Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

[uhohwhathaveidone]

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact...so I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

No, I said I was considering it.

It would make things easier for us all anyway as this is school is really too far away.

So not just because of this; but at the same time, if he's figured out that I liked him or I've made it look really obvious, then everyone else will have noticed too; or at least some of the teachers - and I don't want to be talked about amongst the staff for the entire time my children are at school.

Presumably you picked the school that wasn't closest to your home for sound reasons. What compelling reason do you have for removing the children to a different school now?

You say you're going to give up the volunteering; maybe that's a good idea. Direct your focus somewhere else other than the school because the atmosphere must be very odd based on what you've posted.

If you could only find a way to not be so self-absorbed, to laugh at yourself once in a while, maybe? You've taken a simple 'crush', which many of us have experienced and blown it up into a melodrama when it is nothing of the sort, nothing has happened.

What you're doing though is playing with people's actual lives and that's not on. Stop it.

I was living closer to the school when my children first started at the school. Recently had to move to a new place a couple of miles away.

And no - I'm not considering changing because nothing is going on...I'm considering changing because everyone has made it quite clear that he KNOWS what I thought/think of him and is thinking I'm stalking him.

Can't exactly stay at the school now, can I.

You have had your fun.

Don't you think a few awkward weeks (which I'm sure will ease if you stop with the lowering your eyes etc) is a much smaller price to pay than moving your DCs and all that it entails (for them, might I add). It seems unfair that they'd have to "suffer" because you'd feel uncomfortable for awhile...

Stop being so self-absorbed and focus on the sensible for a minute. You say that you haven't been obvious, we can only know from what you've posted whether this is true or not. If you say you haven't been obvious then there's no reason to move your children to another school, is there?

I really think that you love the drama of it all; maybe because it's not happening in real life with this teacher, you need to make it 'real' here. I hope that that is the case rather than you so arbitrarily making decisions about your childrens' schooling based on something so mundane as gossip which wouldn't even exist (and maybe even doesn't) because of your behaviour towards this teacher.

Whether you've made a bit of a fool of yourself or not - this teacher is still being proessional. Treat him the same as you do the other teachers and all will be well, nothing to see here or gossip about.

... and it's not YOU at the school, it's your children. This is not about YOU.

I think you should definitely stop spending so much time there. Make that your decision rather than the headteacher asking you to stay away.

uh - Yes, your children can stay at the school. You prioritise them over this overcooked nonsense and I speak as someone who moved school many times - it is disruptive, regardless of the child's age.

You have had some excellent advice here, but you are refusing to see it.

Taking a step back, acting normal, and focusing on other things are great advice for getting through awkward situations.

I don't spend much time there really - I've been in school about 5 times since the start of term - and all those times were helping out with parent-run events.

Actually, make it about 10 times if you include nativity plays for all the children.

The thing is; I can't just start picking my eyes up off the floor, smiling and everything will be well; because as soon as he sees me coming he disappears - therefore he won't be giving me the chance to 'act normal' and this whole thing will continue on indefinitely - on his part, I mean (with the avoiding behaviour)

That's all I meant.

Oh and...it's the Head that's been asking me to come in and help out, which is why I thought those that said he'd have noticed my behaviour (or someone else might have), were wrong.

How about if you lie on your back with your legs in the air and see if he notices

So let him avoid you. No biggie.

Don't be silly. It's really very simple; treat him the same as you do all the other teachers and it won't matter whether he notices or not, you will be behaving in an appropriate manner and nobody will gossip about you.

But he'll still think I have a crush on him!

Things like this matter to me.

I want him to treat me like any other parent.

You can't control his actions. Only your own. So act normal and stop worrying about it.

You don't think people, after 5 or so consecutive days of me walking down the school driveway, him looking at me as soon as he sees me walking down and then wandering off into the playground (and coming back out the minute I turn my back) might not notice he's avoiding me and wonder why?

I would.

And as I said before; I WAS treating him normally and yet this mum the other day still noticed him blatantly blank me when I was attempting to go and ask him why my child was crying.

It will pass. Is what people think really more important that your children's education and welfare?

You don't even know what he thinks, UhOh. Will it crush you if I suggest that you aren't even on his radar at all? That he just thinks your odd and doesn't for a minute register a crush?

Therefore he will treat you like any other parent if you behave like one. Stop blanking him, floor-gazing and just generally being odd around him.

Just a reminder also - you don't know that he's single so STOP IT.

Get a grip of yourself and start focusing on your life outside of this school. It isn't you that needs to attend there but your children do.

Assuming he doesn't leave or switch years...he'll be teaching my child (the one in nursery) next year - I'd rather not have another year of him being awkward around me and avoiding me!

But anyway, I've already said I'll 'act normal' - as in, try and say hi if he ever makes eye contact again, keep my eyes up off the floor and try to act unbothered when he does a runner.

Although when I do have to talk to him and instead of making eye contact and inviting conversation; as he does with the other parents - he turns away and walks off leaving me standing there looking an idiot, personally I think THAT behaviour is wrong and difficult to just 'ignore'.

I do get your point, Lying - honest I do.

But try and see mine - bearing in mind what I said in my post a minute ago about him turning round and walking away when he sees I'm wanting to speak to him and with an upset child in tow.

If he spots me when I'm 15 feet away at the top of the driveway (and immediately turns and walks off, popping back out again the second my child is in the playground and I'm walking away (which he DOES!) then it's him making things bloody obvious, even if I stop staring at the floor, he'll carry on acting that way and eventually, some of the other parents will notice and wonder what I've done to offend him so much! As happened the other day.

Why? If you need to speak to him (for a valid reason) then speak to him. If not, don't. There's no need for you to make a special point of saying hello to him.

Don't 'act' normal - BE normal. I don't think your acting skills would be up to much, sorry.

If you really did want advice on getting through this, you've had it - some great advice from other posters on this thread so follow it, or not, but stop what you're doing because you're going to make yourself look ridiculous if you carry on with what you're doing. That's it really. If you carry on, it's your choice to do that and your children will bear the brunt.

He's being awkward because he senses you are feeling awkward. It's as simple as that!

I really think you are massively overthinking this.
Go into school as normal, treat him the same as everyone else, be pleasant and civil when you have to deal with him in relation to the children.
Get this all into pespective. It's not like you've even had a toe curlingly embarassing encounter or conversation in which one of you has said 'I fancy you' and the other has relied 'No thanks!' In which case i could sympathise with you maybe feeling like you need to move somewhere else.

Ber-limey! You are a worrier.

And if he backs off or ignore you - his problem! Stop stressing about it. As soon as he sees you relaxing in time he will too.