Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

[uhohwhathaveidone]

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact...so I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

I can't speak to him (about my child, for a valid reason) if he walks away when he sees me coming.

Not being funny but you don't seem to be grasping that part of what I'm saying?

The other day my child came out of school crying, I went to ask teacher what was wrong with said child, teacher was looking in my direction, saw me walking towards him and just as I got 6 feet from the guy, he turned and walked into the classroom.

And I'm meant to just deal with that and ignore it?

Thanks bbsb :)

Then you say loudly "Excuse me but could i have a word. My child is really upset. What has happened?"

Be assertive in relation to your child and put all the rest of the stuff to one side.

If he chooses to behave oddly make it his problem not yours?

I already answered your post way back on this issue.

You take your children up to the driveway, he might need to speak to the other parents about something - or they want to speak to him. Not your busness. If you don't need to speak to him, drop the children off and go. People aren't looking at you, they're not noticing what you're doing or his reaction to you. This is ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

Try it, just be normal - brisk, bright and breezy and stop noticing him and what he's doing so much - or at all. He's not noticing you and I think it's that that's bugging you because you want him to notice you.

So, you've made a mistake with this one, your spidey senses are usually better - we all make mistakes. Chalk it up and stop obsessing - you are, before you argue. This thread is huge. Never in the history of MN has so much dialogue been argued by so many over such little (with apologies to Winston).

Enjoy your 'celeb' status on this thread and move on... it really is time. It's been fun though. :)

And btw i am a massive worrier too OP. But i think everything is going to be alright. Honest!

I doubt he gives all this a moment's thought. I am a teacher in R and I literally don't have time to analyse parents' eye contact, I am far too busy with their children. I have walked off from people when my mind is on something else. I don't have nearly as much time to chat as I'd like, I keep it functional. Ime parents are usually too busy as well. It's like when you have a spot, it may seem humungous to you but no one else really notices. Just carry on. Normally.

What bringbacksideburns said - if it's a valid reason then demand politeness.

In the instance you've described though, why wouldn't you just ask your child? Then dry their tears and take them home. Do you really need to ask what happened? I never recall this from my school days...

OP you have got a roasting on here!
Is he quite dishy? The type to get a lot of female attention?
I would honestly just leave it. He sounds really odd and you sound v sensitive. I am too. Don't let this impose on your life it's not worth it.

Not really, kind of a baby face and nice smile but a bit umm...'podgy'.

I am going to leave it - see, I can take advice ;)

I think you are finding any excuse to talk to this teacher. Surely you don't have to ask the teacher why your child is upset unless the answer you get from your child is something to worry about.

I have read this thread right through and it seems to me as if you are just not accepting that this teacher doesn't fancy you, and possibly never did. Different posters on this thread have suggested that but you are just not taking it on board in your replies. You are saying you always know. Rubbish... unless you are so gorgeous that every man who comes into contact with you, fancies you.

He is probably finding your behaviour very odd (sorry... but it does sound odd...) Just bear in mind, you will never ever know whether he fancied you or not because somewhere along the line some bridges have been burnt. If he actually did, he won't now because all this sounds so full on.

The only way to rescue the situation, is to put him out of your head from this minute on, give up the voluntary stuff at the school and move on. As for actually moving schools because of this, that does sound rather selfish with regard to your children.

If a parent has ever been into me I haven't noticed tbh, I've got far too much going on to be thinking if someone fancies me or not.

Anyway, op have you considered counselling for your self esteem? I wouldn't recommend going into a relationship with this man anyway (whether he likes you or not) because you obviously have issues with relationships as does he by the sounds of it. It's absolutely, perfectly fine to fancy someone and ask them out. You don't have to look at the floor, mumble and never come within a hundred yards of someone just so you don't give the wrong impression. And I can say that most people just don't care about whether the person on the part time ta course has a bit of a thing about the reception teacher. It only becomes an issue when people use these relationships in an unprofessional way.

Also, completely off topic, if you are doing a ta course, why are you scrubbing out supply cupboards? Perhaps have a word with your mentor/ link as being able to scrub out a cupboard isn't going to help you find employment in the future.

It wasn't an excuse to talk to the teacher; my child has complex special needs so maybe I'm more over protective than I would be usually.

They muttered something about the teacher and raffle tickets, thought I'd quickly as the teacher in case it was something I'd missed (child was crying for an hour over it in the end) but when he walked off I asked another parent instead.

True, but it needed doing so I didn't mind.

I'm reconsidering the ta thing too, now ;) maybe I'm not 'mature enough' to work in a school, after all.

Anyway I have taken all advice on board.

Yes I did.

Hmmm - your description of him 'dicking about' in his classroom (presumably doing prep.) and the fact that you think he knows less about teaching and your child's reading than an HLTA suggest to me that you think very little of him professionally. The fact that she is 'twice his age' is completely irrelevant btw. For someone who spends much of her life in a school you appear to be rather ignorant of the role of a teacher.

I actually feel very sorry for him and wish that he could read this thread. He would be bloody terrified.

Tbh - from what I have read here I would worry that you are the type of person who may make a weird allegation about this teacher if things don't go your way. You are already making up fantasies that he fancies you when you have NO EVIDENCE that this is the case - what next?

Actually, you're right; I didn't.

Thought I had though, must have deleted it.

Op you really could take this as an opportunity to look at what you want from life. Do you really want a relationship with this man, or is it because it's the only man you have met recently that has been vaguely flirty with you? How long have you been on your own? What do you know about relationships?

If I split from dh I personally couldn't go back to the will he- won't he/ does he- doesn't he like me days of my teens/ early twenties. It's exhausting reading your posts. Fgs, if you like him, why don't you ask him out for a coffee? The worst he can say is no, but if he is not a total bastard he won't make you feel bad for asking. Then you can dust yourself off and move on. Why leave the ball in his court, whilst you scuttle about trying to not draw attention to yourself as your heart lusts from afar. It is completely counterproductive behaviour.

Oh, calm down countrykitten.

And no he wasn't doing prep, he was walking from one end of the classroom to the other, closing a door, moving his box of pens, sitting down and smiling at my children...nothing of substance. And again, no, wasn't watching him - but did keep looking round for my children to check they weren't doing a runner out of the classroom door.

Handbag - I don't want a relationship. Not now, probably not ever - it's never been my thing. I'd have gone for a drink with him and I'd like to think I could've got into something more (if he'd been interested), but in reality I know I wouldn't have when it comes to it.

So..yes, pointless caring anyway I guess.

It does come across as a massive overreaction btw as saying you'll take your kids out of school, quit your course etc. rather than have people possibly talk about your imaginary flirtation you know :)

Ask him out for a drink then! If that's what you want?

Oooh, Lying, how do you know he's married? How do you know who OP is talking about?

Uhoh... how can you now say you don't want a relationship when you have been banging on and on and on about this man? You are obviously totally obsessed with him. If you weren't, you wouldn't give him... the situation... the school scenario... another thought. It would be water off a ducks back.

But then you say you would have gone for a drink with him and would like to think you could've got into something more.

To me this is like fancying your Doctor, your dentist or whatever... it's strictly out of bounds.

And how can you say you were not watching him but yet you saw him walk from one of the classroom to the other, close a door, move his pens, sit down, smile at your children. This is getting ridiculous. I feel sorry for him to be honest. He is trying to do a professional job here and you aren't making it easy for him watching his every move.

Verity... I don't.

I was using my amazing skills of interpretation and borrowed OP's crystal ball, combined it with the bit of information like, 'a bit podgy', translated that as 'delicious home-cooked dinners from wife' and voila!