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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

The Great Escape

734 replies

GoodtoBetter · 18/01/2013 07:24

I thought I would start a new thread, for anyone who might be interested in listening to my waffling on about my struggles with a difficult, overbearing mother. Thank you to whoever it was who suggested the thread title! I've changed my name for something a bit more positive.
previous thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1565077-My-mother-hates-my-husband-long

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tribpot · 24/01/2013 19:36

Not, I suspect, unless there is some way that the move can be made to benefit the DB under the terms of the Blessed and All-Encompassing Inheritance.

Btw "don't worry about coming over" means "I will start to complain you haven't been over" - personally I'd breeze by half an hour before you're due for lunch at the PIL purely to piss on her chips :)

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GoodtoBetter · 24/01/2013 20:19

Totally agree tribpot it's to see how long I'll leave it and then she can play the abandoned card. I will pop over with children or invite her out with children on Sunday with the excuse of seeing PILs for lunch so as not to stay too long. She's very calm...will see what tomorrow brings.
Have muuuuuuch more kitchen stuff than I thought, glad I'm paying through the nose for them to pack it and take it all away or I'd be here forever.
Last night in this house. Feels weird...exciting but weird.

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GoodtoBetter · 24/01/2013 21:16

She's been giving me stuff (passive aggressively all day, choking back sobs..."it's yours, I don't want it")
She said something about not knowing whether something was mine or hers and said through sobs "too many years together"...i.e we were so happy but you ruined it all and abandoned me for no reason. DH just said "she really doesn't understand why we're leaving, even now, does she?"
She's opened a bottle of wine now so I'm going to go to bed in a bit, because, as DB says "she can get really dodgy on the vino" and I'm not in the mood for a fight.

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wheredidiputit · 24/01/2013 21:26

Good

Just because she giving you 'stuff' and making you feel guilty, but you don't have to take it.

She is going to step up the pace of her passive aggressive behaviour tonight/tomorrow because you have not backed down at point and doesn't understand why you have not just jumped back in the box she created for you.

Try to have a good night sleep, and good luck for your move.

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GoodtoBetter · 24/01/2013 21:30

I think the best plan is to go to bed quite soon and just keep to my "Ok", "fine" mantra tomorrow.

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tribpot · 24/01/2013 21:34

Er, how long have you been living together? Isn't it about two or three years??

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GoodtoBetter · 24/01/2013 21:35

3 years I think...DS was 20 mo and is now about to turn 5 in March

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Aussiebean · 24/01/2013 21:43

A few years a go my brothers, mum, sis in law and I had a family mediation. And attempt to air out our issues. We thought if we were open and got a chance to diciuss our issues and work on a solution then thing would be better. This was post realising that she was narc and incapable so my no difference what so ever but I was able to tell her that I didn't trust her.

And the weight that I didn't even know was there was gone from my shoulders. It was a very freeing moment.

That what I think will happen with you G2B. When most of the important unpacking is done, and you can take the night off and you sit with your husband and have a glass of wine with the two babies sleeping - there will be this incredible lift of weight and freedom.

It's a wonderful feeling. Good luck with the move.

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Herrena · 24/01/2013 21:46

If I were you I'd get DH to come up to bed at the same time as me. Try not to let her catch you on your own or you might get a full-on offensive of guilt-tripping. I'd also be worried that she might follow you up to your room and corner you try to reel you back in when you're alone and vulnerable, hence the suggestion that DH comes too.

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GoodtoBetter · 24/01/2013 21:50

DH is having a shower, so once he's finished I'll go up. She's moving (her) stuff around in the kitchen atm.

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GoodtoBetter · 24/01/2013 21:52

She's just come in all stroppy saying I've taken the wrong saucepans..that I've left her the better quality ones and taken the crappier ones (I can't tell the difference), so I think that's my cue to go to bed before I get any more shite thrown my way.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 24/01/2013 22:00

Sweet dreams of new surroundings.

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Jux · 24/01/2013 22:10

Oh no GtoB! How very dare you have the temerity to take the crappier saucepans? I am Shock

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moajab · 24/01/2013 23:27

Yes, very mean. She was so looking forward to moaning to everyone about how you took all the best stuff. Grin

Good luck with the move tomorrow!

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boschy · 25/01/2013 08:11

Today's the day! all the best.

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WingDefence · 25/01/2013 08:21

Hi GoodtoBetter - I've been lurking but not posting as others have much better advice than I could ever offer. But I just wanted to wish you the very best of luck for the move today! Brew

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GoodtoBetter · 25/01/2013 08:25

Movers are here packing it all up. Glad we paid for packing, there's no way we could have done it all in the timeframe. Have been a couple of passive aggressive digs this morning but otherwise calm. Kids have gone to school and nursery now so that makes things easier. Once the lorry's gone will need to clean through before I leave but DH will be here so hopefully won't be too much nonsense from her.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 25/01/2013 08:31

Best wishes for a smooth transfer. Now that the day is here you'll be almost too busy to take in digs or p.a. BS.

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Herrena · 25/01/2013 08:31

Good luck with today - moving is stressful enough without all the added drama! Make sure you've got a bottle of wine in for this evening :)

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GlaikitFizzog · 25/01/2013 08:42

Good luck! Hope you have some Wine in to toast your new home tonight! We have a saying in Scotland "Lang may yer lum reek" literally means long may your chimney smoke, I doubt you have a chimney in Spain, but I hope you and your family enjoy you new home and freedom.

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TheGoatThatGotAway · 25/01/2013 09:38

Delurking to say a massive congratulations for getting as far as today Smile You are amazing! I hope the move goes really smoothly. Probably wise to steel yourself for some kind of reaction from her, but enjoy that rooftop fresh air too! Thinking of you.

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kasbah72 · 25/01/2013 12:41

Another lurker who didn't feel she had anything valuable to add to the brilliant advice you were getting but who is cheering from the sidelines!! I hope you make great use of that view tonight when you are in your new place as a little family. Yay!

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kasbah72 · 25/01/2013 12:43

Another lurker who didn't feel she had anything valuable to add to the brilliant advice you were getting but who is cheering from the sidelines!! I hope you make great use of that view tonight when you are in your new place as a little family. Yay!

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 25/01/2013 13:05

We can have a housewarming-in-spirit, Good. All this genuine goodwill from posters and lurkers alike, nice wave of encouragement Smile

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AutumnDreams · 25/01/2013 14:22

You got there!!!!!

Le deseo toda la felicidad que se merecen, en su nuevo hogar.

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