it's a new dawn, it's a new day ..........it dating thread 36!

[lulubellaboozle]

Post away daters x

My God, just put a photo on POF, never used it before, barely put anything in profile and its like flies round shit, cheering me up a bit though.

Good for you Scooby!! Good luck!

scooby if it's anything like my PoF smash and grab it will be mad! I never had so many messages I'm sure. Crazy stuff.

Scooby Looks like you have had a lucky escape. Twatbandit. I like it too

lubey - yep. pretty much 100% of women, with children, on dating sites, will be the primary carer. With most likey more than 50/50 care ( as that tends to be less likely. i would find stats but im tired and cant be arsed, but its high)

Saying they shouldnt date unless they have the time that suits YOU, that fits in around YOUR plans and YOUR children... and they should have to have babysitters, else you will go off and date someone you like less????!!!

madness.

But, like you said in your first post ' any decent man will be considerate and understanding of the situation'

AND bant, what with your moving abroad, you arent really in a postion to lecture people about being avaliable for dating, when you arent even going to be in the same country!!!!!!!

watch - it's not about me. It's about dating in general. If anyone expects to have a second or third date, they've got to try and make sure they're going to be in a position to be available.

For christs sake stop taking everything personally.

Im not. not at all. I just dont agree with what you have said.

If anyone was lurking and thinking about dating, they might be so put off by your comments, that they might not try it, for fear of getting it all wrong.

Its not fair and yours isnt a widely held opion, so, i think its fair to say so.

But again, you arent going to be avalaible for a second of third date if you are in hungery, so, i dont really see how come its one rule for you and one for any woman that wants to date?

In other news, i am free this weekend, and although im not then free for another 2 weekends after that, unless the poor chaps can bring themselves to do lunch or soemthing, i have TWO dates this coming weekend. TWO, and a night out with friends. Fuck yes :)

thats the point watch - I'm trying to give good advice to people, part of which is - if you start dating and have a first date, most men won't wait around a month for a second date, no matter how nice you are.

As to my Hungary situation, I've told everyone I've dated so far for the last month, some have been okay with it, most not. And I'm not dating anyone new because of it. ShoeGirl was meant to be my last first date, and that didn't work for it's own reasons..

Bant then most men must be wallys. I don't understand why you would give up the chance of a good thing for the sake of a few dateless weeks.

Bant, well maybe the issue is that she is not that fussed to push for favours when she knows its not going to go anywhere due to your move?
You dont know what shes thinking.

Ive had men wait to meet me..... ive also had strings ive pulled because i really want to meet someone.

I would say if you dont want to wait 2 weeks for someone you say is perfect butwould rather go for not as compatiable but more avaliable, that maybe you arent looking for a serious relationship and are viewing dating as a hobby/ thing to fill your time/ chance of getting laid....

Which again is your perogative, but not everyone views dating in the same way, and you need to respect that.

I disagree bant I think most would actually. Certainly been my experience years back when I had a very dodgy sitter situation

oh dear I can't believe you've posted so much already! you lot are too chatty...

I had my third meeting/first proper date with Mr HotYoga last night, we went for dinner then to a comedy club. I enjoyed it and the conversation was good but... still not sign of more. Kisses on cheek for hellos and goodbyes but that's it. Mind you it's difficult to do the holding hands/arms around waist while walking kind of thing as I am on crutches at the moment which cramps my style ever so slightly

I really like him though, but not sure what to make of it. Help!

Also, you said she said on the date a second date would be hard to arrange... so, like your hungery thing, you knew the score in advance. If your not ok with that, and she was honest, then its your issue im afraid.

I think you are still pissed off re shoegirl standing you up. Upset re the divorce paperwork and feeling unsettled. Wantingto take your mind off it with a nice date/ ego stroke/ affection.but frustrated because the person who could do this for you isnt free. So you have gone off on a rant that isnt really founded.

But thats just my opion.

Skaffen I reckon it sounds good - slow burner... my mate who ended up marrying hers didn't even get a kiss til about the 6th date... he was shy and she was doubting herself! haha they got there in the end.

Back from seeing the film with TR...Silver Lining Playbook really good.. whole heartedly advise watching. I like TR's company...same things irritated me as when we were seeing each other...awfully macho... but we can chat and laugh easily and we are comfy in each others company and I still find him attractive. I dunno it just doesnt work as a relationship....both firey characters.

I managed to offed MrN yet again ....another macho guy I think he reckoned that he found my relentless 'wit' 'exhausting'....well I can see that may be the case if you take yourself very seriously which alot of blokes seem to do.

I will duck out of the childminding discussion cos it seems to have run its course...

offend

....but in fairness he is the 3rd bloke now who seems to have got in a huff with me about it before meeting...maybe it isnt translating well. I dont stop myself because I enjoy quick fire banter and I think that some guys see it as me trying to be intelectually superior in some way...really I am just trying to get a bit of playful fun out of it and am happy to get the banter back...

TR got that about me and the majority of the time found my deadpan humour funny ....but then that was mostly in real life so he could see my facial expressions and was used to my ways....

text sometimes doesnt come across as you indend it to. we see it on here all the time.

Ive been accused of things that are so far flung from what i was actually saying, and sometimes peoples posts that are meant to be funny, because there is no body language, nor nuance of voice, its just lost and comes across as mean.

Maybe thats the case, especially if your humour is deadpan?

I would say if 3 men have said it to you, maybe it is something you could think about tempering a little? at least till you are face to face and they know you better?

Im very excited about my two dates, looking forward to meeting them both.
One, can only be called bear, after bear grylis. Hes a chainsaw weilding, shooting, manly man of a man. I like that, its, well, manly :) We have lots in common on paper, im not expecting a spark, but the manly ness thing is the reason im going, and i wonder if hes just a bit flat/ deap pan in text.

The other one, i shall call chilli boy. I am VERY excited about meeting him. Tons in common, very good looking. I predict massive spark on my side, non on his... isnt that always the way ;)

Ike I know what you mean. In an OD/text conversation I am a one liner type, I enjoy the humour. Some see that as uninterested, a few get it.

Mr R&R and Mr OZ got it, might help that I met both in RL.
Mr R&R says I write the title, he writes the book

Skaffen You continue to date on crutches. I like your style.

Snail You also have a new group of 'going out' friends. Worth their weight in gold

Watch they sound good!

ike I agree if three blokes have said it now, and you know and we know it's definitely unfair and you've been taken wrongly... maybe you need to make the humour a bit more obvious or temper it a bit, as watch said just til they know you. I would never want anyone to change themselves but if you are coming across unfairly then that's frustrating.

oh, i know :)
Im both flattered and pleased that so many people want to hang out with me. its nice :)

Ike, just thinking, they also say humour is used a a defense mechanism. I know ive certainly done so myself. But it is tiring to some people, doesnt make you seem all that open, or have any dept if you are cracking one liners all the time. Especially if its banter and is more personal.

I used to do it, it was a way of deflecting from anything else, staying in control and presenting a certain image. This wasnt my thought process behind it, but what ive realised afterwards....

not saying you do the same at all, but maybe people percieve it as such? or as being too difficult to get past all the ' humour'

OK, I'm going out on a limb here and wearing my best flame retardant clothes, but I do semi-understand where Bant is coming from.

I have a close female friend who has been doing OD for ages and cannot understand her lack of success. She gets initial dates and sometimes second dates but rarely beyond that. She is attractive, intelligent, funny and interesting. She doesn't have children. But she has an incredibly busy social life. It's a Catch-22 scenario because she doesn't want to be sat at home doing nothing so fills her diary. But this then means she generally finds it hard to find time to meet up with someone. There was a guy she really liked, got to third date and he really liked her too but it was 3 weeks between dates and going to be another 3 weeks before a potential date 4. She won't ever rearrange anything she's committed to (some of which is tricky as she plays i a competitive tennis league). I know he backed away because of it.

The second of my last 2 dates with OD was not dissimilar. In her case, neither of us had kids, but she worked in the police and had an awkward shift pattern. It took 5 weeks to meet up the first time (after emails, texts and phone calls) and it was a really good first date. It took 4 weeks to arrange a second date because of her shift pattern and commitments. She would have liked a third date but it was going to be almost 4 weeks again so I declined. It was like having a long distance relationship with someone who lived literally 3 miles away.

I think it's hard to develop anything if you aren't able to spend time with someone a bit more frequently than that. Maybe it's a man thing?

But I agree, it's not the same for everyone and I do think if you aren't in a position to be able to invest a certain amount of time into OD it's something you should be upfront with as soon as possible.

Voice, it's something Bant's date was upfront about though.

Whether he's been upfront or not about leaving the country though I've no idea...