Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 ··· 12 13 14 ··· 39 40

Original poster

it's a new dawn, it's a new day ..........it dating thread 36!

999 replies

lulubellaboozle · 11/01/2013 12:30

Post away daters x

OP posts:

lubeybooby · 14/01/2013 09:12

It's all a bit silly really.

VoiceofUnreason · 14/01/2013 09:16

Lubey - ah, I am not specifically saying I agree with Bant on his own specific situation, more that I can understand where he is coming from on a general level.

I have another friend who works away most of the week and is therefore only able to date at weekends. She states this in her profile and for this reason a long distance thing works very well for her with a guy who similarly works away a lot in the week. But she put this on her profile right from the word go.

lubeybooby · 14/01/2013 09:23

Haha, Bant's thing applies with your general opinion though too as she was indeed upfront. On the date admittedly and not the profile, but still.

It also seems like a temporary situation while she awaits roaming parents and stuff.

I do agree though that if you absolutely have too busy a life, or too awkward shift patterns etc then it's better to be upfront. Very similar to what i recently did with the PoF smash and grab profile. I know I'm too busy to give enough to sustain a proper relationship therefore I don't want anyone to expect that to happen. So it got put into the profile.

But babysitters or lack thereof is a situation that for me was impossible to predict apart from when DD would stay with her dad, which seeing as he lives miles away would only be during school hols. I dated plenty who were very patient with both this and me being at the mercy of exMIL for babysitting, where she would announce with about half an hours notice that she was having DD overnight.

VoiceofUnreason · 14/01/2013 09:32

Lubey - we "generally" pretty much agree then!

lubeybooby · 14/01/2013 09:33

48howdidthathappen · 14/01/2013 10:11

It is tough finding a balance that suits both people. Hence why I ended it with MR R&R when the situation with my mum arose. I didn't want to feel bad about not having the time for him. Luckily for me he completely understood and is very supportive.

As a general rule, 3 weeks would be too long for me

watchoutforthatsnail · 14/01/2013 10:21

3 weeks would be too long for me too, and i dumped someone for this reason.

But thats his choice if he is busy, and really, who am i to say he has to state up front what time he has etc... I met him, we had a few dates, he wasnt all that free and it was one of the deciding factors to end it.

I certainly wouldnt suggest that all men on dating sites needed to make sure they had lots of free time before they even thought of dating.

Bant met someone he liked, shes not free, end of. Its just one of those things. He can either wait or not, thats his choice, but she shouldnt get chastised for her situation or told she ( or indeed , any other dating woman) is wrong.

People date for all kinds of reasons, to some, one date a month, a chance to go out, hopefully have fun and a nice evening, and thats it, thats all they want from it. Some want something to lead to more dates,and some are looking for something long term. Its all fine and its all allowed.

I only have every other weekend free. That said, if i REALLY want to, i can get babysitters. There are ways round things if you want there to be, and if you dont, then its a handy excuse :)

watchoutforthatsnail · 14/01/2013 10:25

on a different note, both my dates have the same name. Which also happens to be the name of my ex husband.

Reminds me of when i had a period of dating ' james's' . i dated 7!! in a row. madness :)

lubeybooby · 14/01/2013 10:28

Watch :o I am plagued, or used to be, by Ians and Martins.

Thankfully TT has a different name.. at last!

48howdidthathappen · 14/01/2013 10:30

I agree what is good for Girl X is really up to her.

No embarrassing mishaps over names though

watchoutforthatsnail · 14/01/2013 10:37

how funny lubey :)

48- yep. she might not care, and be happy with her set up. who are any of us to judge. If bant doesnt like it, or if any of us didnt should be find ourself in the same situation, then you deal with it as you want to. Thats what dating is, meeting people, seeing if you want to see them again and if you are compatiable. If you arent, and this includes free time, then you just arent its not her fault.

MasamiAomame · 14/01/2013 11:08

Happy New Year everyone and good luck to anyone dating this week! I posted a few times before Christmas about my foray into online dating (signed up early December 'just to look', got a message from a guy who sounded great, went out for drinks three times before Christmas). He was very busy pre-Xmas and I was on holiday abroad for a fortnight over New Year so I've not seen him in ages. Last time I saw him he invited me round to his the first weekend we were both free this year (no firm plans were made) but then mentioned last week in passing via text message that he would be away that weekend. I suggested drinks this week which he agreed to (I was expecting either a 'thanks but no thanks' or a reissue of the invite to his) but he has been texting me less and mentioned, apropos of nothing, that he's 'tired' and 'over-committed'. I'm seeing him on Wednesday as I've got nothing to lose and he did seem lovely but I think he's maybe just not that in to me.

lubeybooby · 14/01/2013 11:11

Masami, well, give Wednesday a go and see if things maybe pick up a bit after then? Bit difficult to tell really when life has been getting in the way for both of you. Good luck :o

watchoutforthatsnail · 14/01/2013 11:16

well, really, neither of you should be dating if you dont have the time nor havent mentioned your specifics up front.

I am joking of course :)

Give wed ago, see what happens, its hard when its been a little while in between dates, as lubey says. Good luck too.

MasamiAomame · 14/01/2013 11:19

Thank you Lubey I was thinking I would need to have a chat with him really. I don't want to do it via text message as I find it's easy to misinterpret stuff without tone of voice, facial expression etc. and we've never spoken on the 'phone before so I will wait 'til Wednesday and steel myself to not wimp out as I hate talking about anything remotely emotional!

MasamiAomame · 14/01/2013 11:22

Thank you too watchoutforthatsnail!

48howdidthathappen · 14/01/2013 11:24

Good luck for Wednesday Masami You may get the spark back. Just go with the flow

ike1 · 14/01/2013 11:29

To be fair I think you are all absolutely correct about the humour thing. Its hard though cos I really enjoy that playful element and when you dont lnow a person well it canb difficult to know what to talk about ...food for thought indeed!

ike1 · 14/01/2013 11:31

.....oh and bloody Pauls for me ...thet's the suburban 70s for ya!

ike1 · 14/01/2013 11:32

Spelling is shit cos I am not wearing me contacts...soz

watchoutforthatsnail · 14/01/2013 11:37

I do too ike, i love a bit of banter, it works well face to face, if the other person is the same way. If not, people can find it off putting or even agressive. because they dont get it.

They are less likely to get it in a text or written form.

Also, like i said, i tended to use humour to defuse or deflect from a situation that i wasnt comftable with, or to remain in control of it as it were. I used it to keep it at my comfort level. The dreaded you know who helped me realise this, by telling me very bluntly, and helping me deal with it. It was true, he was right. i dont do it so much now. It was sort of my defence, but ive realised i can let my guard down.

Again, not saying its the same for you at all, just putting it out there.

To get to know someone properly, you do tend to have you let your guard down, and find stuff to talk about... and be open to that. Banter is easier, its shallow communication, but then it kind of stops things deepening really ( unless its accompanied by all that other stuff too)

No judgement at all, in case you think there is. I did and sometimes still do the same. Its my defense.

48howdidthathappen · 14/01/2013 11:38

I don't think I have had any men with the same name. Tis fun going through the alphabet. A few letters are hard to find

ike1 · 14/01/2013 11:44

No absoutely Watch actually I think you may be very close to the truth mainly cos with OD you do have a higher defense mechanism and yes I think it does provoke some blokes to be aggressive. In reality I am not so much like that because convo tends to flow freely and therefore unless a situation warrants it I dont use the old witty stick.

Most of my mates genuinely love it ....but I know a few found me quite terrifying on first contact. They soon learned that I am more of a clown than anything else.

lubeybooby · 14/01/2013 11:46

My first few boyfriends/encounters went exactly alphabetically... Andrew, Ben, Craig, Dave... It's the only reason I remember their names now

48 have you managed a Xavier yet?

48howdidthathappen · 14/01/2013 11:49

Trying to think lubey QXYZ no one. Some letters though have more than one differently named owners

Flip

1 2 ··· 12 13 14 ··· 39 40