Hey, it's the Dating thread... number 37

[lubeybooby]

Of we got - all dating chit chat here!

Anyone tried a veggie or ethical dating site?

ethical dating?
well there's an oxymoron:o

wolf "I think I was quite bigheaded when I was first divorced. I assumed I'd be in a relationship again in no time, it would all be wonderful and easy. I couldn't have been more wrong"

True dat! Yep, kind of the same here.

I was in for a shock, age 27, having been with exh ten years on and off, finding that it really wasn't so simple anymore. I started looking for something casual quite quickly and was a bit shocked that even that really wasn't so easy.

I had grown up in that time and formed some strong opinions

I knew exactly what I wanted and didn't want

I was clued up on red flags

I wasn't malleable or vulnerable anymore

All factors I think in not just swanning straight into another relationship

Oh, snap!!!

I was just 30. Never once did i think id still be on my own 4 years later.

I think i need to change my pic on my dating profile. The last 24 hours have just
Reems of filth. I dont think ive had anything normal. One guy was on match, started chatting to me on there, then found me on pof and bombarded me with smut. WHY!!!!!

if anyone would take a look for me at my profile for me. There is nothing rude, suggestive or any flesh on show...

Oh and velvet and snape, hope today is brtter for you both.

This thread is so helpful in that it makes me realise that my situation isn't unusual, that the confusion and worries that inevitably surround the OD scene is felt by everyone and not just me. But mainly that I am not alone. There are lots of articulate, intelligent and all round fantastic people sitting at home alone doubting their self worth, while knowing deep down and rationally that it 'so isn't fucking them'!

So, I ended up chatting to three men last night. Two with pictures and one without. I think I'm seeing one on Saturday (shall call him Mr Saturday as he's only really free on Saturdays) who is a single dad to what sounds like a very, very active little girl. He lives a very short distance from me, so we're meeting at 'our' local. I haven't been there in years!

"Lubey" I think you're right about a change in standards and expectations. And as that probably applies to both parties in a lot of cases, that makes finding the right someone much less likely. I'm painfully aware that I am a rescuer type too, so I question my motivations a great deal wondering if I really like someone or if they've appealed to my 'scoop em up and save em' side.

"Watch", I've had fun with recent filth senders by ticking them off mn style with 'I'm sorry, but did you mean to be so rude?'. Every. Single. One has apologised and made an excuse. It's amused me no end!

Sigh...bold fail due to early morning-ness..sorry.

I amused myself with the one from match. He asked me if i would like for him to wake me up by kissing between my legs. Our previous message had been about snow!!!

I told him that yes, it would lovely and i couldnt wait.

He didnt realise i was joking and asked me where i lived.

I told him house fuck off, on in your dreams you wanker rd.

Then blocked him.

SOME men are dicks.

Wolf I sent that to someone who had messaged some complete (but barely legible) filth and they replied saying no they didn't mean to but no apology and then going on to repeat what they said but adding 'please'

And yes you are right about it applying to both parties...(changed outlook and/or expectations and likes etc)

Good luck with Mr Saturday though :o

Watch, I'll have a look if you like. I am still snowed in with a very poorly daughter so not going anywhere.

pm'ed

off to work soon ( ish)

Ok. pm not arrived yet but will keep a lookout

Watch I've looked. There isn't any single thing at all that gives me the impression some dickheads are getting. wtf?

It's a lovely profile. Nice pics, headshots only, no flesh at all, not a massive long essay but not ridiculously short either, no innudendo, hinting or sexual jokes, good conversation openers in there, nice suggestion of first date.

I'm baffled.

Totally baffled.

innudendo innuendo

So were my gay friends. They were like ' what!!!:

Ill pm you chilli boys profile. Tell me if you see anything there. Because you wont. Its not me being crap at sifting.

Haha. I'll get the rage looking at his profile even if he sounds sweet as anything. But yeah let's have a look.

done.

its not me, is it.....

Nope!

I'd have been happy to message/potentially meet with him.

Nothing in there at all that says idiot/cocklodger/red flag/loser/timewaster etc etc.

I looked the whole thing over about 6 times just to make sure.

i know. thats what i thought.

None of his messages, nor texts, until friday afternoon were any different to his profile. Both dates were arranged prior to the filth happening.

I didnt think i was crap at reading people or filtering. I must just be stuck in some kind of bemunda triangle of smut.

Haha! There's something damned funny going on I know that much.

Watch - I despair of some of my fellow men. If it's any consolation, while I never got any filthy messages from women while I was OD, I did used to get some really obnoxious nasty ones, totally out of the blue.

As some of you may remember, I can't have kids. I was honest about this, I see no point in not being because it is obviously a huge dealbreaker to the vast majority of single women in their 30s (except perhaps some single mums who don't want any more). Foolishly, on my POF profile, when I was asked to select an option for "Wants Kids" I selected "No" - putting "Yes" would have been pointless and there isn't a "Yes but unfortunately I can't" option. And obviously, as I don't have any, the answer to "Has Kids" had to be "No".

My profile said I was there for a relationship, not an intimate encounter or anything casual.

I had some appalling messages from women whose profiles I hadn't even looked at saying things like "Who are you trying to kid you fucking arsehole? All women want children so it's obvious you're just coming here to use us for sex. Well, fuck you. Why don't you just fuck off you piece of shit?"

After several of these, I decided to be more explicit and state in my profile that I am UNABLE to have kids. This resulted in more of the same but with the added "Don't give us that unable to have kids shit. You just say that to try and fuck women without condoms!"

I kid you not.

Oh voice that is vile.

Worse in some ways than a bit of smut. At least smut tends not to be insulting vitriol

Voiceofunreson that is awful! Yet people complain about people not being honest with their profiles. I don't think it's unreasonable for a person to not want kids even if they are able to. Their perogative whether male or female surely? I've seen lots of profiles with that stated. I don't think anything of it and and just keep it moving. People can be so horrible :(

Right, as soon as I drag my self out of bed (yes I'm still in it, awful night with poorly DD), I am going to unhide and edit my profile. For those that offered to look at it, do I PM it to you or link it here? If I link it I can ask MN towers to delete after right?

Oh Voice that is just horrible, really fucking horrible

I did have one guy of 35 (even though I had a 45 lower age limit) message me that had put NO to 'Wants kids'

I did at first point out he was too young for me. He said he liked older woman because they didn't want more kids and he couldn't have any.

I had no idea if he was genuine. He was perfectly polite. I took him at face vaule. I replied politely that I was very sorry about him not being able to have children, but that he was still too young. I wished him luck.
He sent a message back wishing me luck.

PinkPeanuts pm it, you don't want any old lurker gawping at you even if only for a short time :o