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Original poster

Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

368 replies

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 10:33

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact...so I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

OP posts:
countrykitten · 13/01/2013 15:29

You were, clearly then, watching his every move even when you were supposed to be listening to the HLTA!

Why can't you see that this is WEIRD?

What if he has a beautiful girlfriend and when he goes home he has a little giggle with her about your obsession with him? How would that make you feel?

Try, please try, and be realistic about this.

Maryz · 13/01/2013 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

countrykitten · 13/01/2013 15:31

And I had forgotten about that other bitch mother who dares to speak to him and wears HOT PANTS. How very dare she?

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 15:32

I don't sit in a classroom with my eyes closed you know!

The TA called me in, he was walking over to the door and closed it.

I sat down, he moved over to his desk which was just to the left of me and faffed about, I looked over and waved at my child in their buggy and as I was turning my head back round again I noticed him looking over there and smiling...it's not watching someone's every move, it's just stuff you notice in the course of being somewhere with people!

I'm the same with everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 15:33

The reason I mentioned the other mum is because she HAS been gosspiped about. Not by me.

She's one of the types (according to another parent) that thinks a lot of herself.

And it's not hard to notice on a cold day when she walks into the playground in tiny shorts, coat open and no tights with blue legs.

That's all.

OP posts:
TheSpleen · 13/01/2013 15:34

Baby face, nice smile and podgy! He sounds exactly like the horny teacher I described earlier! Grin

At least this thread should have been cathartic for you, it helps to get all your thoughts down.

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 15:35

I have hyper children, one with special needs as I said.

So when in a meeting I can't focus as much as I should.

I alternated between talking to the TA, having one child pester me (mummy...mummy...mummy kind of thing) and looking round the room for my other child, who's like a whirlwind. That's how I noticed some of the things the teacher was doing.

OP posts:
chenin · 13/01/2013 15:35

Uhoh... I understand totally what you are saying. In the normal course of events, yes of course, we all notice up to a point what is going on around us. I have picked up on it in the context of your thread. And it's just the fact you seem to have a photographic memory for every single move this man has made over the course of months. That is NOT normal. You seem to do a lot of 'noticing' of what he is doing. Can you report back on exactly what other members of staff or TA's do in the same graphic detail ??

No, I thought not.

VerityClinch · 13/01/2013 15:38

Lying GrinGrinGrin

Maryz · 13/01/2013 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 15:38

Yes, that's my point - I can. The ones I've seen in school, anyway.

I just have a memory like that; bad long term, annoyingly good short term.

OP posts:
Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 15:39

Don't even start making assumptions on how I parent my children!

They're staying with their dad overnight; not that it's of any business of yours.

And of course it's not in the exact order...etc. FGS.

OP posts:
chenin · 13/01/2013 15:42

You seem to remember every glance, every look, every movement of this man. You can't tell me you remember like that with every other single person you come into contact with. that's impossible.

You say this...
^So when in a meeting I can't focus as much as I should.
I alternated between talking to the TA, having one child pester me (mummy...mummy...mummy kind of thing) and looking round the room for my other child, who's like a whirlwind. That's how I noticed some of the things the teacher was doing.^

If that's the case, you would not have the time OR inclination to notice one thing on what this man is doing. You would be concentrating on the TA and your children. It just sounds like you are using your children running around as an excuse to focus your gaze on him and what he is doing. ' Focus' means concentrating on what is important... the TA and your DCs.

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 15:45

I could tell you everything the TA did too...if it helps? Sigh.

OP posts:
Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 15:46

And if you'd notice, I'm talking of maybe 5 or 6 occasions spanning from September, to now.

Occasions that have stuck out in my mind because I thought he was acting strangely (but apparently, was wrong).

OP posts:
Maryz · 13/01/2013 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

countrykitten · 13/01/2013 15:50

YOU are the one acting strangely sweet pea. I am starting to feel really, really sorry for your now. Sad

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 15:50

I'm answering because people are asking me questions, or saying things that require a response.

OP posts:
countrykitten · 13/01/2013 15:50

You not your! Apologies.

chenin · 13/01/2013 15:54

Yes, I actually feel a bit worried about you. Can you honestly honestly say from the bottom of your heart, that you will never harbour any romantic illusions about this teacher from now on?

I take my hat off to you for sticking on this thread, it can't have been easy for you, but you have to realise that this is not normal.

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 15:59

Well I'm not entirely sure what you're implying.

Will I think I still have a chance with him? No.

Will I carry on thinking he's quite cute? Yep probably!

Will I keep trying to avoid him? No - in my mind, he's being rude; if he had so much of a problem with me or my behaviour that he thought he had to steer clear of me then he should have spoken to the Headteacher, or at least asked her not to keep calling on me to go in and be general dogsbody, there are other volunteers not just me.

Maybe he did just have something else on his mind when he walked back into the classroom while I was trying to talk to him, if so then there's no real problem - because as long as he's willing to listen to me if and when I have a (gennuine!) issue with the children, then it's all fine as far as I can see.

OP posts:
countrykitten · 13/01/2013 16:02

I think that you thinking that he is being rude is all also in your head but if it helps to blame him then do it...if that's what it takes to sort this out.

You will look back at this in a month or two and laugh I think. I hope.

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 16:04

If he's deliberately avoiding me then it's rude.

I've had people with crushes on me that I didn't fancy before and didn't run for the hills any time I saw them.

However, if he's just preoccupied with something at the time or I just catch him as he's about to go back into the playground anyway, for example; then obviously there's no issue.

OP posts:
WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome · 13/01/2013 16:09

Not to rehash old ground, but if you were avoiding eye contact etc why isn't that rude? Perhaps he's just respecting what he perceives to be your wishes and responding in kind.

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 16:37

Oh I totally agree, I thought right at the start of the thread that my behaviour might have been coming across as rude...others on here prefer to call it 'odd'.

But my behaviour wasn't actually rude, it was just because I liked him and was trying desperately not to show it.

Im also not avoiding being near him - well I am, as in I stand well away from him etc., but he actively moves away from me (walking into the playground when I approach) so is slightly different.

Either way, I'll start acting a bit more user-friendly and stop eyeing up the tarmac in future :)

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