yes but that i needed a shower and to get dd to school. He said he would leave work at 10:30

In about 4 mins im going to tell him i cant get the car out as its wheelspinning ( so much snow) cant get dd to school. So cant make it.

:)
Then he can see how disapointing it is when someone fucks you around..

nomore ooooh, loud girly squeal, clappy hands thing. If you like him that much then you just have to see him again and please come back and let me know.

VW I agree with everyone else, unless you have some very specific concerns about him I would adopt a wait and see approach, I think.

fay yes that is enough, you get to choose. If you have been polite and spared his feelings and this hasn't worked it might be time for a firm 'thanks but no thanks'.

I had 3 hours sleep last night. Bleurgh.

I think Ike had one of those sleeping in her wellies nights by the looks of it

Thanks everyone for your comments and I agree. I think it's wait and see and things calming down after the initial stuff. I also think most of it is what's going on in my head after everything with my xDH. This is so flipping difficult isn't it!!!:-)

Watch, evil

Was talking to a friend and we were saying that some men really love the 3 months wooing, then when you get to like them they back off and/or move on. Sometimes sabotaging things to get back the 3 month thing with the same woman, hence blowing hot and cold. Weird people, sorry Voice. Something to look out for.

Thanks, everyone, you've put my mind at rest. I'd been saying to rl friends that he was nice enough, but I wasn't really sure about him. I guess I'd been giving it the benefit of the doubt, and told him as soon as I'd made my mind up.

I did wonder about the casual Coffee, Voice. That would go against what he said to me, but people say all sorts of things they don't mean. Especially when there's Coffee involved!

Watch, you are truly evil. I like you.

Hellooo lovely Dudes and Dudettes. I think I need to lay off the vino for a bit..... Sunday Lunch turned into tea and supper down the pub. Sorry to hear about the date Watch...I am a bit surprised I dunno why. Let us know what happens when you cancel on him!!

Fay Agree with whats been said.
He may not like it, but if he isn't for you not much you can do about that. You have been honest with him, he will have to accept it.

Watch You are BAD

i know :)

But its deserved.

Plus, i just found out his full name. Its a hybrid of the ex husbands first name, with you know whos surname. You couldnt make it up if you tried. If that isnt some kind of sign that i should run a mile, i dont know what is.

Oh my god watch! Yep there you go then...

i know, my jaw was on the floor. I mean, what are the chances of that!!!

its not like ywks surname is smith or jones either...

oh ike, i was massivley surprised, didnt see it coming at all. Which is why i was upset i think.

He still thinks i want to meet up, he is a muppet. He said no worries and that he wasnt going anywhere. well, no, he might not be. but i am.... :)

Its very odd behaviour Watch...seemingly very passive aggressive.

its just weird. he asked for my number, he asked me out, he asked me out earlier... then just didnt make contact to firm up plans. Then asks if all is ok for me for sunday, and then again fails to confirm and gets narky when i do, and then tell him im assuming its off when i havent hear 2.5 hours later. Then he says later hes sorry, he over reacted, is tired, feeling ill and grumpy and we should meet up soon. but hasnt actually asked if i want to or if im free.

hes just a time waster. or married.

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't posted much recently. I've been seeing Mr C for about 7 weeks now, and amazingly (given I'm crap at all this relationship stuff) things seem to be going well.

Watch, so disappointing and confusing. I had high hopes that he'd turn out to be a good 'un ... wonder what he's playing at.

48 I love reading about you and Mr R&R. It all sounds so good and straight-forward ... no game playing or anything ... just having a great time together, as it should be.

Fayster, you've done the right thing - if you're not into him, there's no point letting things go on and on. I imagine he's disappointed, but sadly it's just one of those things that can't be helped.

Hello to everyone else.

Watch he does seem all over the place, and passive aggressive. Blow him out.
So I have been talking to someone on POF who is yet another fireman. This one describes himself as a alpha male...confident...He obviously has a lot of time off as Lubey mentioned so I have asked him what he does in that time off.
As for the other fireman, he sent a text sometime overnight which said "you are like a breath of fresh air...luv it". By that he will mean "you wont give me any hassle and turn up for shags" I think.
Off to check my smoke alarms

Hi everyone.

OK I'm nearly two weeks into my PoF membership and it is SHITE. (Just to echo all your recent experiences. Watch please never have any contact with that guy again!)

I have had almost fifty clicks on the Meet Me function but I don't like any of them.
I have had only about fifteen people message me.
Only two of those messages have been coherent.
Only one of those people do I fancy.
The one that I fancy has 3 children under 10 and although he seems (emphasis on 'seems') quite sweet and straightforward, he is not the brightest.

Anyway, we've made a tentative plan for a first meeting on Saturday. He has asked if I 'fancy a chat on the phone' beforehand.

Now, this is not something I've done before or have felt the need to do wrt OD. I use my phone as little as possible and hate making calls. For one thing I have a horrible phone voice and for another I know I come across better in person. Is 'a chat on the phone' code for something I don't know about, ie is he going to be testing in some way to see if he actually does want to meet up or not? Tbh I think the phone call thing is a bit redundant because you need to meet someone face to face to see if there's an attraction.

On the other hand we have texted smalltalk a couple of times each day (I gave him an old number for a work phone I don't use but still has credit on it).

I'm already not too hopeful about this one because of his family situation (he's been single for a year which does check out according to my FB research, but does talk about his ex a lot). Also I think there might be an 'educational disparity' between us. But since he's the only remotely attractive guy on PoF atm, I was going to give it a shot.

Worth it? or not? And does anyone else do the phone call thing?

tamoo some use it just to check you are actually female and not a a big hairy trucker

I will have a quick phone chat with someone if I like them and they want to. Otherwise I'm not all that bothered.

I do always make sure I'm somewhere quiet, have cleared my throat and have a drink handy though otherwise my voice is likely to go squeaky or I'll just end up yelling what? eh? pardon? sorry? say that again? all the time. So long as I can ensure all is calm and sorted I'm happy with the phone.

Tamoo, I personally don't like speaking to men on the phone before I meet them. I find speaking to someone I don't know very awkward, plus I find I need to meet someone to see if there's any chemistry there. I like exchanging e-mails to see if there's some kind of connection, and then meeting them. If someone asks me if I'd like to chat on the phone first, I just say I'd rather meet them, and so far no one's minded that.