Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

it's a new dawn, it's a new day ..........it dating thread 36!

999 replies

lulubellaboozle · 11/01/2013 12:30

Post away daters x

OP posts:
MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 14/01/2013 23:32

It's all very well you guys saying invite a friend, but what happens if he texts at the last minute? Do you expect her to dump her friend?

Sneakymeezer · 15/01/2013 03:29

If it is that last minute he can suck it up - why should she cancel for Mr Inconsiderate

lubeybooby · 15/01/2013 07:03

MyChild no definitely not. Once plans are made with the friend instead tough luck for him. Might teach him a little something about not presuming jackieq is at his beck and call.

My gut feeling is though that it doesn't look good and he's doing the 'vanisher' thing.

Could be wrong... but at least if I'm not wrong then jackieq has other plans and she can still have a good time with a friend, and if I am wrong and he does get in touch after so long ignoring then it won't look like she's hanging on his every word!

48howdidthathappen · 15/01/2013 07:59

Spot on Lubey

He has been online so you know he is fine Jackie He may not be the man you thought he was. OD can be tough.

Plan a night with a friend Smile

VoiceofUnreason · 15/01/2013 08:07

MyChild - I can't believe you actually posted that.

ike1 · 15/01/2013 08:25

I think I have hooked a proper geek...bloody hell is there any inbetween? Just got rid of MrN the crazy sexxtexter....now Mr Civil Wars...

ike1 · 15/01/2013 08:30

He claims to have lived avery liberal, alternative lifestyle at one point in the profile so I ll keep at it for a bit and see what he means...

Original poster
lulubellaboozle · 15/01/2013 09:16

Morning all! Lubey a meeting?? WTF? he'll be asking if you take dictation next Grin

Jackie as advice above, but I think it is a pretty poor show to suddenly go quiet if you have been in regular text contact up until now.

Well, all went well, very well with Mr ExArmy, BUT ..... didn't actually talk about my meltdown, I just. find. it. so. hard. to start those sort conversations without being prompted and as he didn't and was all over me, in a very nice way and we had a great evening, I didn't want to spoil it by going all deeep again. I know I need to speak to him, so will have to make my myself TALK.

Thoughts on this though please ..... Mr EA has been separated for 2 years, no one else involved in marriage breakdown, just a loss of love over time. Amicable relationship with his ex, I have met her and spoken to her and she seems very nice - all good, no?

I know he has no interest in her romantically or anything else, that doesn't worry me. But, I'm not so sure that the old "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you" isn't rearing it's head. She has just had a baby by someone else, but is no longer in a relationship with the Dad.

They chat about stuff concerning their DD, but she also phones him for all sorts of advice, using Facebook, her cars gone wrong etc etc. If he chats to his DD on the phone when I'm around she always ends up on the phone to him too, and it's not about stuff that is important or urgent, just chatting really. I've sort of reasoned with myself that this is better than a hostile or acrimonious relationship.

However, now she has started commenting on FB about photos we are both tagged in (just us two, no-one else) and liking photo's of me and Mr EA on a night out a couple of months ago, saying how nice it is to see him happy? Is this weird? I would never do that, however friendly I was with an EX, it's their new chapter .... I dunno, just finding it a bit intrusive into our relationship.

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 15/01/2013 09:40

lulu before my ex got with his evil (now ex) wife, he had a fucking brilliant g/f and I chatted to her, played pool with her in the pub (I was staying at his mums for xmas as otherwise would have been on my own and was only 18 and they were staying too for xmas)

We all got on like a house on fire and I genuinely had no designs on my ex, nor him me. It was 100% platonic shared parenting and just really cool. That his gf was so cool as well was a total bonus. If facebook had been around back then I have no doubt I'd have 'liked' their pics and stuff.

Then, I have no idea why, he dumped her and got with a very controlling woman who resented him being friends with me, resented him paying maintenance, etc etc. It was awful. He was brainwashed by her and they proceeded to make my life very miserable for a loooong time.

So anyway my point is given the comparison between the two, I'd take the first scenario as more healthy and better for our DD. Unusual maybe but it worked really well. I do wish he had stayed with her.

It can happen that exes get along and nothing romantic remains.

I'm still friends with my ex husband too and we are on facebook and all that. I'd be delighted to see him with someone else

Original poster
lulubellaboozle · 15/01/2013 09:44

Lubey that's good to hear, I'm sort of thinking it's a good thing, but given my history with fuck muppet ex, who I wouldn't piss on if he was on fire, I was just a bit suprised this morning to see her comments on FB. As I say, she seems very nice and friendly to me, so I've no real reason to think anything different but just wanted a sanity check ........

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 15/01/2013 09:53

I do have one 'wouldn't piss on if he was on fire' ex and I have him blocked on everything possible to block on and if I never, ever see him again it will be too soon.

Certainly the more usual scenario for me though is that I remain at least vague friends with an ex. I viewed a good relationship with DD's dad as essential, it's a shame he didn't once he met that other woman and dumped the nice one. I think it's more likely when there are kids involved and there's been an amicable split that the situation you describe will happen.

I distance myself more and more from my friendship with my ex husband over time, but me and him never had any kids. Would be different if we did and I'd put more effort into being friendly.

DaydreamDolly · 15/01/2013 09:53

Lulu I totally understand why you think it's a bit odd. Only time will tell I guess but it's great that she's not an evil ex, could make your life very complicated.
Mr Slow To Reply is taking the jeffing biscuit. Last night he said to leave it with him to sort venue for this mornings coffee, and I still haven't heard from him. WTF? Is it on? Is it off? Really really annoying.

SweetSeraphim · 15/01/2013 10:00

I really couldn't be arsed with it, Dolly - he sounds like a massive pita.

lubeybooby · 15/01/2013 10:06

10am and still nothing... I'd be tempted to go out and leave my phone behind. My tolerance of this stuff seems to be entirely vanishing..

Original poster
lulubellaboozle · 15/01/2013 10:13

Dolly how annoying, I'm super organised and like to know what I'm doing, if it was me I would have the major hump!

OP posts:
SweetSeraphim · 15/01/2013 10:23

Yes, what lubey said. I would ignore him from this point. He's acting like you're literally waiting for his call/text - which you are. Don't let him know that. If I were you, if he arranges something at this point, I would say I've made other plans now.

lubeybooby · 15/01/2013 10:37

knowing nothing by 10am for a coffee date that's meant to be that morning is just not on.

If it had been me faffing about choosing a venue I'd have made sure I decided and let the other person know soon as it was reasonable to be awake and dealing with stuff kind of time... 8.30/9am

Morning is the key word there... if it had been late afternoon or evening that's a bit diffeent I'd give that til maybe midday...

Scrazy · 15/01/2013 10:39

Great advice earlier, to keep your weekend plans on hold in case some flake decides to contact you last minute Hmm.

I'm just place marking. Not doing very well on POF. Nice man has vanished after telling me, at the weekend, the names of his children and which school they go to, he's local! Meh, I'm not ready to date again, anyway.

Hi to everyone.

SweetSeraphim · 15/01/2013 10:47

Where's Bant anyway? Is he sulking?

48howdidthathappen · 15/01/2013 10:49

Lulu I am friends with my ex, I would love him to meet another woman, I would know he had moved on then Smile We have only been apart for about 9 months so still early days for him, spilt was not of his choosing.

Dolly He is too much like hard work.

VoiceofUnreason · 15/01/2013 11:12

Dolly - he's being, at best, rude, at worse, an arse.

I do wonder, sometimes, if 'some' men (there's that all important 'some') think they are sort of playing 'some' women at their own games? Don't flame me, I will explain....

On another forum I pop into occasionally, there was a woman asking advice about dating and several other women were of the opinion that she should "play hard to get, men like a challenge and if you come across as too eager they will lose interest".

Which, in the opinion of this man, is total bollocks. Men don't want to play games and this is all very 'teenagery'. But, is it possible some men have read/heard this sort of nonsense promoted by some women and think that it should also work the other way around? Like some reverse pyschology?

Nah, most men are too thick for that aren't they? Smile

JulietteMontague · 15/01/2013 11:33

Voice some men are arses, some men are flaky, some men are just playing games (see arses), some men are clueless, some men are lovely. Most men can be any of those at some time. Same for some women Grin.

ike1 · 15/01/2013 11:35

Well,well, fetish clubs and swinging! That is the alternative lifestyle of Mr Civil Wars....I really thought it was going to be bloody road protesting or veganism....ffs!! I was counting on him being dead boring and straight lol...oh the joys of onlie dating!

JulietteMontague · 15/01/2013 11:42

Dolly I had something similar with Mr Vague for the first meeting which is where he got his name. We had agreed the venue but he hadn't got back to me to confirm a time change so I didn't go.

48howdidthathappen · 15/01/2013 12:41

Voice For me it very much depends on the man. MR R&R & Mr OZ are both lovely men. Straight talkers, no game playing, much like me Smile

Mr FU on the other hand I had doubts about from the beginning, he was a player. I was not about to allow him to fuck me over if at all possible. When I put an end to that particular party I was very careful that he walked away with no nasty taste in his mouth. I wanted him to at least think that there doesn't have to be a winner/loser scenario.