Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

368 replies

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 10:33

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact...so I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

OP posts:
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 13:15

Like what? Give me some examples because I don't see what I have revealed in 'further posts' that I didn't state in the first one.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 13/01/2013 13:16

The peo

wellcoveredsparerib · 13/01/2013 13:18

Look back at your posts OP. Perhaps not now, though. Give yourself a breather for an hour or so. I am not jumping on a bandwagon and dont mean to be unkind but your perspective does seem wonky.

uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 13:18

What?

OP posts:
nkf · 13/01/2013 13:20

I didn't read the whole thread but I should stop thinking about it if I were you.

Maryz · 13/01/2013 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 13/01/2013 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

izzyizin · 13/01/2013 13:21

Some clutch at straws before they drown and some stand on the bank throwing straws at those who are drowining.

It appears you don't want to admit to yourself that your dc's current teacher is not interested in having any relationship with you outside of that which he has to enter into with every parent/carer of the dc he teaches.

IMO anyone who encourages you in your potentially dangerous obsession with this male teacher is as deranged deluded as you appear to be.

izzyizin · 13/01/2013 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 13:27

No, I'm not bothered about that!

The problem I have is with the people saying I've come across as a desperate stalker and he's worked out what I thought about him.

Couldn't care less whether he liked me or not, my issue you all thinking that he knows! Which I'm fairly sure he doesn't.

OP posts:
DoodlesNoodles · 13/01/2013 13:29

Really sounds like you are over thinking it. You sound like a 14 year old. Confused

You have a crush, he isn't into you, time to move on.

Ministrone · 13/01/2013 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 13:32

Marshmallo did you read the first page or did you just jump on at the end?

OP posts:
Ministrone · 13/01/2013 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Ministrone · 13/01/2013 13:33

Especially the teachers wahey

Ministrone · 13/01/2013 13:35

I have read the whole scenario
sorry I have I spoiled something?

izzyizin · 13/01/2013 13:35

Unless he's Derren Brown a mindreader, he doesn't have a clue what's gone/going on in your head.

Just put all of these longings this out of your head and treat him as you would any other of your dc's teachers because, in truth, that is all he his and all he can ever be to you.

uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 13:37

Not entirely sure whether that's another pisstake izzy or actual opinion.

I don't think he does know, and if he thinks he knows then surely that is his arrogance, as long as I carry on treating him like any other person.

Worded badly but cba typing anymore.

OP posts:
Maryz · 13/01/2013 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MusicalEndorphins · 13/01/2013 13:40

OP, just keep acting as yourself. If he wants to ask you out he will. But I recommend you do not bring this matter up with him, as you risk making a fool out of yourself, and an already awkward situation more so.

akaemmafrost · 13/01/2013 13:44

maryz this isn't AIBU though. It's relationships. People should be kinder here.

uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 13:45

I won't bring it up. I won't carry on volunteering, will find a placement at another school. Still considering changing my dc's school - it won't affect them, they're too young atm.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 13/01/2013 13:45

My reponse at 13.35 was not a pisstake.

Simply focus your attention on other matters and treat him as you would any other of your dcs' teachers.

akaemmafrost · 13/01/2013 13:47

So you are planning to change you and your children's who,e lives over this? I do think you need to get a bit of perspective tbh. I imagine this thread has not been that good for you in that it's probably built it up even more in your mind spending so much time talking about it. Honestly I would leave the thread now I really don't think it's doing you any good.

WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome · 13/01/2013 13:50

He either:

  1. Fancies you and is acting as you are.
  2. Was being friendly, thought you were being unfriendly and is backing off.
  3. Is acting normally and you have slightly misinterpreted what's going on.
  4. A whole range of other situations that I'm sure I've not covered

BUT.

Surely the logical response to any of those is just to treat him as any other teacher from now on? And I don't mean avoiding eye contact (which I think you've said you'll stop doing anyway) or playing coy, but being breezy and, for want of a better word, normal. Like you would do with your other DCs teachers!

If it turns out to be situation 1 then what better way for him to see you as you are. If it's 2 then you can regain your normal "professional" relationship, and if it's 3 hopefully after a while you can see that nothing's going to happen but nothing's been compromised, least of all your DCs education.

Which, reading your latest post, seems to be what you're going to do note to self, always read the full thread so I hope it goes well for you OP. Please don't move your DCs away from the school though, it seems like a massive over reaction to something that doesn't warrant it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread